Bmb: Version 5-1

Disclaimer

: This is a work of fiction, and it was created solely by me as the author. Any similarities to characters, businesses, places, or things are all happenstance, though my appreciation to those who have

inspired

my works is immense.

Author's Note

: This entire series is based on the same characters, places, and general situations, but will be shared in the form of five different versions. I'm hoping you'll appreciate the various approaches as they are posted. And be aware, some versions go into certain details more than others, so remaining calm and awaiting the next installment may be necessary, but I assure you, it'll be worth it. Questions and comments are welcome. I hope everyone will be kind.

Your Support is Immeasurable. Followers, I cannot thank you enough. Be blessed, everybody. Peace.

BMB: Version 5-1

It was a cold and cloudy day in early November. I stood at the front door of a quaint little ranch house which sat in the middle of a quiet neighborhood. I hesitated as I situated the bag on my shoulder, took a deep breath, and prepared myself to meet the first of many Parker family members who (I would soon learn) would make a huge impression on my life.

I rang the doorbell and waited to meet the woman who was putting me up in her guest bedroom until I could move into my new house. I had not even begun to look for a house yet, so I knew it could be a long while. When I had protested to my new boss that I didn't want to put anyone out, he had refused to listen. Since I was under the impression from my new boss that the woman wouldn't hear of me mentioning it either, I found it best to just appreciate the warm and welcoming home and stop arguing.

I was admiring the wreath which was hanging on the door when it suddenly opened. I was met by a lovely woman who probably stood at about 5' 3" and wore a cute housedress. As I looked closer, the dress had gingerbread print on it. Oh, it was early November, and this woman was all about Christmas. I smiled. I could definitely handle a bit of Christmas. I could already sense that the music which was bound to be played soon would have the holiday vibe.

"Well, hello there!" she greeted me warmly. "Oh! It's a cold one today, isn't it? Come in! Come in!" she encouraged and stepped out of the way so I could enter the house. "You must be Trinity. I'm Bernadette Parker, but please call me Gram. All the kids do. Since I have grandkids the same age as you, I hope you'll feel comfortable calling me that."

"Sure, Gram," I answered and looked around at the many decorations in the living room. I was sure her whole house would be as pleasant to explore as this one room if it was decorated as much. Every ornament, wreath, garland, and ribbon seemed to have a place. This was definitely not her first time decorating for a holiday season. "Can I put my bags in a room? And are you sure you're not bothered by this?"

"Oh! Silly me!" she said breathlessly and shook her head. "Yes, yes, come and follow me just down this hall. And goodness, no! You're no bother at all! In fact, I'm tickled to have some company." She guided me to a lovely little room with an adjoining bathroom. "I hope this will be OK for your stay. And I hope you don't mind all the Christmas stuff. I'm a huge fan. From the day after Halloween until the middle of January, I am all about Christmas."

"Ah, a woman after my own heart," I claimed as I looked at her and sighed while taking a seat on the bed. "I too love Christmas, Gram. I think we're going to get along just fine."

"Well, color me happy, Miss Trinity," Gram said with a huge smile. "I do declare, I believe this might be the beginning of a wonderful relationship. So, tell me about yourself."

For the next couple of hours, Gram and I talked and talked about where I had come from (generalizations at first, of course), what had brought me to her part of New York, and what I had hoped to achieve while being there. Was this a permanent thing, or was I just passing through for a year or two? What kinds of movies do I prefer? What kinds of food do I like?

"No seafood?" Gram asked me, and I, again, shook my head. Especially being new to the northeast, I knew I'd be faced with wild looks and accusatory questions. "Me neither!" she exclaimed and reached for my hand. "It appears you and I have more in common than I had thought. And, on that note, can I ask another question?"

I took a sip of the hot cocoa she'd made for us to enjoy as the Christmas music played from the TV speakers and the lights blinked joyfully on the mantle for our enjoyment. I smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "Gram, I think it's safe to say you're welcome to speak as freely as you'd like with me. What have you got?"

"Well, I don't want to pry, but honey, I feel like you're not sharing all that you'd like to share about yourself. Is there more about you which you'd like to share with me? I mean, you're beautiful, a college graduate, a single gal in her mid-twenties, I'd guess, and you're here to work in a bike shop. Now, I'm not judging, but something seems to have brought you here. What is that?"

