Taking a deep breath, I stared at the mahogany door a while longer before knocking it. It had been...years. I waited for a minute or-so, contemplating whether I had even made the correct decision to come here after all. I argued with myself before deciding to knock again. This time, faintly, I heard a response
"Wait a minute!"
My heart jumped. It was him! It seemed to come from upstairs. So I waited, a sudden rush of urgency and nervousness I was convinced I would not allow him to see came over me. Then, finally, the door opened. I looked up. Bare feet followed by his trademark baggy jeans, then a very shirtless torso with that unmistakable scar across his stomach that disappeared under his jeans so seductively. The broad shaven chest followed, along with arms that were so much more muscular than I remembered. Then came those forget-me-not blue eyes. He was holding a towel to his wet hair, where he had been drying it, having obviously just gotten out the shower, before I froze him dead.
I smiled "Hey," I said simply. There stood the boy who had now become a man. He was my first love, my best friend when I was going through high school. For three years I idolised him, but he never felt the same. I understood that, would settle for drunken kisses when our group of friends would go out bowling, partying, watching movies. To him it had been a laugh, an immature fondle during the peaks of adolescence. He'd known I'd liked him but he took it for granted. At fifteen I turned my attitude around and stopped looking at him like he was some kind of God. I started looking elsewhere for the stolen compliments I would get from males as I became a young woman. Overnight I learned to stick my middle finger up at the world and say "fuck this". If he can't like me for who I am, then why should I bother? I just wanted to be loved, and he wasn't ready for that. It was time to move on.
Predictably enough, the moment I lost interest, he started to gain it. I didn't notice the additional phone calls, house calls, text messages, compliments and admiring glances that came from his direction at first. I was finally leading my own life without him being the centre of it. In the last year of school he asked me out, kissed me before I could respond. I kissed him back, then turned him down. It was too late. I had moved on. I agreed there was something between us, a kind of chemistry teenagers often get, but it wasn't enough. I had fallen for somebody else. My Karl.
I moved on, dated Karl. He did the same and dated my best girlfriend Trinity for a year. We all went to the same college, but when she broke up with him a year in, he left college and moved house with his mother. I knew the address but didn't visit. It was difficult with Karl being overwhelmingly jealous of him, having known me during my years of pathetic longing for him. Trinity also expected me to drop him in the same way she had. It was the classic "days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months, months turn to years" scenario. But I had never stopped caring for him.
Now here we were, both of us 21 years of age. Standing on the doorstep of his late mother's house, which he had inherited. All I wanted was either a hug or a snapshot of the look on his face.
"What's up? Were you expecting someone else?" I asked jokingly. A smile finally crossed Jonny's lips. Those cheek dimples suddenly revealed themselves to me once more. We both laughed as he swept me up into his strong arms into an embrace right there in the street.
"I can't believe you're here!" His voice was deeper than I remembered, his embrace warmer. I almost felt like crying!
"Put me down you twat!" I laughed, "You've got a lot of explaining to do! Do you have any idea what this is doing to my reputation, running after you after all these years?" He pulled away to look at me but didn't seem to be listening to what I was saying.
"My God, Samia, you have no idea!" He stood to the side and ushered me in. It felt so strange being alone with him again. I stepped inside and took off my jacket as he shut the door.
"What the hell are you doing here?" His voice went slightly higher with excitement
"Well you obviously weren't going to make the effort, Jonny." He led me into his dining room and gestured towards a dining chair as he sat in the one opposite. I sat down.
"I'm sorry. I just had to get away from it all. I didn't want you to have to choose between me and Trinity or me and Karl." It was like we'd never been apart. Nothing had been forgotten. We talked for a long time about him, his job, his mother's death. I was intrigued by what he had made of himself. After a while, though, he insisted I spoke of myself. I told him about my college grades, my work. Then, with a slight hesitation, he asked if I was with someone.
I looked down, fiddled with the table, and nodded. He looked away as I looked back at him. Right then, it occurred to me he had wanted a different answer. I hadn't come here to rekindle some old flame. I just wanted my best friend back, I wanted to see how he was doing.
"What about you?" I asked. He shook his head.
"I haven't had anyone serious since Trinity," he replied.
"Bloody hell, that was years ago! Why the hell not?!"
"I don't know. I just lost interest in women. And before you make a crack, that doesn't mean I've gained an interest in men!" I smiled. He could still read me like a book at times.
"She really hurt you, didn't she?" He didn't answer. Instead, he offered me a drink. I had nodded, having obviously brought up a subject he was not comfortable with in the form of his ex. When he came back he was holding a glass of water with ice, having remembered it was pretty much all I drank. He was still wearing just jeans. I found myself attempting to work out whether or not he was wearing boxers. Soon I became unable to look away from his torso as he walked towards me. His upper body remained almost hairless, apart from the trail of hair that ran from his bellybutton to underneath his trousers, presumably all the way to his groin before spreading out into pubic hair. I tried to look up to his face, but found myself pausing to try and quickly take in his pecs and biceps.
"Are you OK?" he suddenly asked as I thanked him and took the glass of water from him. Shit, he had noticed!
"Yeah." He sat back down and I took a sip of drink. "I still don't get it, Jonny," I announced.
"What?"
"Why would you just break contact with me like that? You didn't even answer your phone when I called."
"I know, I'm sorry. I suppose I just needed to break away for a while. I just never got back in touch."
"Why not?"
"I don't know, Sam. It wasn't because I didn't want to be your friend. Quite the opposite actually."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing." It went quiet for a moment. "Did Trinity ever tell you why we broke up?" He looked at me inquisitively. I looked back at him, taken back by the question.
"Yes. She said it was because she was fed-up of being in a long term relationship. She told you she needed space and you took off, heartbroken." He looked down and fingered a hole in his jeans. I waited for him to say something, but he made no effort to speak. "Why do you ask?" I quizzed.
"I was just wondering whether she told you the truth or not."
"Did she?" There was a long silence, then he suddenly looked straight at me.