Miss J. Bennett walked into the class wearing yoga pants and a plain black t-shirt. West felt his heart skip a beat. She'd probably been busy with a physical theater exercise with the juniors. She gave him a warm smile and closed the door. It was Friday afternoon. He'd arranged to get some help from her with his monologue.
"You know you're the only one coming to me today," she said. She shook her head. "Is everyone that confident for the exam?"
West smiled. "No, ma'am. It's just that no one wants to stay after class on a Friday."
She sighed and put her hands on her hips. She gazed out of the window for a moment, mulling something over. West gazed at her. She came in as the new drama teacher three years ago. She was British and, back then, everyone gushed about her accent. She was beautiful too. She was a slight woman with short hair and a sharp jaw. Her eyes were a dull brown and her lips were small but they made her smile subtle and charming.
She looked back at him and he quickly looked away.
"I suppose since it's only us today, we can go for as long as you need," she said.
"I've got time."
She took a seat behind her desk. "Okay so what brings you to my castle?" She made a grand gesture at the classroom.
West smiled and pulled up a chair close to her. "My lady, I seek your counsel."
A crooked smile grew on her lips but she seemed happy to play along. "Tell me your troubles, my lord."
Senior drama students' final exam consisted of two parts: a written exam and a two-part performance in front of an external examiner. Every drama student needed to perform a scene with one of their classmates and a solo piece, a monologue.
"My monologue is the root of my troubles," he said. He became serious. "It's a good piece. Very good. I'm just struggling to get the emotion down."
Miss Bennett dropped the act and leaned forward. "I see. Do you have it with you?"
West opened his bag and pulled out a copy of the piece. It was a scene from a legal drama. A lawyer loses a murder case and comes home to find his wife serving him divorce papers.
Miss Bennett's nose crinkled as she read the scene. She put it down on her desk and her brows shot up. "Wow."
"Should I change it or--"
"No!" she said, raising her hands. "It's perfect. You're more than capable of pulling it off."
"I don't know," he said, looking away. "I feel like this might be a stretch. If you've watched the scene, you'll see how intense it is. I can't go there."
She considered his words. "Do you know your lines yet?"
"Yeah but if I can't--"
"Okay. Perform the scene for me."
"Right now?"
"Yes. We need to see where we can improve and what we can change. I want you to perform the scene as if I'm the external examiner. Then what we can do is pull up the scene from YouTube and compare yours and theirs."
It sounded like a good idea. He'd tried to assess his own performance but he thought he was too timid where the lawyer was bleeding emotion. He wrestled with the idea of performing in front of Miss Bennett when he wasn't completely confident. He hated the idea of disappointing her but, at the same time, he knew that only she could help him get better.
"Okay," he said, releasing a heavy breath.
"Don't be nervous. It's just me and you," she said, flashing him an encouraging smile.
That was exactly why he was nervous.
He put his bag down and walked to the front of the class. Miss Bennett sat on a desk in front of him with her legs crossed. She folded her arms and narrowed her eyes, ready to analyze his every move. He loosened his uniform tie and gave his arms a shake.
He backed away from the dinner table, his hand peeling back his hair. Those were divorce papers. After the day he'd had, this is what she does.
"You know, you would not believe what happened today. I did everything I could, I used every dirty trick I knew, I memorized every single document we were using and when the gavel fell down, she walked. That woman, that murderer, walked. The looks on that boy's family. If only you knew."
He turned to face his wife but instead he saw Miss Bennett. Something stirred in him.
"I've been working this case for months." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I know I haven't been there for you and I'm not using this case as an excuse. I know I haven't been the man you deserve but Hayley, I..."
He couldn't say the rest of his lines to Miss Bennett yet she was engaged with his performance. The way she stared at him made his heart ache. He winced when her face fell.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Nothing," he said, shaking his head. "I think I'm just nervous."
"Am I making you nervous?" she asked.
"No. I feel like telling her I love her, ugh, it takes me out of the moment."
She wasn't convinced. "Is everything okay?"
For a second, he panicked. She couldn't have known. There was no way. He took a moment to breathe. How could he tell her about his feelings? Could he? Should he? He couldn't just blurt everything out. He sighed and bowed his head. He could tell her a story. Maybe she'd open up.
"Ma'am, have you ever been in love?" he asked.
She seemed taken aback by the question and narrowed her eyes slightly. "Why do you ask?"
"There was this girl I met back when I was in middle school. We were in the same class and we became friends, somehow. I thought she was really cool and, eventually, I found myself slipping and falling."
He took a seat on the desk next to Miss Bennett. She listened intently.
