Worst. Hookup. Ever.
Disclaimer:
1. This story is completely true. Nothing about this story is fiction in any way, shape or form.
2. I hate chocolate. Trust me, this is pertinent for this story.
3. This is my first story on here, so constructive feedback is always welcomed.
Just recently I met up with a friend of mine, "Coco" for lack of a better nickname, who was really interested in "Learning the Art of Love" so to speak. In other words, she is extremely inexperienced when it comes to sex. Of course, of all people, she chooses me to help her with this endeavor.
I picked her up from a local convenience store where she had just bought some beer. She was in there with another friend, "RockSolid," whom she was hanging out with at the time, thus I gave him a ride home.
After departing from RockSolid's place, I told Coco that I had to go to the grocery store, and since she was bitching and moaning about being hungry, I suggested that we grab some food from there.
-------I would now like to take this time to say that Coco and I have tried to have sexual conquests in the past, all to my dismay, absolute failure. One of the things Coco said was, "Maybe I am not wet enough." Thus came the idea: Lube.
When arriving at the grocery store I got the usual bullshit that I need to survive plus two very important things in order to keep the night "interesting:" Chocolate syrup and lubricant.
After checking out I went straight for my place. I unpacked some of the groceries and then proceeded to rest on the couch. That's when Coco decided to make her move. She immediately jumped on me, straddling me, and began to "make out" with me, if you could call it that. A more accurate description of this "kissing" technique would be devouring my mouth like a starving pigmy devours a Chipotle burrito. She continued this for a while, and for some strange and sick reason, I felt my erection growing.
"Coco," I said through tongue slaps and restlessness. "Let's get some beer." She smiled at me, and no lie, it's the type of "Awwww, how cute," smile that is just so cute that it makes you choke on your vomit purposely just to be polite.
I immediately grabbed some beers and opened them, giving her one and taking one for myself. I proceeded to drink mine, expecting some sort of pleasant conversation to arise out of this, perhaps some sober making out in a more tame way, but it was not until this very moment in which I realized that Coco must have been more of a man than me or she was trying to prove her womanhood in the most masculine way: She had already chugged her beer by the time I was a third finished with mine.
She then proceeded her animalistic make out routine again, somehow getting my chin involved in that mammoth sized mouth of hers. This carried on for another five minutes until I finished my beer (trust me, with Coco straddling you, you'll find it hard to finish a breath).
"Coco," I asked her, trying to be sly. "Why don't we just chill out in our underwear for this round? Make things a little sexy?"
I could see her glossy eyes stare back at me as if she was on the verge of passing out. "Ummmm..... one more beer." I reluctantly grab beers for us and, of course, in my mind I am thinking to myself "..... get her drunk, she won't feel the pain when you try to fuck her again, its all going to be good...." and the result of that thought process was less than pleasing.
Once again, Coco chugged that beer like her life depended on it. I followed suite because, well, who doesn't want to see a bitch in her underwear? Coco then stood up and proceeded to take my shirt of, running her hands up and down my chest, gently moaning to herself as she examined my body. I slowly took her shirt of and slide my hand across her breasts, paying special attention to her nipples, poorly hidden by the fabric of her bra.
I continue to pull her skirt down, and much to my surprise, her underwear matched her bra. If there is anything in the world that involves clothing on a woman that turns me on the most, it is matching underwear. My cock grew harder and harder as the kinky side of my mind remembered what her sexual interests were, so I went to the freezer, grabbed an ice cube, and put it in my mouth.
I walked back to Coco who was now sprawled out on my couch. I straddled her and passionately kissed her chest, keeping the ice cube in my mouth. I could tell that she liked this due to the large amount of moaning coming from her. Her arms reached around my head and pressed my face into her breasts, almost suffocating me. She kept on pulling my head down and I struggled, my face turning read in the process. I finally managed to break free, and so did the ice cube. The ice cube flew from my mouth, off of Coco's tit, and onto the floor.
"Oh... shit..... we lost the ice cube...." Coco said in her less than attractive glamour (more like a drunken glamour). She looked up at me, and in her ruthless puppy dog face and cheap underwear, she asked, "Can I have another beer?"
"Are you drunk?" I asked, slightly worried for some odd reason.
"No, I'm not drunk.... I feel fine..."
Her smile was less than convincing and I continued to bring us beers. This time I made sure that she wouldn't feel a damn thing through intercourse, so I challenged her.
"I bet I can drink my beer faster than you." I said.
She looked at me, then began to chug, and so did I. And sure enough, I beat her to the bottom. She started burping, apologizing for it with whatever English coherence she had, and then began to make out with me some more. And, please allow me to say, I was not going to stand for this wooly mammoth mouth to devour my face ever again, thus I became the aggressor.
I pushed her down on the couch and proceed to kiss her the same way she did to me, moans escaping our lips and our breathing becoming even more labored than before. Our hands caressed each others partially clothed bodies, and her hand immediately gripped my ass. She squeezed it (just the way I like it, mind you) and I moaned deeply into her wanting mouth. Her hands eventually made way to my now rock hard cock, and she began to jerk it slowly.
One poor thing about Coco is that she cannot feel any friction in her hands whatsoever (and I learned this the hard way: via massage by Coco). As she began jerking my cock I moaned, and eventually that moaned turned into a scream, and that scream turned into a bite, and that bite turned into a massive hickie on her chest.
"Mmmmm.... Ohhh...... mmmmm....... OWWWWWWW!!!!!!!" she cried.
"What?" I replied. "You said you wanted it."
