A Certain Kind Of Balance

A Certain Kind of Balance

Life is interesting because each one of us sees things with eyes that have a different perspective because of our point of view. This is what is wrong with our society because our perception of what is the truth is shaped by what we do, what we experience in life, those we associate with, and from those who are involved in our circle of life. Each one has a different point of view.

Unless you have developed a form of individuality you most likely have a lot of friends or acquaintances who claim they know you better than you know yourself. If you do then you may have a problem because it implies that you are a shallow person and have no depth. I was like that at one time, but I learned the hard way I had to change.

Don't feel bad that you've been trained to act, think, and behave a certain way ever since you started kindergarten school. Conformity to the group as a whole is a must. Sharing everything you have, becomes normal. Show any signs of individuality and it must be cut off in the bud and stunted before it's allowed to grow. Indoctrination was started even before you have learned to think. You are taught what to believe, how to believe and why you should believe it.

Show independence and soon your parents are contacted and dragged in for an after-hours discussion about your unacceptable behavior, your inability to keep attention to what's going on in front of you. It might only be the fact that your hyperactive, or that what's been taught is so juvenile in your mind that your board stiff. It strongly suggested that they get medical help. i.e., drugs to calm you down.

I know, I was one of those kids. For ten months of the year, I was kept doped up. From the moment school was out for summer to the first week back I was drug-free. You see the powers that ruled believed I needed the drugs to be socially normal. In grade six, someone finally got the idea to have my I Q tested before they put me back on the drugs. When my parents discovered how high it was, they sued the school board, their medical professionals, and the teachers for their incompetence.

That was also the last day I spent in school owned and ran by the state. My parents learned the hard way to no longer believe that drugs were the answer to everything or that those with superior education knew everything. I was sent to a private school where I excelled.

By the time most were graduating high school, I had graduated from university and was employed in computer sciences. The problem was I was not experienced with normal life. I was and could be considered a geek in every sense of the word.

It was my parent's brilliant idea that I go to a youth camp and work for a summer or two during the last two years of my education. I learned the hard way about relations with females, but it brought a needed balance to my life. I had to learn to relate to others outside of my family who were the same age.

As a result, I found myself working full time like all who didn't take further education after high school and learned quite quickly how to relate to both sexes in a normal way. My parents felt I had become a well-rounded person.

Most don't understand that who and what we are, is based on what environment our parents raised us in. Did we have sisters or brothers, where we exposed to different cultures or races, were we raised as Hindus, Christians or some other faith. What kind of society where we raised in, has to be asked?

All of us are allowed to look at facts, and reality differently. Because of our different experiences in life we are allowed to arrive at different points of view about the outcome at a situation we are looking at. It doesn't make one's truth any better than everybody else's.

Part of our learning is what we experience in life in relation to those we are surrounded by. Yet the underlining facts are common to us all. We tend to be continually influenced as adults by what our friends are into more than anything else.

The progressive can look at the drug addicts on the street and say we should provide clean needles to support them in their addiction while ignoring the fact that crimes are usually committed to keep the addict in their supply.

They will provide them with safe places to shoot up in and teach them how to do it safely. Progressive's feel, by keeping them high, it will lessen the burden they are on society in general, and they will gladly proclaim how many needles they have supplied to accomplish that. Yet they will do nothing to ensure that the product their shooting up is of good quality.

The conservative will say, that to solve the problem we have to get them off the street, into a program and get them rehabilitated and drug-free before releasing them back into society. They will point out quite effectively that encouraging drug use is not good for anybody.

That is true, but when did ever doing the right thing get a political party the people's vote? Both are right yet both are wrong. They both forget that you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink.

Both sides fail to see that you truly cannot help someone until they reach the point that they admit to themselves that they need help. Oh, they will take whatever they are offered and go on doing what they want because they don't give a damn about anything or anybody.

Both are speaking their truth, even drug addicts. But what is the truth? One dictionary defines truth as "the quality of state of being true.' That same dictionary defines true as "in accordance with fact or reality." The dictionary fails to add 'according to how we see it.'

What is not allowed in our society is your truth and my truth. We witness that in everyday society. Don't accept the truths of some could put your life and liberty in danger. The truth is in accord with facts and people talking about their own truth using emotions and feeling more often than not are completely different. As a result, what is presented to society in general by the mass media is not presenting or promoting the facts. It's doing nothing but promoting their version of their reality.

To them, their truth or reality may have nothing to do with the real truth, or the real facts. It's just a mass of brilliant bullshit designed to promote their feelings. Perhaps they're promoting their own truth with a built-in bias.

What's really sad, is that most of our society are suckers enough to believe them. They are the shallow ones that are nothing but the blind sheep being led in whatever direction the mass media leads them. They have been taught from childhood to accept what anybody says as being truthful. They are no more individual than the drones in the Star Wars movies.

It's with this truth that we are preached too by their interpretation of the facts that may or may not have anything to do with what is true. May God have mercy on your soul if you refuse to believe them, because their followers won't.