I took another sip of my hot cocoa which I'd kept in my hand as she held my other one and then set it down. I released her hand and sat back. "Well, Gram? I guess I can give it to your straight. Yes, I'm a college graduate and my degree allowed me to apply and earn myself a place with BMB, but I'm a widow. I don't talk about it much, but I guess a woman who has seen a few more years of life than someone my own age would pick up on that, right?"

"Well, I knew it was something, sweetheart," Gram admitted and picked up her own cocoa. "Would you feel comfortable telling me about him? I'd love to hear about your experience."

"I would love to tell you about them, Gram," I confessed and smiled a little. It had been quite a while since I'd talked about them with anyone. "I married Mark when I was 21, and we had a lovely relationship. He was sweet and kind. He was a loyal friend and made me proud to call him my husband."

"How did you meet?"

"We met at the grocery store where we both worked. He was a great worker and fun to be around. We began dating and hit it off and naturally grew closer until we realized we could make a life together. We got married, bought a house, and began a family."

"Oh, a family? Oh, dear."

I nodded, "In the first year of our marriage, I finished my degree and got a job at a little marketing firm. I got pregnant with our first child and when I left on maternity leave, I didn't go back. I was a stay-at-home mom with Christiane and then with Irelyn."

"Oh, those are lovely names," Gram gushed. "Tell me about the girls."

"Well, Christiane was little Miss Independent from early on. She always wanted to do things on her own. She was up and walking by ten months and running by a year. She had the cutest smile and loved to use it. If anyone smiled at her, she was busy smiling back. And Irelyn was funny, even at a year old. She was walking at ten months as well, but so different from her older sister in many ways too. Christiane was a go-getter and always smiling, whereas Irelyn was laid back and already laughing. Both were so happy. It was difficult to be unhappy around them."

"Well, that comes from somewhere, you know," Gram acknowledged. "They were happy because their homelife was happy. As the stay-at-home mom, surely you had much to do with that."

"I guess," I answered and smiled shyly. "Oh, a picture," I offered quickly when I'd realized she didn't know what they had looked like. I took out my phone and flipped to my favorites to bring up the latest picture of my two girls. "Here they are."

"Oh, Trinity," Gram nearly whispered. "Oh, they are darling. Their smiles say so much." She handed back the phone and put her hands to her heart. "Oh, dear. Tell me more. What happened?"

"It was Mother's Day weekend, and as a gift, Mark surprised me with a weekend away. As in, he and the girls went away, and I got to have the whole house to myself to do whatever, whenever, and without any obligation other than to enjoy myself and the time alone. He took the girls to visit

his

mother. It was a gift to us both, I guess. His mom got her son and granddaughters, and I got to have a weekend of peace. Unfortunately (and ironically), that weekend turned into forever."

"Oh, wow," Gram breathed and sat back in her chair.

"I scrapbooked a little and played music and watched sappy movies that made me cry. I ate when I wanted and took naps and even had an amaretto and orange juice with my breakfast on Sunday morning after Mass. It was a lovely weekend. By Sunday afternoon, I missed my little family, so I was excited to hear that Mark had packed up the car and was headed home at about 6:30PM once they'd eaten dinner and said their goodbyes to Grandma.

"It was at 8:00PM when they still hadn't gotten home that I began to become worried. I called his mom and asked her if they'd been delayed at all. She became worried as well and requested that I call her when they got home. At 8:30PM, I got a call from an unknown number. I hurried to answer, and time slowed down to an almost snail-like pace. The man introduced himself as the sheriff on the scene and asked me to please sit down. I knew then that my life was about to change.

"I sat down and told him I'd done so. He explained that there had been an accident and that my number had been listed as Mark's 'ICE,' or 'in case of an emergency.' I told him that Mark was my husband. He proceeded to share that I needed to come to the hospital as soon as possible. He asked if the address on Mark's driver's license was correct and shared that he would meet me at the emergency room doors at the closest hospital to where I was."

"Not the closest hospital to where the accident occurred?" Gram asked and touched her heart again.

