Because I Still Love You

This is the third and the last part of the three part series "Because I Still Love You" ...

***

You don't love me? Sexual needs? Boy toy?

Lea looked at the closed door and sank into the chair. She was hurt at the accusations that Ken hurled at her. She never wanted him as just a fuck-buddy. She needed him in every way possible -- as a friend, as a partner, as a husband and above all as a soul mate with whom she could share everything and anything. She kept looking at the closed door, hoping and praying that Ken would return back. She never meant to hurt him. He was everything she had ever wanted. And now ... Tears welled up in her eyes as she realized that may be she had lost him and she couldn't blame a third person. She was too immersed in her job and life in New York that she ignored the guy, who had been her rock support. He was only one who had been there for her -- always and anytime she needed him.

Lea couldn't stay in the apartment anymore. The last part of their conversation kept on playing in her head. She walked towards the nearest park and sat down on one of the benches. The diamond still sparkled on her finger, reminding her of the day Ken had proposed to her. She ran her finger over the stone and tried to stop the tears from spilling down her cheeks.

'Hey, beautiful. What a pleasant surprise,' exclaimed Michael as he sat down beside her.

Lea was too engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't realize Michael's presence.

'Are you alright?' asked Michael as he laid his hand on her shoulder.

Lea flinched at his touch and moved away from him. 'Michael, what are you doing here?' asked Lea as she tried to wipe away her tears.

'I like this park,' said Michael as he looked around. 'Lots of hot chicks.'

'Hmm ... I see,' said Lea, not really interested in a conversation.

'It's a good thing that I found you,' said Michael as he ran his gaze over her body. 'Where is that husband of yours?'

'Ken left for Chicago today,' she said unemotionally, not wanting him to know her plight.

'Left? Had I been your husband, I wouldn't have let you out of the bed,' he said as he eyed her curiously.

'I gotta go,' said Lea as she stood up and started walking away.

'See you in office tomorrow,' remarked Michael as he kept ogling at her retreating form.

What a guy thought Lea as she walked back towards her home. She couldn't believe that she had gone to the party with this guy. Michael kept ogling at her, his gaze making her feel cheap and derogatory. Ken had always been right about Michael. Only she had been a fool to believe that Michael was good enough to be trusted. She wanted to be in Ken's arms. She missed him and the encounter with Michael only emphasized this fact. She wished that she hadn't gone to the party that night, leaving Ken behind. As soon as she left the house that evening, she knew that she had made the biggest mistake of her life. And her decision that night had left her all alone ...

She walked back into the empty house, wishing that she had the time to undo the past. She could feel Ken's presence everywhere in the house. The bed was still unmade and the smell of sex still lingered in the air. She crept onto the bed and hugged the pillow close, absorbing Ken's scent on the pillow. She closed her eyes and allowed sleep to take over.

***

Lea stood outside the door of Ken's house. She placed her suitcase near the door and rang the door-bell. She didn't know what to talk and how to react if Ken opened the door. The last conversation between them had been 3 weeks back. Ken had asked her not to call him up and she had tried her level best to respect his wishes. There were times when she missed him and all she wanted to do was listen to his voice, but every time she picked up the phone, she remembered his last words ...

'Lea?' asked Caitlyn as she opened the door. 'Is that really you?'

'Mom,' said Lea a she looked at Ken's mother before her. 'I am so glad to meet you,' she said as she wrapped her arms around Caitlyn and squeezed her.

'Come on in,' said Caitlyn as she ushered Lea into the living room.

Lea tugged the heavy suitcase inside and left it near the door. 'Haven't you been eating well?' asked Caitlyn as she ran her gaze along Lea's thinned out body. 'What's wrong, honey?'

Lea sat down on the couch and looked at Caitlyn, apprehensively. 'Did Ken talk to you?'

'About what?' asked Caitlyn as she sat beside Lea and took Lea's hand into hers. 'What happened, Lea?' she asked softly as she stroked her hand.

'Where is Ken?' asked Lea as she looked around.

'Ken and Rebecca have gone to the store to get the groceries. Now, tell me, Lea, why are you upset?'

'Am I that obvious, Mom?' asked Lea, with a wry smile.

'You are the daughter that I never had. You can share anything with me, child. You know that, don't you?' asked Caitlyn, soothingly as she leaned against the couch and looked at Lea.

'Have I lost him?' asked Lea, voicing her most important concern.