No wonder as a society we are screwed up, because there is no truth, and nothing is true. Each one of us individually has to decide what our truth is whether right or wrong. After all the news, Facebook, and Twitter don't misrepresent the facts, do they? The answer to that depends on who you ask.

It's with this interpretation of reality that I write this story. I hope you got your thinking cap on otherwise you will be lost because the truth and what is true will confuse your mind.

******

Three years ago

I was on a business trip heading back on to the interstate, having stopped to refill my gas tank. As I pulled onto the on-ramp, I saw two females hitchhiking with nice-looking luggage. I stopped to offer them a ride. I knew there had to be a reason why they were hitching so overdressed that you knew they were hiding something or were scared stiff.

The way they were dressed; I knew automatically they were trying to disguise what they looked like. It gave me the impression that this was the last thing they had ever planned on doing. After throwing their baggage into the trunk we climbed into the car.

I was headed to Penn State because I had been invited to give a speech based on how I had changed my life. By turning the lemons, I had created because of life into lemonade. It was still a five-hour drive, so I had a lot of time to spend in conversation if the two ladies were inclined. I got the impression, that they were trying to get to where they were going because their money had run low. Like all young people, I assumed they had been lacking in self-control and had overspent.

"How far are you going," I asked as they climbed into the car.

"We're headed to Pittsburgh," One of the two ladies said.

'Cool," I said, "because I have to pass through it on my way to Penn State."

"Why are you headed there," The other girl asked?

"I've been invited to be a guest speaker," I replied, "but I'm not expecting a good response when I get there."

"Why," the curious one asked?

"Simply, I'm going to discussing accountability to a group who is being taught to accept none," I said.

"Why would you say that, "the first one asked?

"Because Penn State has the rep of being one of the top twenty liberal Universities in the country. Most teachers there are liberal and will preach their gospel that most of the problems we face as a society are always someone else's fault."

It was at the moment the curious one removed the hoodie off of her head and removed what she was using to disguise her looks. I was stunned at just how beautiful she looked in my rearview mirror. What surprised me even more, was that she had caught my eye, because I had stopped looking a long time ago. For the first time in a long time, my heart fluttered with the anticipation of a possible love interest.

"My name's Carmen do you mind if I join you on the front passenger seat before we take off," The curious one said.

"Be my guest,' I replied.

As soon as the switch was made, we were off.

"So, what's your name?" Carmen asked as she continued to remove layers of clothing.

"My name does not matter, never has" I replied. "If it does by the end of the drive you will be able to find out what it is on their campus."

"So, what will your discourse be about," Carmen asked?

"Self-discipline and learning to be able to say no to yourself," I said with a laugh.

"To do that you have to be able to hold yourself accountable," Carmen said with a smile.

"You caught on to it," I said.

"No, more like I walked into it," Carmen said with a chuckle. "But it's not always as simple as that."

"Thus, you get to the meat of my discourse," I said. "So, what's your major and what year are you in?"

"I didn't say that we were in university," Carmen said.

"True, but your logic did," I said with a smile.

"Working on my thesis on Psychological behavior, So I'm heading into my last year," Carmen said.

"Interesting, because you will be working with people who are trying to deal with the problems," I said. "I am trying to show them how to prevent in the first place."

Carmen laughed, and said, "God your good I walked into it again. Are you always this sharp and thoughtful?"

"No," I said. "Wish I had of been. It's something I had to learn the hard way."

"I see you're not married," Carmen said, "there is no ring and no giveaway signs that you removed one."

"Came close once," I said. "and that scared me straight, not going to allow that to happen again."

"Who was he," Carmen replied?

I laughed and said, "Nice come back I guess I walked into that. I'll have to watch my phrasing a bit closer while were chatting. He was a she just a bit older than you are."

"What happened? May I ask," she said."

"I lost the girl and my best friend on the same night," I said. "Let's leave it at that."

It turns out I was right, the girls had overspent and money was tight. It had been confounded by them being robbed. By the time that I dropped them off at their doors, I had found out that they were sisters just over a year apart.

*******

The auditorium was filled when I got introduced by the host. Sitting in the front row where Carmen and her sister Corinth. I thought I must have gotten their curiosity up during our long conversation.

The Host introduced me as Mr. Nobody. I could see the questioning eyes coming from the crowd.

"They call me Mr. Nobody," I said. "If you saw me on the street dressed in blue jeans you all would walk right by me without giving me a single thought. That's how unimportant I am. If anyone disagrees please stand up."

I looked over the crowd to see if there would be one that would stand up. I was hoping one would stand up. Carmen and her sister did. Their conduct forced me to change my approach.

"I said two out of all in attendance," I said. "Unfortunately, these two ladies are disqualified because we met yesterday and started developing a friendship. In our budding relationship, these two ladies and in our banter with each other found ourselves walking into it. We both said something in such a way that it could be taken in a completely different way."

There were a few chuckles in the crowd as I went on. "Congratulations ladies you got me."

Everybody got a chuckle out of that and started to relax. That is what I had wanted to happen because it made them more willing to listen.