"No, and I caught that also," I admitted. "Oh, how I couldn't grasp what was going on. I had three lives to check on which were in that truck. Surely, I was going to find out that Mark was badly injured and, of course, I'd have to pick up the girls. That was my mindset when I walked into the hospital 20 minutes later.

"So many policemen were around when I walked in. I went to the counter and told the lady my name and that I was to meet someone there about my husband. The uniformed policeman standing closest to the desk turned and faced me. He introduced himself and asked me to follow him. He turned to walk away from the emergency department. I was further confused. I thought, 'Oh, he has the girls in a safe place where they won't be scared.'"

"No?"

"No," I answered with sadness. "Oh, it's been a long while since I've shared this. I'm sorry, it's hitting me a little more than I'd expected."

"Trinity, you don't ever need to apologize for crying in front of me, alright?" Gram explained and handed me a tissue. "I can't imagine what it must feel like to relive such an intense memory."

"Well, I was brought to a room and asked to sit down," I shared. "I was then told that a drunk driver had blown a stop sign and hit Mark's truck going over 80 miles per hour. Mark and the girls were pronounced dead at the scene. I just couldn't believe it. He assured me that Mark most likely died on impact which meant he probably hadn't suffered.

"I wondered about the girls being that they were in car seats, but Irelyn was behind Mark which meant she got the bulk of the impact with him, and because Christiane was in a booster, she took on more of the impact when the truck rolled and landed. He, along with my mother-in-law, convinced me to understand that it appeared the girls had been asleep when the accident occurred and most likely hadn't woken up. Their peaceful facial expressions sure seemed to give me that indication anyway.

"You know, I'm both a widow and a mother of two deceased children, but there's no name for that. A child who loses her parents is an orphan. There's 'widow' and 'widower' for husbands and wives, but nothing is out there to describe a parent who had lost a child. Maybe I'll dub the name 'widow plus.'"

"Oh, that's a good one," Gram told me and sat forward again. "Did they let you see them then?"

"Yes, I had to identify Mark and the girls. It wasn't difficult to know it was them, but boy, it was sure hard to go home to that house without them. I ended up having to call Mark's mom to tell her. She took care of calling Mark's sister and their whole family. I then had to call my parents, and thankfully, my mom called my whole family. I called my best friend, and she and another mutual friend came to the hospital to pick me up and to bring my car home for me.

"I was numb for a bit, then I switched to responsible mode where I got the wake and funeral and burial all planned and ready. I got dressed each day in my black clothes and nodded a lot. My best friend, Jen, stayed with me Sunday and Monday nights until my brother came home from Wisconsin and stayed with me from that Tuesday until five weeks later so I was not alone. When I was finally home alone for the first time, I mourned openly and freely for several hours. The next morning, I woke up, contacted my old workplace, spoke with my old boss, got an interview, and was back working there by the following Monday morning."

"Wow," Gram answered and put her hands out to hold mine. "Thank you for sharing that with me. Now, may I share my story?"

"Oh, please do," I encouraged.

"Well, I was married when I was 19 to a wonderful man named Bob. He was the love of my life if ever there was one. Oh, we were so hot for each other. Sometimes, when I think back, I think I still blush at the things we did." She giggled, let go of my hands after a quick squeeze, and then covered her cheeks. "Oh, here I go again!"

"Well, that sounds amazing," I told her honestly. "How long were you two married?"

"Only two short years, sadly," Gram answered and clasped her hands together. When she looked up at me, she found the look of shock she'd been expecting. "Oh, I didn't know about your story, but I knew I felt a familiarity when we hit it off as well as we have during this visit. Being a young widow is quite a feeling."

"Yes, it is," I agreed. "Gram, please continue. I am honored that you feel you can share. This means so much to me. Truly. I'm so glad Tom wouldn't take no for an answer when he had insisted that I stay with you."

"Does he know that you're a widow? How much of your story does he know?"

"Yes, well, I suppose that he knows because it's on the application form," I answered and then tilted my head. "The information was provided to him, anyway. One never knows how much someone acknowledges on those forms. And we spoke about my desire to move away from Illinois for a change of scenery and a new experience, but I didn't tell him much. Again, it's not something I can just blurt out. It makes people feel uncomfortable." I shrugged and took my final drink of the cocoa before setting down the cup for the last time.

