Josh knew it had to be Amber because of the bulge beneath the sheet. "Oh God, it can't be. Tell me this isn't happening." He said as the doctor escorted him to the gurney and pulled the bloodstained sheet back revealing the face of the woman beneath it.
"Oh God! What am I gonna tell my wife?" Josh cried and then fainted after telling the doctor her name.
When Josh came to, he was in a chair and his wife was by his side. She knew the fate of her sister but had yet to see her. "I want to say goodbye. I have to see her." She cried to her husband who stood with her when the sheet was once again pulled back. "The baby? What about the baby?" She cried again as she hugged her sister's body. "Oh Amber, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." She sobbed as the doctors took her back to her room.
~~~~
Megan was released that afternoon with strict orders for her aftercare. "We are never going to have children of our own are we?" Megan asked her husband as he carried her into the house. "We have to let mom know about Amber," she added in a somber tone, grieving for her sister and her baby.
Josh held Megan as he unlocked the door then entered the living room. He walked to the stairs to take her to their bedroom, but she insisted she wanted to stay down stairs.
"Just put me on the sofa. I want to be down here when mom comes over," she said, trying to think of what she was going to say to her mother.
"Oh, my baby girl. Are you all right?" Megan's mom asked when she arrived at the house.
"I'm okay mom, but Amb - -" she began to say but broke down in a pool of tears on her mother's shoulder. "It's all my fault. If I 'd waited for the paramedics to come she'd still be here with us. If I would have been more careful and paid attention I would have seen- -" she trailed off hating herself for the death of her sister.
"Nothing is your fault, dear. You were concerned about your sister and did what came naturally. I would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes, Megan. Oh, it's gonna be all right dear, just let it out. That's it; just let it all out. I'm here for you, baby girl," her mother said as they cried together.
After hours of sobbing and blaming herself for the accident, Megan eventually fell asleep. Her mother slid over and covered her daughter with the throw that lay on the arm of the sofa then headed into the kitchen to speak with Josh.
"How are you holding up, Josh?"
"I'm doing okay now, I guess. I couldn't believe it when my boss came and told me there was a cop on the phone. An accident never even entered my mind as to the reason for their call." He said then reached for the pot of coffee and two mugs. He gave the first mug to Peggy and returned to the table with the second mug for himself. "The important thing is how are you holding up?"
"Oh, I'm getting by," Peggy replied, wiping more tears from her eyes. "I'm more concerned about Megan."
"When I got to the hospital Megan was alert, but she still had no idea about Amber and the baby. Oh, mom, I wished right then and there I could have taken her sister's spot. I'd give anything to have her and the baby here instead of me." He began to cry.
"There, there son. Megan needs you here with her. You will grieve together and then eventually move on." Peggy gave him a comforting hug, finding it easier to hold herself together if she concentrated on Josh and Megan.
"But the baby? This was our last chance of having a child. I'm not sure Megan is going to come out of all this wanting to adopt."
"You are probably going to think it's too soon or that I'm rushing things, but we have to begin arrangements for the burials. I will call the funeral home and start things, but they are gonna want to speak with you about a casket for the baby. Unless you want the baby buried with Amber."
"I don't think Meg would want to put Amber through that, do you? Oh, listen to me. I guess I can't get over the fact that she is dead. She wouldn't feel a thing, would she? But still, I can't hear Megan say she'd want the baby's body removed from Amber. I will talk with her when she's awake, okay?"
~~~~
"What on earth was she thinking?" Megan asked Josh when he told her about the conversation he had with her mother while she was asleep. "I would never want Amber to go through that, even if she supposedly can't feel anything. It was her baby as much as it was ours. The baby stays with her and I don't want to discuss it any further," Megan shouted in anger, but more in sadness as the memory of the accident rushed back to her. "If mom wants help with the arrangements we will help her, but they stay together. Do you hear me? I hope you agree with me on this."
The funeral arrangements were made and the service was held four days after the accident. Josh did his best to console Megan and her mother during the service but when they returned home he lost all control. He didn't know what to do or where to turn. He'd lost yet another child. As he thought back to the many miscarriages his wife had he didn't recall the pain, the emptiness, the loneliness, ever feeling like this before. Josh took the remainder of the week off from work to be with his family.