'Ken loves you Lea. I don't know what happened between the two of you,' said Caitlyn as she walked into the kitchen. Lea followed her. 'But since the day, he came back from New York, he isn't himself. He doesn't eat much, he hardly talks and he spends most of the time going through your photos. Coffee?'

Lea only nodded her head and whispered, 'I screwed up really bad, Mom. I didn't mean to hurt him. I love him. I always have ...'

'I know, Lea,' said Caitlyn as she handed Lea, the cup of coffee. 'And that is why you are here.'

'I left the job in New York,' confessed Lea as she looked at Caitlyn. 'I didn't want to stay alone. The thought of losing Ken ...'

Her voice shook as tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill any moment. She placed the cup on the nearest counter and tried to walk away, when she felt Caitlyn's hand on her shoulder. She threw her arms around the elder lady and sobbed her heart out. Caitlyn stroked Lea's back as she allowed Lea to let out her grief.

'It's gonna be fine, Lea,' said Caitlyn, finally speaking up. 'Everything will work out fine.' She said as she ruffled her hair and placed a kiss on her forehead. 'Trust me,' she said as she gave Lea one last squeeze.

'I am sorry, Mom. I didn't turn out to be a very good wife,' said Lea as she looked at Caitlyn, her voice remorseful.

'You have been a wonderful daughter, Lea,' said Caitlyn as she patted Lea's cheek. 'Go and take some rest, honey. You must be tired.'

Lea turned and started walking towards the guest room, when she heard Caitlyn's voice. 'Go and sleep in Ken's room. I will let him know, once he comes back.'

'But ...'

'Do as I say, Lea. Don't argue with your mother,' said Caitlyn with a smile as she pushed Lea into Ken's room.

Ken's room ... It still looked the same. His bed was unmade, photos strewn across the floor, magazines lying on the bed, her photo on the nightstand. Lea cleaned up the room, arranging the magazines in the shelf and arranging all the photos into a photo album. She walked over to the settee in the corner and settled on it, grabbing the blanket from the bed. She didn't want to sleep on the bed, not when Ken wasn't beside her. She looked at the photo of their wedding on the wall and wondered if they could again be a happy couple.

***

Ken walked into the house, his arms full of bags. He placed the bags on the floor and stumbled against a suitcase. Lea's suitcase ... Was she here? His heart pounded in his chest as he scanned the entire living room for her presence. He walked into the guest bedroom but found it empty. That only left one place ... his bedroom ... their bedroom.

He tiptoed into the bedroom, not wanting to wake her up if she was sleeping. He found the bed empty and for a brief second, he wondered if he had imagined her suitcase outside. But then he caught her in the corner, asleep on the settee. A blanket covering her and she looked so ... tired, exhausted, dull and she looked sad, lost. Was she suffering as much as he? He moved inside the bedroom and watched her beautiful, angelic face. Her lips were parted, her breathing deep and even, her dark hair fanned out behind her. He then noticed the tearstains on her cheeks. Oh hell!

***

Lea felt someone's gaze burning into her skin. She fluttered her eyes open only to find Ken standing before her. She got up and stood before him, not knowing what to say. She looked at him and found him looking surprised and happy? She offered him a half-smile and waited for his response.

'How are you?' asked Ken breaking the silence.

'I am fine. What about you?' asked Lea as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

'I am good. How's work? '

'I don't know. I left the job,' whispered Lea and looked away.

'Why? I thought you wanted the job,' said Ken as he folded his arms and waited for Lea's reply.

'Not as much as I wanted my husband,' said Lea, her eyes misty.

'Ok,' said Ken nonchalantly. 'Wanna eat something?' asked Ken as he shrugged out of his jacket.

Lea only nodded her head. Ken walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Lea followed behind him, looping her arms around herself.

'Hop onto the counter,' said Ken as he rummaged through the cabinets. 'I will dish something out.'

'Thanks,' said Lea and allowed her eyes to follow Ken's every move.

She admired Ken as he chopped the onions. His muscles flexed with each move. She still remembered the days when Ken used to work in the kitchen. She used to ogle blatantly, drooling over his well toned body. Seeing Ken after so many weeks, made her realize how much she had missed him. He looked haggard and worn-out. And as Caitlyn had remarked, it didn't look like he was eating much. She lowered her eyes, the moment Ken raised his head and turned towards her. She hung her head down and looked at her bare feet, not wanting to meet his gaze.

'You aren't normally this silent,' said Ken as he wiped his hands on the sides of his jeans. 'Will a toast and omlette do?'

'Yes,' whispered Lea softly as she fidgeted with her shirt.

