"Terry, it's okay. You can come out now, we've kissed and made up now." Amy crooned through the door as though trying to sooth a spooked animal.
"Open the door, Stud and we'll show you." Bernie giggled, "It's
totally
hot."
"
Uurgh...
wait. Just give me a minute, will you?" Terry groaned, wrapping a towel around his waist and trying to cover the worrisome perma-boner extending out in front of him like iron rail.
"You know, Amy." Bernie whispered conspiratorially. "Two big bad-ass bitches like us could probably tear that door right off its hinges, no sweat."
"I heard that!"
"Calm down, Tiger. No one is going to do anything of the sort." Amy reassured him. "Bernie, you're not helping matters."
"I was just saying..." The not-so-small-anymore blonde huffed.
Terry resigned himself to the fact that there was little he could do about the third leg he was apparently growing and sat down on the edge of the tub to try and think through his options. Could he risk going to a doctor? It would be expensive but if he found a male doctor, preferably a very
old
male doctor,
maybe
he would be alright?
Who was he kidding, the moment he unveiled the dragon he would be rushed to a hospital and all hell would break loose.
Because... what could he say? "Sorry, I can't go to the emergency room because the nurses will tear each other apart for the chance to blow me."
What a joke. A terribly unfunny cosmic joke and Terry was the punch-line.
"We can work this out, we just need to retrace our steps." Amy was saying from outside the bathroom, going into full researcher mode. "I came home early yesterday because I couldn't stop thinking about our
amazing
sex that morning and was experiencing a powerful need to see you. That was certainly
odd
but neither of us was...
growing
before we left the house."
Huh. Terry looked up and gave the locked door a thoughtful stare. She wasn't wrong...
"It started at work." He said pensively, "I was in the storeroom doing inventory."
"I found him like that when I went out back to bring him his coffee." Bernie added, trying to be helpful. "I walked in and Terry had his pants down and that giant pussy-pounder in his hands."
"It was a little more complicated than that." Terry protested, feeling frustrated at Bernie's blasΓ© version of events.
"Then let's simplify the problem." Amy said reasonably. "Terry, you and Bernice head back to the store to look around for anything unusual. It's nearly opening time anyway and you'll both be late for work if you don't hurry."
Terry stood and cracked the door a fraction to peer out at his future bride-to-be. She stood back from the door to give him some breathing room and had pulled Bernie away with her. She was still naked, her dark chestnut curls flowing like river rapids of warm chocolate across the top slopes of her bountiful breasts. She was big and beautiful and
perfect
. Built sleek, strong and undeniably feminine like some mythical huntress from legend.
Specifically, one who would have to duck a little to fit through doors and dodge low hanging light fixtures.
"What are you going to do while we are gone?" He asked, giving a grinning Bernie the side-eye. The Brobdingnagian blonde was naked as a jay-bird too, and kept throwing him saucy winks and making lewd gestures from behind Amy's back.
"I am going to do some research." Amy said and glanced back towards the kitchen. Her nostrils flared and a small smirk drew itself across her face. "Now hurry upstairs and get dressed. See if you can't find something in my wardrobe to fit Bernice. No time for hanky-panky, you two."
"Awww... Not even a good morning blowie?" Bernie pouted playfully as Terry finally exited the bathroom. "There's
always
time for a quick pump and dump."
"I don't know why she's started speaking like that." Terry said, stepping up to Amy and giving her a soft kiss on the cheek. He had to stand up on tip-toes to reach her face, it felt a little surreal. "Thanks, Doll. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"She doesn't shock me and I expect a thick tasty reward from you later, Tiger." She said, looking down at him with a big predatory grin. "I want you home by lunchtime. I'll have worked up a real appetite by then. Now off with you."
Then she gave Terry a crisp slap on his butt that made him yelp and sent him scurrying up the stairs with Bernie laughing in hot pursuit.
That was going to leave a mark. These damn women didn't know their own strength.
________________
High Psychophant Qwaizoo drifted alongside the Grand Scrutineer as he contemplated the complex display of biometric readings.
"What do you make of it, sir?" He inquired politely, trying to ignore the embarrassing way his superiors' pseudopod curled and twitched.
The rest of the bridge crew were resolutely pretending not to notice so Qwaizoo would be damned to the freezing vacuum of the void before he said anything about it.
"Intriguing... Most intriguing, High Psychophant. These findings are as unexpected as they are stimulating." Grand Scrutineer Dhuussod burbled, his excitement plainly evident as his mucus membranes visibly moistened.
Stimulating, huh? Qwaizoo could see just how stimulated the expedition leader was becoming and it was getting so awkward that not a single eye-stalk on the bridge would look their way. All except one painfully familiar pair.
Flunky third class Bhamme was watching keenly as the Grand Scrutineer brought up twin projections of the two female Hootnams, the transparent blue representations of their repugnant bony forms were riddled throughout with thick clusters of vibrant red spots.
"Is that the compound X244-1d, sir?" The hapless Flunky asked from his station.
"Stay on task, Flunky Third Class." Qwaizoo ordered. This was humiliating enough without the ship's resident idiot getting involved. "I want to see those eye-stalks locked on the environmental controls..."
"No, no..." Dhuussod interjected with a magnanimous rippling of his gills. "That is an astute observation, Flunky Bhamme. Can you speculate on how the compound has come to be present within the terrestrial females bodies?"
"Is it from all the peg- I mean... the copulatory act?"
"Very good, Flunky Bhamme!" The Grand Scrutineer strobed pleased flashes of gray across his cerebral bell. "The females are ingesting the genetic extract produced by the cellular colony currently propagating within the Hootnam test subjects' reproductive tissues."
"Oh, that's amazing." Bhamme exclaimed, the bumbling fool looked pleased with himself.
"Yes, indeed. Very interesting." Enthused Dhuussod. "Come let us observe the recordings again. This is such a unique and stimulating case study..."
May the Prime Smack forgive him but Qwaizoo was giving serious consideration to ejecting both suspected Craterisal degenerates out of an airlock. Consequences be damned...
________________
"You