Alarmed

I think it's somewhere around 3:00 or 3:30 in the morning, but I can't be sure. Is this his bed, or even his house? I can't be sure of that either. Only two things I know for sure — this is his shirt I'm wearing and I did just sleep with him. Well, "sleep" is putting it nicely. Oh God, I'm going to regret having done this. I already regret it. How could I be so weak? I'm not a weak person. I don't sleep around, and I don't fall for guys that easily. And it's not like he's a stranger. I mean, I've known Stefan for nearly a year. So here I sit on the edge of his bed in the pre- dawn darkness wondering how I got here. Okay, think, think — let's go back to the party...

*

Christine and I arrived midway through the soiree at Mike's place. It was a large old house that he shared with three other guys. All four of them had graduated from college in the past year but acted like they had never left. As with most of Mike's impromptu parties, he invited tons of girls at the last moment but only a handful showed up. There were plenty of guys, though, somewhere like 25 if I had stopped to count, making the ratio something like five to one, in our favor of course.

"Laurie, you need this party," Christine yelled over the music. "You need to show Kevin that you're not going to take being dumped."

"I know, I'll be fine," I answered, but I didn't feel fine. I felt hurt and lost, as though a rug had been pulled out from under me. I was emotionally adrift, unsure of my confidence.

Yet, from outward appearances I was primed for fun. I dressed in party mode, wearing a jean skirt, a cream colored cami and heels. Well, they were small heels but that was a lot for me. I have pretty nice legs and like to show them off on occasion. Kevin had given me an excuse to bring them out of hiding, temporarily shedding my modesty. I wasn't sure if this party was the answer, but a night out with Christine was better than sitting at home wallowing self-doubt.

Looking around, I spotted a vaguely familiar face talking to a group of guys in the kitchen. I suppose my glance lingered a little too long because he looked back and noticed me hopelessly trying to avert my eyes. Too late, I was caught. On top of that, Christine disappeared. I was stranded in the middle of the room and left to contemplate the first discomfiture of the night. When I could finally summons the courage to look his way, I took some relief in seeing him chatting it up with the guys. Social crisis averted for the moment at least. It was probably a half hour later that he made his way to the living room.

"Hi Laurie," he said, giving me a nod.

"Hi," I answered nonchalantly.

"I'm Stefan, a friend of Mike's," he spoke brimming with an easy- going assuredness. He was effortlessly poised and natural in his delivery and body language. He came across as one of those guys who never second-guessed themselves, as though he was born to get everything right on the first try.

"Yes, I know you. You're also friends with Nick Lucien and Alan Boyle. I've seen you out with them," I said.

"Yes, that's right," and he smiled that devilish grin of his as he looked directly into my eyes.

I think he might have known something right there, because I had to look away. Was it that obvious that I was attracted to him? I mean other than the smile, the dark brown eyes, the broad shoulders and a captivating presence, he wasn't my type. I tried to remain composed. Could he also smell my vulnerability? Could he somehow see that my pulse was racing?

"Would you like something to drink?" he asked.

"What's there to drink?" I asked.

"I think it's just beer. I hope you like beer," he smiled again and laughed.

"I guess I have no choice," I answered and smiled back.

About that time the music grew loud again and I followed him to the kitchen, where he thoughtfully bypassed the keg and opened up a bottle of Belgian beer -- the name of which I'd never heard before. We couldn't return to the living room, so we made our way upstairs, where I met up with Christine, who gave me an embarrassing wink and nod when she spotted Stefan following me. She'd already had a little bit to drink, but she was harmless. She whispered something to him as he passed, and I wondered what it was. Since she and Stefan were better acquainted as friends, I didn't think much of it.

The upstairs was open and calmer than the din of the party downstairs. Stefan and I made small talk, moving continuously in a way that prevented the awkwardness of pauses. He spoke with an enticing ease, and I found myself charmed by the movement of his lips when he made "o" and "a" vowel sounds. At some point he asked me if I wanted to see something interesting. I nodded my head and said "sure." He led me to a door which looked as though it opened to a bathroom. It was a bathroom, but it was also much more, since a new Jacuzzi had been put in.

I kind of laughed, since it was such a bachelor guy thing to have. He told me that he helped install it. I followed along like a dutiful puppy, wondering if he was preparing to make a move. It was an odd combination of amusement and curiosity that held me in fixation. With anyone else, I suppose I would have made a polite exit, but he seemed so genuine and earnest. To be honest I was flattered that a guy as good-looking as he was so attentive.

He turned on the tract lighting and then flipped another switch which sent the waters churning. I looked at him, wondering if he thought I was going to get into it, but he had other plans. Instead he leaned over and kissed me. It seemed such like such a sweet kiss, like he was almost apologetic for doing it. I closed my eyes and let him kiss me again, only his lips touching me, but we held it for several minutes before he released.

"Try the water. You might find it nice if you want to stick your legs in," he offered.

I obliged him and took off my shoes. Then, I sat on the edge and eased my legs into the water. He was right, it was nice. He sat next to me, but didn't put his legs in. Rather, he sat where he could face me with his legs dangling outside of the tub while mine were inside. He tilted my chin back and leaned in, kissing me again. I kissed him back and didn't wait for him to open his mouth. I opened mine wide as I closed my eyes again. I felt his tongue enter my mouth and I leaned over further toward him. To keep my balance, I reached my arm around his neck and held myself there.

