I woke up the following morning a bit groggy, to say the least. The night prior had been spent drinking heavily with my friend Brenda and all of her friends. I was in unfamiliar territory at the moment. I considered what had transpired the last night. First, I had learned that Brenda and her fiance had broken up. She was distraught, so I agreed to take her to a party her friends were throwing. We had definitely been drinking quite a bit. Don't tell me something weird had happened... My heart sank. I instantly recalled my face being smothered by Brenda's boobs. I could still remember how soft and homely they were. For some reason, it actually felt right. Everyone else took it as a joke, but I was having some strange feelings about it.
I suddenly heard talking from the kitchen. The girls must have already been up. I had hoped they still thought I was asleep, so I continued to play dead. They were speaking softly, so as not to wake me, so I played dead.
"Yeah, I know," came a voice that sounded like Brenda. "He's awesome. I just met the dude and we've become like, best friends. And he's super cute."
"Then why not go for it?" came the voice of one of her friends, Trish, I believe.
"Couple reasons, and one of them makes me sound like a bitch. The first is that I'm just not ready. I literally broke up with my ex! I can't just hop on to another guy yet. I need some time."
"OK, and what's the real reason?"
Brenda sounded shaky. "Well, Victor was a dick in more than one way." I heard heavy snickering from the girls. "It's true! He was an asshole, and he has all of these bad qualities. But he's got one thing that a girl of my size unfortunately requires."
"A big dick?" one of her friends said.
"Mmhmm. The thing is huge, I mean, HUGE! It's seriously about ten inches long, and thick! I need that. I need at least like, nine inches, and it has to be thick. I'm a bigger girl, I'm not going to lie about that. If it's too small, I won't be able to feel it, plain and simple. And while Mitch is practically perfect, he's gotta be packing five inches maximum. There's no way that thing can compete. It's unfortunate, and it sounds shallow, but it's true."
Even though I wasn't searching for a relationship, my heart sank. No guy wanted to hear what she had just said.
"Well... would it be okay if I went for it?" Trish said. My heart leapt. She was really cute. I had no idea she had any interest in me.