One. And. A. Half. Damn.
Weeks
!
Ever since I left Detroit for my father's company headquarters in New York, I haven't been able to do the typical kind of activities that ensure me functioning like a human being most of the time: sleep, eat, think and sense. It's as if I've been shoved into a line that I can never leave as I go about learning the ways of drilling oil and making deals and being the boss and any other facet that guarantees that I possess the knowledge to be able to run a business. Yet I suspect that they're actually just tests to see whether I'll be as ruthless and unforgiving as my old man.
Fuck it
! I hate
everything
! I hate the way I always dream of Cassandra whenever I manage to get some sleep for an extremely small number of hours—her smiling at me and teasing me and just making the best time of my life. And I hate the way it ends every time with how we separated—me striving to be strong enough to leave her and her more than wrecked from that very fact—and I always wake with a start, hoping that I was really just dreaming it all and I'm still a few streets away from her so that I'll be able to hold her and kiss her and give her unparalleled joy. But then reality delivers a solid blow to my gut and tells me that my time with her has ended and our chance together is just a ghost now.
But maybe I can manage to prove it dead wrong.
"Later on tonight we'll need to go to a business dinner," my father informs, stacking up some papers to give to his secretary whose name I still haven't bothered to try to learn yet who constantly gazes at me with undiluted hunger in her eyes. "It's extremely important that we do our best to impress Mr. Dawson since it's our one chance to be able to drill in the Atlantic. That means
absolute
...
best
...
behavior
.
Understood
?"
I finally look up from whatever document I should be assessing on my iPad to see him glaring at me, fierce warning blazing as bright as the sun in his eyes.
"Yes," I just agree, not giving a shit about whether I sound convincing enough or not.
"Good. Eight p.m., you should be ready, and read the manuscript for real," he says matter-of-factly just before exiting the office for a meeting next door, leaving me alone with Miss Hungry Eyes.
Well shit
.
"So, Mr. McLane," she starts with a practiced sexy smile, walking towards me. "I can help you get ready for the dinner if you would like."
"No thanks," I brusquely say, rising from my seat and walking past her for the door.
"
Oh
! Umm... are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Maybe I can—"
"No you can't."
As soon as I open the door I start to powerwalk for the sanctuary of my own office, locking myself in and then dropping towards the floor with my back pressed against the door, releasing a sigh of relief
and
frustration. Okay, I know that before Sandra I would've been ecstatic about having women be so persistent in chasing after me but now I really wish they would just take a no as a no.
Then the sudden
thought
of her immediately does what it always does to me; make me long for the ground to split open and let me pummel into its black depths.
Damn it
! I've never felt this...
depressed
. And puny and worthless and powerless and hollow and lifeless. Every second that ticks by is just a painful reminder of what we could—
should
have been; my heart can testify to that as it emits heartbeats too faint to hear or feel. All I'm craving for is her: her voice, her giggle, her grin, her passion, her sassiness, her eyes. Each and every little attribute that I think of pierces, incinerates, shoots, shreds, disintegrates and stomps on my heart without hesitation or mercy, making me feel twenty billion times more pathetic time and time again, not caring if I survive the assault or not. But it's not like I
want
to be let off the hook. I actually believe that I deserve to hurt like this with every single breath that I take. I just hope that Sandra's heart isn't aching as much as mine is.
I can't
stand
to be me right now, and
fuck
do I miss her bad.
My phone starts to vibrate in my pocket, and checking the screen I see that it's a message from Robert Hagen, an old friend of mine that I asked to do a favor for me, something that may or may not change the course of my future. My expectations unexpectedly rocket to the sun, and I instantly open the message to see what he has to say.
Found something. Call me as soon as you can
, he texted, which I do straightaway.
"Hey. What have you got?" I ask, furiously praying for some grace to beam down on me for the first time in eons.
"So
much
," he declares rather proudly, and fireworks go off in my body as if it's the Fourth of July. "More than I had expected. I'm sending it all to you now."
My phone vibrates to confirm his words. "And the pictures?"
"All gone. Originals
and
backups. It'll be as if they never existed."
"That's... that's great. That's just
great
! Thanks, man. I can't tell you how much you've changed my life."
"I think I can guess. I don't just do this for anyone you know."
I smile. "And I promise I'll repay you any way you want."
"Hey, just go get back the girl and
then
we can talk about the number of drinks you'll buy for me. Okay?"
That does more than just unbalance my equilibrium. A tsunami of gratitude tumbles all over and inside my body, cooling and soothing my wounded heart a bit, and suddenly I find it hard to speak with a growing lump in my throat. It's so rare to have friends who are prepared to do just about anything for you, and I know that I've been blessed with someone like him.
"Thanks again, Rob," I manage to speak.
"No problem," he says. "Now go ruin that asshole of a dad of yours."
With that terrific encouragement, I do nothing but grin deviously as I end the call and stand, newfound resolve and purpose coursing through my blood. I exit the room, making my way towards the conference room that my father is in. Miss Hungry Eyes is sitting right outside the door, cheering up as she thinks that I'm here for her but gets disappointed and shocked at the same time when I move past her and enter the room unannounced. Without delay I say, "I need to speak with you."
Many heads, including my father's, turn around to look at me, their faces full of shock and bewilderment but his only showing reserved rage.