The party is fun. I'm sitting out on the grass when I hear footsteps approaching. I whip my head around and see Elijah walking over to me. In his hands, he holds a cold beer. He hands it to me as he sits down next to me.
"Why are you out here all alone?" he asks.
I size him up, study the beer, but take a swig.
"Well, I'm not now," I say.
He chuckles.
We both go quiet, and I continue to stare at the stars. I take a few sips of my drink. Part of my brain, however, is presently aware of Elijah's knee pressed against mine. I wonder if he's doing it on purpose but tell myself not to read much into it.
"You sure do love distancing yourself from people," Elijah says.
I look at him.
"Why do you say that?" I ask.
What the hell does that mean? I don't distance myself from people. I'm at a party, for Chrissakes. I go to almost every party there is within our shared friend group.
"I'm just saying, you always make it hard for me to come and find you," he says.
Elijah looks at me. His eyes go up and down my body. I suddenly feel myself perk my chest a little straighter. This shirt I wore was a good choice. I know my breasts look amazing.
Before I can take another sip of the beer, he places his hand on my thigh and leans forward to kiss me. It's a passionate kiss, one that pushes me to the ground. He's hovering over me, and the beer in my hand spills into the grass. I finally decide to let the bottle go as we begin to make out. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him to me as our tongues dance in one another's mouths.
We continue kissing like this until I feel him pull away. I sit up a little on my elbows because I see he is unbuckling his jeans. I start to get to my knees, anticipating him wanting me to suck his dick. But to my surprise, he says something different.
"I want to fuck you this time."
Holy shit.
My mind goes blank, but my heart says DANGER. I'm in the danger zone for real. I have officially bitten off more than I can chew.
A cold sweat breaks across my face as I literally sit there watching him strip down.
I need to stop this before it gets too heavy and I can't back out.
"Wait!" I exclaim. "We don't have a condom!"
Thank God! The relief I feel when I realize that we don't have protection is immense. Great save.
But to my horror, Elijah reaches in his now-tossed jeans and flashes a packet at me.
"Condom," he whispers, kissing me back down towards the grass.
He's getting really into it, and I feel his hand slip past my chest, stomach, and toward my skirt. He reaches and begins to stroke my vaginal opening through my panties.
"Oh," I whimper, because it does feel good.
But I have to stop him.
"Wait," I whisper.
I grab his hand and hold it as his fingers try to explore me more.
Elijah looks at me. He's not kissing me now. He knows something is wrong.
I just need to be honest.
"I don't want to have actual sex yet," I say. "I'm not ready."
I try to read his face.
He looks sort of confused--not angry and explosive like I thought he would be if I rejected him. So, that's good.
"Can I just blow you like we usually do instead?" I ask.
I'm hoping this will at least make him happy and get rid of the awkwardness that I just created in this moment.
Elijah is quiet for a while, but he leans forward and allows me to sit up again.
"You sure?" he asks me.
"Yeah," I say. "I'd really be happy just giving you a blowjob instead."
He looks very confused. And I don't blame him.
"Why can't I fuck you?" he asks suddenly.
Oh shit.
I bite my lip.
Then decide to be honest.
"Because..." I search for the right words. "I'm sort of seeing someone else."
There.
I put it out on the table.
I watch his face.
He looks a little shocked.
"You have a boyfriend?" He chuckles.
I sigh.
"Not really a boyfriend. I mean, he was my boyfriend from high school. But we took a break since going to college," I rush in explanation.
Elijah straight out laughs in my face.
"And we can't have sex because of that?"
He seems to think this is the most hilarious thing in the world and is doubled over in laughter.
"Yes," I say, my anger getting the best of me. "I'm okay with doing other stuff. But I'm not crossing over the threshold."
Elijah stands up and shakes out his pants. He puts them back on and places the condom in his pocket. I watch him from my spot on the grass.
"Wow," he says with a shake of his head. "And this whole time I just thought you loved sucking dick."
He seems kind of disappointed. I feel embarrassment rush through my body. Or more like shame at his mention of my sexual behavior.
"I didn't realize you were just trying to stay loyal to your imaginary boyfriend," he continues.