As time passed Josh returned to work and Megan was beginning to drift away. The Christmas holiday passed without a gift shared or a tree decorated. Peggy called her daughter to wish her a Merry Christmas but repeatedly got the answering machine. Josh and Megan were still grieving.
~~~~~
"It's been eleven months since the accident mom, but she still refuses to talk about her feelings with me." Josh phoned his mother-in-law to ask her advice about Megan. "I found a support group but she refuses to attend the meetings. She has buried herself in her work and we hardly ever talk anymore. I don't know how long I can deal with this. I understand she is hurting, but so am I," Josh whimpered, unable to contain his emotions any longer.
He let all his pent up emotions spill out at that moment, revealing private things about their sex life, or the lack of it. "Every time I try to get close to her she pulls away. It's like she blames me for what happened because I wasn't there to answer the phone when she called that morning. I just don't know where to go or what to do to help her anymore. I can't take the loneliness and honestly, I've been thinking of asking for a divorce, since she obviously doesn't want to be with me anymore."
"I understand and I will have a talk with her tomorrow. I'll pick her up for lunch and we'll have a heart to heart talk. We haven't done that in a while." Peggy knew exactly how he felt because she had done the same thing to her husband after she'd miscarried a child.
Megan was headed to work when her phone rang. "Hello."
"Hi Megan, it's mom. I'm coming over to have lunch with you today. Don't worry; I've cleared the afternoon with your boss. He agrees with me that you've been working way too hard. I'll pick you up at noon today," Before Megan could give a reply the line went silent.
"Damn her. Doesn't she see that I don't want to talk to anyone? Doesn't she realize that's why I've been ignoring her and everyone else all this time? No one understands me, what I'm doing and why I have to do it," she mumbled to herself angrily.
"Oh, this is a nice place," Peggy said as she and Megan followed the hostess to their table then continued. "They have good food and quick service so I won't keep you all day and when we are finished you can go home and spend some quality time with your husband," she told her daughter who still somewhat ignored her.
"Okay. That's it. I've tried to be understanding of your loss, but you aren't the only one who lost something that horrible day. I lost a daughter and a grandchild. Your husband lost a friend and his child too. So get off your pity boat and take care of your husband, or he is going to leave you." Her mother spoke sternly, yet lovingly. She knew it was time for her daughter to stop thinking of herself and make time for others who shared in her grief.
"Oh mom, I'm sorry. I guess I just didn't see anyone else's pain through my own. I know Josh has to be suffering with this as much as I am. I will go talk with him tonight when he gets home from work."
~~~~~
The drive home allowed Megan time to think of what she'd done to her husband and mother since the loss of her sister and unborn child. She thought of all the times they could have helped one another through this tragedy they all shared. "How could I have been so selfish?" she thought to herself as she neared her home.
When she turned the corner that led to their house she noticed Josh's car in the driveway. "Mom was right. He is here for me. He's always been here for me. I just hope I can make things right between us again. I don't want to lose him, too. I just couldn't bear losing the only man I've ever loved." She wept to herself as she pulled into the long drive.
As her car came to a stop she shifted into park, got out and without even closing the door behind her, ran into the house to find Josh. He lay so peaceful on the sofa that she hesitated to wake him, but she wanted to talk, really talk with him this afternoon. Not just talk to him like she had for the past year.
She set her purse on the dining room table and walked to the foyer to hang her coat in the closet. With the thud her coat made when it hit the floor Josh jumped up.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," Megan said as she gazed at her husband.
"So how was lunch with your mom?" he asked as he stood to help her with her coat.
"Lunch went fine." Megan slid her hand in his and smiled lovingly at him and they walked back to the sofa.
"I've been so hard on you, and I'm truly sorry, Josh. I guess I just never thought this was as hard on you as it was on me. Mom had a nice long talk with me and made me understand how my actions have pushed you away. I'm sorry. Can I make it up to you? Is there still a chance for a future for the two of us?" Megan's emotions, now sympathetic towards her husband, poured out of her.
"I love you more than anything Josh. It just took my mom to make me realize that today. I can't live without you in my life."
"I love you too, Meg, but it's been a long time, and I am still hurting. You've pushed me so far away I don't know if we can get back to where we were before all this happened." He bowed his head in his hands.
"Is it because of the accident? You think it's my fault that we lost the baby, don't you?" Megan began to take offense instantly.