"We were best friends. She knew everything about me and I knew everything about her. I really wanted to make a move and tell her how I felt and, like an idiot, I did. I told her that I'd had a crush on her for years. It felt right because we were so close."
West looked up and sighed. The memory still stung.
"It turns out, she wasn't interested in me like that but she still wanted to be friends. Like an idiot, I said, 'Yeah, of course.' Things didn't feel the same afterwards. Then she went to some private school far away and I came here. I watched her on social media. She made new friends and dated a few guys. I tried to reach out but she was distant. It felt like she'd lost interest in me when I was still interested in her. Not even in a romantic way. I just wanted to know how she was doing but she stopped answering my messages. I still think about her, from time to time. Maybe it was just a crush but it felt like more than that, once. Yeah."
Miss Bennett was quiet. West thought he made a mistake. What did he expect her to say? What the hell was he thinking? He felt bold for a fleeting moment but if he followed through she'd definitely push back. She was his teacher. He fixed his tie and sighed. He needed to leave the class and whatever he felt for her.
"I shouldn't have said that."
"It's okay, West."
"I think I'll just go home and keep practicing."
He stood up to fetch his bag but Miss Bennett grabbed his arm. Her grip was firm. She noticed it too and pulled her hand back.
"You don't have to feel embarrassed," she said. "I was also in love once."
West sat down on the desk again. She seemed conflicted about speaking about her heartbreak. He waited patiently. He'd take anything she told him with both hands and keep it safe. She almost never talked about herself in class.
"I met a man at the Starbucks I was working at and he seemed like one of the good ones. I gave him my number and we chatted for a bit. He asked me on a date and I said yes. He was smart and funny and he worked for his family business which was doing really well. Not that I was in it for his money. I did think he was sweet. A few months went by and we went on more dates. Then he proposed."
"You're kidding."
She laughed. "I kid you not, kid. It felt so sudden, you know? But at the same time, it felt right. I don't know. All I knew was I loved the guy and he loved me. We got married a month later."
West couldn't believe it. He knew Miss Bennett was thirty years old. She told the class after they nagged her long enough. She never wore a ring so he guessed she was single. She was married?
"It was a big wedding. He even flew my parents from the UK. Anyway, that happened. Things started moving really quickly again. I moved into his place since I was borderline homeless at the time and he told me he wanted to start a family. I...hadn't thought a lot about kids but he was very adamant."
He chuckled but he felt a twinge of jealousy and anger. It sounded like the guy enjoyed strong-arming her to get his way. Why did everything happen in a hurry?
"And it turns out, I'm infertile. I couldn't have kids even if I wanted to. I didn't think it was a big deal but he got super upset. He made me feel like it was my fault and everything came crashing down after that. Lawyers, divorce, getting kicked out and cut off, all of that. You'd honestly think he hated me from the beginning. I really felt something for him and he just spat in my face."
Damn, he thought. If he felt awkward after talking about a girl who dropped him, how much much worse did she feel speaking about her messy divorce. To her student, on top of that. She looked down and fiddled with her hands. West knew he couldn't exactly touch her and tell her everything would be okay but he had to give her comfort.
"That is brutal, ma'am. I'm sorry you went through all of that," he said. He resisted the temptation to reach out. "And I promise I won't say a word about this."
She closed her eyes for a moment and breathed out. "I appreciate that, West. I also probably shouldn't have told you that."
They shared a chuckle.
"I know it's not a competition but I do feel more embarrassed, talking about some girl I liked when you went through a lot worse than that."
"We all go through different things in our lives. My worst experience can't 'beat' yours." She shrugged. "Someone else could laugh at both of us for having such small problems when they have nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep. We need to remember to have empathy, always."
He nodded and smiled. Miss Bennett had a habit of turning little conversations into lessons of some kind. Some students rolled their eyes but West grew to appreciate it. Like many other things about her.
"You seem like a hopeless romantic," she said thoughtfully. "Not quite like the rest of the boys."
"Like you?"
Her eyes widened and she struggled to hold her smile down. "Okay! Back to the monologue."
Right. The thing he came here for.
"You said we could watch a video of the scene and compare my attempt," he said.
"Oh yes. Let me just--"
She cut herself off with a short yelp. She meant to swing her legs across the desk to get off but she leaned too far back. The desk teetered over. Because she was sitting with her legs crossed, she'd hit the floor with her back. West bolted up and grabbed her flailing arms. He pulled her much harder than he needed to. The desk rocked forward and she fell into him. He stumbled back a few steps before he found his balance.
The room was silent.
