I frowned as I looked in the mirror. I saw back a very bland-looking male. Not ugly, but not particularly handsome. Just another face in the crowd. I had zero distinctive features. Straight brown hair, slightly receding at the temples (showing my age a bit -- to be expected at 37.) Average height. Slight paunch, the result of a lifestyle where I had a job that required 8 hours of sitting at a desk. Even my dick size was average -- 6.5 inches. Not big enough to attract a size queen and not small enough to attract women who fetishized small penises.
"So," I said to my reflection, "how do you plan to stand out enough to draw the attention of a woman?"
When you have issues, talk to a bartender, not a pshrink. Bartenders have heard it all and they don't charge $200 an hour. Just make sure you stay sober.
I went to my favorite watering hole, ordered a tonic water, and since it was a slow time, Greg the bartender had time to listen to me whine about life.
He kept them coming, and by my third tonic water, he had an idea. "I have a friend, a woman, who's been complaining that she can't find a decent man. Maybe I could set you two up on a blind date."
I didn't have a better idea, so I agreed. I gave Greg my phone number and told him to pass it to her, along with instructions to call in the evening. He said he would pass the information along to her.
Sure enough, two evenings later, my phone rang.
"Hello, Steve speaking."
"Hi. I'm Kendra. Greg gave me your number."
"Yes, he said he would. Nice to hear from you. What do you suggest?"
"I suggest we wait until Saturday morning, then meet at the Starbucks on the corner of Davis Street and Gill Avenue at 10:00 a.m. and see if we like each other in person."
"Sounds like a plan. How will I recognize you?"
"I'm 43 and I look it, plus I'll be wearing a Toledo Mud Hens visor."
We live in California, several thousand miles from Toledo. I figured that would definitely stand out.
"I'll be wearing a black top hat with a yellow band around the middle of it."
"Okay, Steve. See you Saturday morning."
Saturday arrived. I showered, dressed, found my old "Abraham Lincoln" hat, tied a yellow ribbon around it (I didn't have an old oak tree handy), put it on, and drove to the Starbucks in question. My car clock read 9:56 a.m. when I parked.
Two minutes later, I entered the Starbucks. As I stood in line, the front door opened and a woman about my height, with straight brown hair and wearing a Toledo Mud Hens visor, walked in. She gave me a smile, which I returned, then stood directly in back of me in the line. We adjusted our positions so we could look at each other as we spoke.
"Nice to meet you, Kendra."
"Nice to meet you, Steve."
I offered to include her order with mine and pay for them both, but she declined. It was my turn, so I ordered a brownie and a bottled water. Kendra placed her order, and we found an empty table to sit at.
"So what do you do for a living?" I inquired.
"PA for an executive of a local firm. You?"
"Low-level financial drone. The official title is assistant bookkeeper."
"And you must be lonely if you asked Greg to set you up with ME. I'm not exactly the best catch out there."
"That's not precisely how it happened. Greg said he knew a woman who was seeking a man in her life, and I passed on my number. He told me zero details about you, not even your name."
Kendra giggled. "That sounds like a very Greg thing to do. So, Steve, what do you do when you're not working and not talking to bartenders?"
"Read, watch TV, poke around online."
"I do the same."
"Do you have any favorite shows?"
"No. All the good ones get canceled. Something like Galavant lasts 2 seasons and bullshit like Survivor is on about its 500th."
"Yep, that's exactly what I've found."
We had finished our food and beverages.
"Here, take my contact information." Kendra gave me her number. "I already have yours."
"I'm a man. We don't pick up on hints, though obviously you want another date. What sort of date were you thinking of?"
"Not the kind you were hoping for, at least not right away. You made a good first impression on me, but I'm not going to jump into bed with you instantly just because of that. How about we meet at 10 am next Saturday in the park, and have a picnic? I'll bring blankets and beverages, and you can provide the food. Meet me by the statue of the headless horseman."
"Sounds good, Kendra." That statue originally had a head, but a ferocious storm a generation ago had driven several trees and a loose lamp pole against it, cracking off the head of the rider. When the town council discovered that the statue with the head off attracted 20 times the number of tourists as it had with the head on, they left it off permanently.
"Okay, Steve. See you then."
We talked on Tuesday and Thursday evening, casual chat and also working out the menu for the picnic. I packed two salami-and-cheddar sandwiches on white bread, both with mustard, a bag of sliced apple, a five-ounce bag of salt-and-vinegar flavor chips, and two oatmeal cookies into a picnic basket. Kendra was bringing water and ginger ale.
We met by the headless horseman, and Kendra smiled. "Good to see you again, Steve."
"Nice to see you again, Kendra."
We found a shaded, grassy spot to settle, kicked off our shoes, and stretched out on the blanket. Conversation was light and we gradually worked our way through the food, taking our sweet time doing it. We noticed people sitting on benches and watching us, and we moved our bodies a little closer.
When we finished the food and beverages, we tossed our trash in the nearest receptacle, repacked the basket and lay down on the blanket.
"That was very pleasant," Kendra said. "You've earned a kiss."
She placed her lips against mine, very gently, and we shared a long, tender moment.
"And that," I told her, "was even more pleasant."
"Steve, you flatterer."
"It's not flattery if it's true."
"I understand there will be a free concert in this very park next Saturday evening. Would you like to join me in attending it?"
"I would like nothing better, Kendra."
We talked for four evenings that week. The concert, by a local band trying to make it big, was quite nice. Kendra and I found a bench quite close to the open space they were using as a stage. We held hands the whole time.
A play at a local theater followed. Then a dinner date at a restaurant with inexpensive but tasty food, and Kendra insisted we split the bill evenly.
That was followed up by a walk in a forested glade outside town, a date where we flew kites together, and a date where we made a fire balloon. Seeing it float away in the semi-darkness made me smile. By now we'd spent two months of Saturdays together.
"You've been very patient, Steve, and have gotten to actually know me (and likewise, I've gotten to actually know you). I like you a lot, and I'm just as anxious to have a warm body next to me at night as you are. How about next Saturday you come over to my bed... er, my house?"
"I think that's a superb idea, Kendra."