"Now we can begin the journey," I said as I began telling them the story that had brought me here.

In the two hour discourse, they learned about me growing up in a dysfunctional family life where both parents were more concerned about chasing the opposite sex than their actual marriage. The only wrong for either one of them was if someone outside the family caught them.

I took them through the time where my father found out that three out of his six children were not biologically his. Bringing out the problems it caused along with how it had divided the family further apart.

They learned about my falling in love with a woman who I discovered two days before our wedding was just like my mother. I had walked into my best friend's place to discover my soon to be wife and him doing the horizontal dance.

I couldn't help but notice that both Carmen and Corinth had tears in their eyes. It was eye-opening for most to learn that in looking for someone to become our partner in life that we tend to look for the qualities that we know so well.

"There I was, at the point when my life had hit rock bottom," I added. "I had just lost my girlfriend, my best friend, and most of those who we all associated with. I was employed in a job that I hated, and my brothers and sisters were scattered across the country.

"I was at the lowest part of my life, "I said. "In a lot of emotional pain caused by the truth of others, who felt so little about what they did, that I was considering ending my life. At that time, I thought it was the answer to everything."

It always amazed me at how quiet the auditorium becomes when I reach this point. Suicide is something that is not talked about by the general society. It's treated like it's a dirty secret meant to be kept behind closed doors.

"I was holding the gun to my head and was beginning to do my count down from ten to pull the trigger," I said. "When my sub-conscience spoke up, it asked me why are you giving them what they want."

I heard a few gasps. I wasn't surprised. No one considers that in committing suicide you're doing just that.

"It was then that I realized that my suicide would be freeing them from the quilt that they felt. They would be able to justify what they did by claiming I couldn't handle real life. It freed them from having any accountability for their conduct."

"Out of sight, out of mind," I added. "With me dead, they would be free from being reminded what their conduct had done to me."

I could tell by the complete look of shock on a lot of the faces in the crowd the point I was making was hitting home. The host and I watched as one person stood up in the crowd and started clapping. It took less than a minute for the rest to follow suit.

To most, the understanding that committing suicide was a way of giving others an easy way out tended to make it less plausible because in part they had driven you to it. The moment you were in the ground their guilt and sorrow disappeared.

"Suicide may have been the answer, but not in my circumstance," I said. "The reason did not justify it. I wasn't dying from an incurable disease, nor was I unable to cope with physical body pain caused by health problems and the loss of quality of life long gone. It was my emotions that had made my thoughts so dangerous."

"When you realize that you're continuing to get on with life, will cause them more pain and hurt because of their quilt, you begin to heal," I said. "It is at that moment your life begins to change, because you have. Little did I realize that at the moment that the thought just registered in my mind, would take my life in a whole new direction. Within weeks others were saying I had changed."

"Those who put me in that situation are still paying the price," I said. "They did not get married; they didn't have any lasting relationships and over time their lives have gone downhill. I learned; I too was at fault. After all, I had allowed myself to be trapped into it because I could have walked away if I had listened to my inner thoughts."

"Michael Jackson said in a song, if you want to change the world take a look in the mirror and change yourself," I said. "That is the only truth that should matter to each one of us because the only world you can change is the one you create for yourself!"

It always amazed me to see the look on people's faces when I bring out that point. Most never see that where they are in life, what they are doing and who they're doing it with was their choice. When faced with multiple problems they fail to see that what they have created can be undone.

"There are going to be times throughout your life when the problems you face or are dealing with will take you to the place where I was once," I said. "Doctors have told me that most humans will consider it because. they have complicated their lives with so much that it overwhelms with-- too much burden."

"The best advice I can give you is to just stop. Think and find a way to uncomplicate it. Simplify your life by putting what's not important in your life behind you as quickly as possible." I added, "The more you do, the farther from that edge you get. You will find that the changes that come will amaze you. I know it did me. I can honestly say that I am not the same person I was back then. I learned to follow Michael Jackson's advice, I changed everything in my life and in doing so it changed my world."

"In doing so you will learn a lesson that will carry you the rest of life," I said. "To be true to yourself first in all you do. It's up to each one of us individually to decide what kind of world we want to be surrounded with. Learn to disassociate yourself from those things that will pull you down into a spiral you might not get out of."

The crowd stood up and gave me a long-standing ovation.

The host took the mike and said, "It's hard for anyone to come and give a discourse on something that most of us feel that we would never consider. Yet our guest speaker explained how we get to that point better than anyone. Each one of us can take on too much and not realize what it is doing to us psychologically. He learned the hard way to slow down and take the time to enjoy life. The best advice I can give you is you have to find your balance and stick to it."

When we walked off the stage Carmen and her sister Corinth were waiting for me.

"Is your name Mr. Nobody," Corinth asked?

"Believe me," I said, "It's my public name. In everyday life, I'm Adin Hahn."

"Good because now that we have got new debit cards, we are taking you out for something to eat," Carmen said. "For saying us from God knows what."