'Wanna help?' asked Ken as he kept staring at her.

'Ok,' said Lea as she got down from the counter. She reached for the loaf of bread and started cutting the slices. 'How many?' she asked, not looking at him.

'Four will do,' said Ken as he observed her.

She cut the slices and popped them into the toaster. She waited for them to pop out. Ken whipped the eggs and the vegetables. He poured the mixture into the frying pan.

'I will do the rest,' said Ken as he flipped the omlette. 'Go and sit in the living room. I will be right there.'

Lea walked away mechanically and sat on the couch. She looked around. The house was still the same. She curled her feet underneath her and reached for the remote. She switched on the television and flipped through the channels.

'Here you go,' said Ken as he handed her a plate.

'Thanks,' said Lea as she took the plate. She looked at the food wearily. She poked around the toast, taking small bites, mechanically chewing the food. Once she completed half of the toast, she got up and walked into the kitchen.

'Why aren't you eating well?' asked Ken as he leaned against the entrance of the kitchen.

'I am eating fine,' whispered Lea as she dumped the leftovers into the dustbin. After washing the plate, she wiped it clean and placed it on the counter.

'Where is Mom?' she asked as she looked around.

'Rebecca is getting married next week. Mom went on a shopping trip with her.'

'Oh! That's nice,' said Lea as she offered him a smile.

'Take some rest, Lea. You look tired,' said Ken as he looked at her warmly.

'Ok,' said Lea as she walked towards the guest room. 'I shall take the guest room. I don't want to ...'

'... You can sleep in my room. The bed is big enough for two people,' chuckled Ken.

Lea looked at him, watching him smile. 'Can I hug you?' she blurted out.

'Come here,' said Ken as he held out his hand.

Lea walked slowly, uncertain of Ken's reaction. Ken swept her into his arms and held her close. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him. He stroked her hair and allowed her to hold him.

'I missed you so much,' whispered Lea and absorbed the feeling of being in his arms.

After what felt like an eternity, Lea pulled back and turned away, not wanting to meet his gaze. She didn't know if she could bear the hatred in his eyes or the love in his eyes. She walked towards Ken's bedroom and sat on the bed. She ran her fingers over their photo on the nightstand. Their conversation had been no short of a disaster. The one line answers, the uncomfortable feeling and the invisible barrier that seemed to be growing between them were too much for Lea to bear. Ken didn't look pleased with her decision to move back to Chicago. Had she made a mistake by coming back to Chicago? She curled onto her side and closed her eyes, closing her mind from all the emotional turmoil.

Sometime later, she felt a strong possessive arm around her waist and she being pulled closer. She heard Ken whisper something inaudible. He stroked her hair and held her close. She was too tired to protest or voice her opinion. She drifted off again, shutting out all the doubts and questions in her mind.

***

'What are you doing this Friday night?' asked Lea as she plopped down on the couch beside Ken.

'Nothing much,' replied Ken, giving her a cursory glance. He went back to the file that he had been reading.

'Shall we go on a date?'

'A date?' asked Ken as he looked at Lea. 'But why?'

'Come on, Ken. Don't you know why people go on a date?' she asked with a smile, making his heart swell. 'You can afford to spend a couple of hours with me, can't you?'

'Ok, Friday night it is,' he said and went back to his file.

'I won't bite, I promise,' she said with a wink and sashayed into the kitchen.

Ken only shook his head. He tried to stifle his smile as he looked at Lea, who seemed to be damn happy as if she was been given the most precious thing in the world. What was wrong with him? He was supposed to be angry with her ... But Lea made it impossible. It had been a week since she had been in Chicago and everyday she kept melting the barriers that he had constructed between them. She kept on finding new ways to make him love her even more. The way, in which her eyes sparkled when she talked with him, her smile which she seemed to have reserved only for his sake and the casual way in which she touched him during a conversation ... How could he be angry with her?

***

'What are you thinking about?' asked Lea as she gazed fondly into his eyes.

'You,' replied Ken as he pulled her closer and swayed to the music.

'Me?' asked Lea, surprised by his sudden confession. 'What about me?'

'Everything ...,' whispered Ken as he bent and whispered against her ear. 'Why are we here, Lea?'

'I wanted some alone time with you,' murmured Lea and pulled apart.

She tugged him towards their table. After placing their order, Lea looked at Ken, gauzing his reaction.

'Do you want to know about the party?'

'What party?' asked a confused Ken.

