I think it's somewhere around 3:00 or 3:30 in the morning, but I can't be sure. Is this his bed, or even his house? I can't be sure of that either. Only two things I know for sure — this is his shirt I'm wearing and I did just sleep with him. Well, "sleep" is putting it nicely. Oh God, I'm going to regret having done this. I already regret it. How could I be so weak? I'm not a weak person. I don't sleep around, and I don't fall for guys that easily. And it's not like he's a stranger. I mean, I've known Stefan for nearly a year. So here I sit on the edge of his bed in the pre- dawn darkness wondering how I got here. Okay, think, think — let's go back to the party...
*
Christine and I arrived midway through the soiree at Mike's place. It was a large old house that he shared with three other guys. All four of them had graduated from college in the past year but acted like they had never left. As with most of Mike's impromptu parties, he invited tons of girls at the last moment but only a handful showed up. There were plenty of guys, though, somewhere like 25 if I had stopped to count, making the ratio something like five to one, in our favor of course.
"Laurie, you need this party," Christine yelled over the music. "You need to show Kevin that you're not going to take being dumped."
"I know, I'll be fine," I answered, but I didn't feel fine. I felt hurt and lost, as though a rug had been pulled out from under me. I was emotionally adrift, unsure of my confidence.
Yet, from outward appearances I was primed for fun. I dressed in party mode, wearing a jean skirt, a cream colored cami and heels. Well, they were small heels but that was a lot for me. I have pretty nice legs and like to show them off on occasion. Kevin had given me an excuse to bring them out of hiding, temporarily shedding my modesty. I wasn't sure if this party was the answer, but a night out with Christine was better than sitting at home wallowing self-doubt.
Looking around, I spotted a vaguely familiar face talking to a group of guys in the kitchen. I suppose my glance lingered a little too long because he looked back and noticed me hopelessly trying to avert my eyes. Too late, I was caught. On top of that, Christine disappeared. I was stranded in the middle of the room and left to contemplate the first discomfiture of the night. When I could finally summons the courage to look his way, I took some relief in seeing him chatting it up with the guys. Social crisis averted for the moment at least. It was probably a half hour later that he made his way to the living room.
"Hi Laurie," he said, giving me a nod.
"Hi," I answered nonchalantly.
"I'm Stefan, a friend of Mike's," he spoke brimming with an easy- going assuredness. He was effortlessly poised and natural in his delivery and body language. He came across as one of those guys who never second-guessed themselves, as though he was born to get everything right on the first try.
"Yes, I know you. You're also friends with Nick Lucien and Alan Boyle. I've seen you out with them," I said.
"Yes, that's right," and he smiled that devilish grin of his as he looked directly into my eyes.
I think he might have known something right there, because I had to look away. Was it that obvious that I was attracted to him? I mean other than the smile, the dark brown eyes, the broad shoulders and a captivating presence, he wasn't my type. I tried to remain composed. Could he also smell my vulnerability? Could he somehow see that my pulse was racing?
"Would you like something to drink?" he asked.
"What's there to drink?" I asked.
"I think it's just beer. I hope you like beer," he smiled again and laughed.
"I guess I have no choice," I answered and smiled back.
About that time the music grew loud again and I followed him to the kitchen, where he thoughtfully bypassed the keg and opened up a bottle of Belgian beer -- the name of which I'd never heard before. We couldn't return to the living room, so we made our way upstairs, where I met up with Christine, who gave me an embarrassing wink and nod when she spotted Stefan following me. She'd already had a little bit to drink, but she was harmless. She whispered something to him as he passed, and I wondered what it was. Since she and Stefan were better acquainted as friends, I didn't think much of it.
The upstairs was open and calmer than the din of the party downstairs. Stefan and I made small talk, moving continuously in a way that prevented the awkwardness of pauses. He spoke with an enticing ease, and I found myself charmed by the movement of his lips when he made "o" and "a" vowel sounds. At some point he asked me if I wanted to see something interesting. I nodded my head and said "sure." He led me to a door which looked as though it opened to a bathroom. It was a bathroom, but it was also much more, since a new Jacuzzi had been put in.
I kind of laughed, since it was such a bachelor guy thing to have. He told me that he helped install it. I followed along like a dutiful puppy, wondering if he was preparing to make a move. It was an odd combination of amusement and curiosity that held me in fixation. With anyone else, I suppose I would have made a polite exit, but he seemed so genuine and earnest. To be honest I was flattered that a guy as good-looking as he was so attentive.