Boomer

"She told me 'You only regret the things you don't do.' I'm having kittens mum. It's drugs. That's what people do at university. I've read about it. And boys! Becky's going to have temptation everywhere she turns in Norwich. She's a sensible girl but even sensible girls can do crazy things at her age. It's hormones mum. I've read about them."

Jessica's always been a worrier. I thought becoming a mother would calm her down but if anything it's made her worse. I tell her 'Children will be children. Let them be.' She looks at me like I'm a crazy old woman.

I understand her concern but it'll do Rebecca good to stretch her wings. There's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean Rebecca despises Jessica. It's just nature's way. If your little girl doesn't try to make her own way in life how's she ever going to blossom into a young woman? It's empty nest syndrome with Jessica. Hopefully Gavin takes her in hand and shows her the benefits of having the house to themselves.

I can't help but feel poor Jessica missed out. It's not her fault. And I'm not criticising. Gavin is a fine looking man when he can be bothered to shave. Jessica's right though. Rebecca's grown up in a sleepy little town. It always has been. At least when I was young we had the Gala Ballroom. It's a pub these days. You walk by and there're people smoking outside all hours. They do breakfast. Clearly I'm an old fuddy-duddy because going to the pub for breakfast isn't for me.

The Rolling Stone is what it's called now. Of course, when The Stones played there we'd no idea they'd be so successful. They were just another band passing through. The music wasn't the main attraction. It was going to the Gala. The thought of getting dressed up. It was the place to be seen. I was more into The Beatles than the bands they had on but it was still exciting. If only I'd kept my souvenirs they'd be worth a fortune. We'd often wait outside hoping to bag an autograph. I got rid of everything when I married Colin. It seemed the right thing to do.

Obviously, it wasn't like you see in films. When people think of the Swingin' Sixties they assume everywhere was like London. We had the Gala and that was it. Even in the 60s The Grand Hotel had seen better days. Unless the Gala had a band on it was very much a ghost town.

Drugs weren't a thing round here. We didn't have a clue what they were. I certainly didn't know what cocaine was. For years it puzzled me why Jim kept putting smelling salts on Joe's willy. I just sniffed it off like everyone else. It would've been rude not to. Of all the willies I've serviced Joe's was easily the most splendid. Not that it matters. Joe could play Satisfaction with the tip of his little finger if you catch my drift.

I can't remember the name of their band. They never made it big. It's a shame because they were such lovely boys. Sometimes Jessica would be watching Top of the Pops and Joe would be playing in a backing band. I'd be taken back to his almighty girth. Nobody believed he'd get it in my bottom. Next thing I know I've got Joe in my rear, Derek up the front and I'm licking Jean Watson's foof. Happy days.

Sex was more social back then. You've got to remember we didn't have pornography. We had to make our own fun. If you were getting with a man and his friends were going spare it was only polite to at least let them masturbate over you.

In those days being bisexual wasn't really a thing. I just assumed I was greedy. I always said, 'if ever I find a man who can do me like a woman I'm marrying him.' So that's what I did.

That's how I knew something was wrong. Colin had only been down there two minutes when he came up breathless. I said to him 'Get yourself to the doctors' but Colin was too stubborn. That must be 12 years ago now. A day never goes by where I don't hate myself. If I'd dragged him there he'd maybe have had a fighting chance. 'You only regret the things you don't do.' Wise girl Rebecca. Jessica's done a fine job there.