'The party to which I went with Michael,' said Lea, not wanting to bring Michael's name up.

'Is there something that I should know?' asked Ken, sternly.

'I don't know, Ken,' said Lea softly, 'I feel that you deserve to know the truth.'

'Ok,' said Ken, a little apprehensive about Lea's tone. 'I am all ears.'

Just then their food arrived. Lea poked at her food, almost reluctant to eat.

'Here,' said Ken as he offered her a small bite.

'Thanks,' said Lea and she accepted the bite.

'You can talk, Lea,' said Ken as he offered her another bite. 'I will feed you,' he grinned.

Lea just gave him a faint smile and took his hand into hers.

'I didn't sleep with Michael,' said Lea as she looked at Ken, wondering if he wanted to know that.

'Hey, I didn't ask you that?' asked Ken as he ran his finger across her jaw. 'I never said you cheated on me. I know you aren't that kind of a girl, sweetie.'

'I just wanted you to know,' said Lea as she caught his hand from her face and kissed it. 'I thought that ... that may be you were thinking that I ...'

'No ...' said Ken as he pulled his chair closer to hers. 'You are too innocent to cheat on me, Lea. Of all people, I know this.'

Lea acknowledged his statement with a smile. 'I am happy that you trust me.'

'I always trust you, Lea. I always will. There is no doubt about it. But it isn't about trust, honey?'

'It isn't?' asked Lea as she looked at Ken.

'No, it isn't. I felt like you didn't want me in your life. Remember, I was the one who used to come every weekend, just to spend a couple of days with you. I thought that maybe you weren't interested in me anymore.'

'You are my husband,' defended Lea appalled at Ken's statements. 'You are the only guy I am interested in and I will always be interested in.'

'We are not eating,' chuckled Ken as he offered her another bite. 'You have thinned out a lot, baby.'

'Do you want me here, Ken?' asked Lea, a little apprehensive about his reply.

'Do you want to be here?' asked Ken as he looked into her eyes.

'Yes,' said Lea as she gulped down the glass of water, needing courage of some sort. 'Why would I leave my job and come here if I didn't want to be here?'

'Hmm ... You have a point there,' said Ken and continued. 'Mom is happy to have you back.'

'What about you?'

'I don't mind having you,' said Ken as a matter-of-fact.

'Oh! I see,' said Lea, as rage stirred up in her. 'So, my presence or absence doesn't bother you ... Good to know that, Mr. Harper,' said Lea as she stood up.

'Lea ...,' said Ken as he pulled her back into her chair. 'I didn't mean that ...'

'Leave me,' said Lea as she snatched her hand back, 'I have got work to do.'

'What work?' asked Ken as he tugged Lea's hand into his. 'I think your forgot that you left your job.'

'It seems like I will have to find a new one,' said Lea as she stood and started to walk.

'Wait a minute, dammit,' said Ken as he pulled her back and hauled her into his arms. 'Since when did you become so serious?' he said as he wrapped his arms around her.

'Ken, let me go,' muttered Lea as she struggled against Ken. 'We are in a restaurant for God's sake. There are people around us ...'

'Stop whining, will you?' said Ken softly as he rocked her gently. 'Let me hold you for a few seconds,' whispered Ken against her ear.

'We still have issues to sort out. I won't let you dodge ...'

'... Shh. I missed you, sweetie,' said Ken as he led them to their seats. He cupped her face in his hands, making sure he could meet her gaze.

'Ken ..., not now,' said Lea as she looked away.

'Hey, now don't start crying,' chided Ken playfully as he ran his thumb over her cheek. 'I can't handle it when you cry.'

'I won't,' said Lea with a smile, making Ken's heart swell with warmth.

'I missed your smile,' confessed Ken, placing his finger in her dimple. 'And I missed your dimple too.'

'I won't sleep with you,' said Lea, forcing Ken to reel back a little.

'Where did that come from?' asked Ken as he looked at Lea, who seemed to be serious.

'I won't use you for sex. I want you to believe that I want you as more than just my boy toy,' said Lea as she pulled back a little. 'I will make sure that you know how much I love you and how much I want to be with you -- as a person, as a friend and above all, as a soul mate. So, no getting into the sack until my husband realizes that I want him to be a part of my life.'

Ken looked at her, astonished and bewildered at her statement. She seemed quite serious about the proposition and even he wanted to give it a try.

'Lea, all this is not necessary ...'

'It is necessary, Ken. I won't let you think that I love you only because you are amazing in bed. I love you as a person, accepting all your flaws.'