"See, I didn't have anyone to share with," Gram revealed. "They didn't have support groups back then. Did you go to any? Did you find them helpful?"

"I did, and they were," I responded and touched the bracelet I was wearing. It was from the group of people who'd gone in together to get me a going away gift. I'd worn it almost daily since. "I'm so sorry you didn't have that support, Gram. There were days when I thought I was attending my last meeting because I was feeling better, and then there were times when I thought I'd never get enough meetings to help me feel whole again."

"Well, in my day, one just learned to deal with the loss," Gram noted. "But then, about a year later, I met Owen. He and I were friendly and began to date at the encouragement of my sister, Patti, and my closest friend, Phyllis. Between the two of them, we'd been set up, and then when Owen proposed, both claimed they'd made it happen. To make them both happy, they were both maids of honor in our wedding.

"Tom was born first, and then John, and then Tony. Owen was a wonderful husband and father. I will always be thankful for the 52 years we were married. And with nine grandchildren and a couple greats already, well, I have lived a wonderful life."

"So, how did you know when you were ready to move on? A woman in group told us once at one of my first meetings that it can't be explained, but when the time is right, you'll just feel it. There's no set timetable. She said, 'when you know, you know.' There are times when I feel like I might be ready. It's been a year and a half since their deaths. But then there are times when I feel like I just couldn't do it. I don't think about it all that often. I did feel like this move was the right thing to do, and when the plans were in place, I had a peace about me which confirmed that."

"Yes, I didn't think I could move on with anyone, but when I met Owen, I felt a sense of peace, probably something similar to what you are describing. I didn't see stars or feel the immense attraction that I did with Bob, but no two men or chemical reactions are the same. I did feel good when I was with Owen, and he always treated me right and made me feel good. I knew Bob wasn't coming back, so I just had to grasp that whatever happened, it would be different."

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense," I responded and nodded. "I guess the move is my peace for now. Maybe one day, I'll meet someone who will give me another kind of peace."

"Perhaps, or maybe, the calm you've felt in the romance department will suddenly

not

be so peaceful, and the desire to kick it into gear will make you realize you're ready for that to change as well." I gave her a surprised look, but she just winked as she picked up her mug and drank the rest of her cocoa. And then her front door opened.

"Gram? I've got your groceries," a voice called out from the direction of the front door. "Gram?"

"In here, dear," Gram answered and smiled as she set her cup down on the table in front of us.

"Oh, hey, Gram? Listen, I got you the bacon you requested, but if you tell Dad, I'm not doing it again. You got me in trouble last time I picked up that chocolate bar." He continued walking past us and into the kitchen. Because he was holding the two big paper bags in his arms, he didn't see me sitting with Gram.

"Oh, alright, I won't tell," Gram answered and laughed. "But Tommy, hun, your dad doesn't get to dictate what I eat, you know. He only found out that you got me that candy bar because you got all defensive when he asked me about it. You dug your own hole on that one."

"Do you want me to clean up this cocoa while I'm out here? I wouldn't mind the rest. Is that alright, Gram?"

"Sure, honey. Why don't you pour yourself a mug and join me for a bit?" Gram asked and smiled at me. Clearly, he had no idea I was there.

"Oh, hey, Gram? Whose car is that in the drive..." the guy asked as he came walking into the living room. Remember that slowed down time I was describing when I had told Gram about how it felt to hear that there had been an accident? Yeah, I hadn't felt that since Mother's Day a year and a half prior. And then Tommy Parker walked from Gram's kitchen to her living room and set eyes on me.

Holy crap.

"Tommy? What were you asking?" Gram asked him after a full, awkward 20 seconds of silence (other than the music) had filled the room.

"Hi, I'm Trinity," I told him after I stood up and extended my hand to shake his. He still hadn't said anything, so I smiled and pointed with my other hand. "Oh, um, that's my car. I was instructed by, well, I'm guessing your dad, to stay here with Gram until I'm able to move into my house. I will begin working at BMB on Monday."

"Tommy?" Gram called to him again. That snapped him out of his stupor.