He explored my mouth with his tongue, and all I could think about was how wonderful he felt, how great he smelled and how good he tasted. I lifted my other hand and pushed it against his chest. Yes, this is what I needed, a good snog with a guy who was great at kissing. Oh, how he took my breath away! Then, he moved his hand off my shoulder and glided his way down to my breast, caressing it. I'd always been self-conscious about my small breasts, so I was a little unsure of myself when he started fondling them, but I figured it was a small price to pay for the way he was making me feel.

I kept my lips locked onto his, swirling my tongue and holding him. He then reached under my cami and slid his hand up my chest, fingering my nipples and squeezing my breast. I didn't object and indulged him, arching my back in an attempt to make my bust seem larger than it really was. After a few moments both of his hands were under my cami caressing both breasts. He was gentle and exquisite, touching me softly and enticingly in a way that bordered on teasing. He pulled his lips from mine but held his hands on my breasts. I kept my head tilted back with my eyes closed. I didn't know I could get such pleasure from his hands. I must have held a look of satisfaction on my face, since he pulled my cami up over my breasts and continued fondling them. I swirled my legs around in the Jacuzzi, relishing the tingling from the water jets, letting my legs move in small counter-circles in the hot water.

I found myself opening my legs as far as the skirt would let me, though I must have done it subconsciously. I didn't realize this until I felt his fingers move up my thigh. I flinched suddenly and opened my eyes, not so much shocked but surprised by the softness of his fingers. He leaned over and whispered into my ear, "I want you."

I had heard this proposition a number of times, and before it didn't take much for me to gracefully escape with some dignity intact. Oh, but Stefan, you caught me with my defenses down. You charmed me and I didn't want to resist. And Kevin, you opened the door for this. You as much as threw me into the path of a guy I knew had a reputation as a charming womanizer. And I surrendered under his advances. I wanted him, too.

"Not here," I whispered back.

I don't remember much about leaving the party, except that I found Christine and told her that Stefan and I were going for a walk. She seemed occupied in another conversation. I was at the door when she shouted "have fun." The ride in his car was a blur. I looked out the window but didn't seem to notice anything. I was a bit numb, but also tingling at the same time.

The house was a small bungalow, and it looked like one of the many rentals around campus. He never turned on a light, but didn't have to since he knew his way around in the darkness. I could tell that it was Spartan, and there were no obstacles between the door and the room. He paused before opening the bedroom door and kissed me again, distracting me with his mouth while he pulled my cami up over my arms. He kissed me deeply as he removed my skirt and panties before opening the door. He picked me up and carried my naked body into the room and placed me on the bed.

I lay there on my back, prone and inviting, my eyes closed and my arms lifted above my head and resting on a pillow. I willed him to take me. He opened my legs and rubbed me gently. Ah, he knew what he was doing. He had the touch of a guy who had done this many times before. His hands and fingers spent several minutes exploring my body before he lifted himself up and stood by the foot of the bed. I opened my eyes to see him remove his shirt, his pants, and his boxers. I was ready for him. Oh, I was more than ready for him.

He bore down on me gently, though I have to say for all the smoothness of foreplay, he entered me more forcefully than I anticipated. I had only been with three guys in my life before Stefan, and with all three I pretty much controlled the act of intercourse. But with Stefan it was more than intercourse, it was primal sex — not dirty or vulgar, but savage and uninhibited. When he came inside of me, he held me down in such a way that let me know he was in charge. It was exhilarating even though I didn't reach an orgasm.

I feared that once he finished, he would roll over and search for his clothes. But to my delight he took me again, this time from behind, reaching around my waist midway through, he massaged my clitoris. I released my inhibitions and whimpered with delight. I think it actually turned him on. He brought me to an orgasm that left me quivering for what seemed like ten minutes, though I suppose it was probably closer to thirty seconds. Oh God, it felt great.

We laid there in the afterglow, silent but running fingers over each other's shoulders, chests, arms, and lips. I have to admit he was a good lover, or at least at making love. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I felt obliged to take him in my mouth. I crawled down to his waist and took hold of him, leaning down, my lips just a few inches from him when he spoke.

"You don't have to do that if you don't want to," he said.

"What?" I asked, not sure if I understood what he meant.

"Hey, I love being inside you," he responded. He paused for a moment. "I do," he added with emphasis.

I raised my head up and looked toward him. I brushed the hair from my face, and then lifted my leg over him, straddling his waist. From here I took him and directed him inside of me again. I sat atop him as he lay on his back. As I lowered myself, I felt him pressing deeper inside. As if on cue, he reached up and fondled my breasts. I arched my back but still moved up and down above him. Again I wanted to think that I was in control, but when he dropped his hands to my waist, he actually picked up my body and lowered it, pressing further each time. I took deep breaths in rhythm with each stroke, my rapture approaching quickly. His strength gave me the feeling of lightness, as though I was a willing puppet. I arrived at my orgasm before he did, but I kept the undulating movement of my body steady and intensified my carelessly loud whimpers until he reached his climax. I'm sure he heard them, and I hoped that it turned him on. It was the first time I had ever orgasmed from intercourse alone.

*

And so now I contemplate getting dressed and making a quiet exit while he sleeps. Or, I could stay here and wait until he wakes up. Will he regret it? If I stay will he want me around when he wakes up? Oh, Christine, I hope you made it home alright. I'm sure you did. And, I bet I know what you said to Stefan — you told him that Kevin and I had broken up. Oh God, what have I done? I definitely will have to break up with Kevin now.