As my bitch of a wife finished her testimony; sobbing into her handkerchief; her lawyer walked by and smirked, slightly shaking his head in a 'you're fucked, my man, you're fucked' kind of way.
The judge spoke, "Mr. Johnson, do you have any questions?"
As my lawyer rose, I grabbed his arm. He sat back down and I whispered what I wanted. It became a heated, whispered argument between us.
"Mr. Johnson, if you have no questions, I will let the witness step down."
My lawyer looked at the judge, looked back at me. I shook my head in an exaggerated 'yes', saying, "It's what I want."
He rose, saying, "If it pleases the court, at this time my client wishes to concede that the testimony of the witness is true; with the stipulation however; that he be allowed to take the stand at this time, in order to, ah, shall we say, clarify and expand that testimony. He also feels that this will save the court's time, as that when he is finished, there will be no need for the plaintiff to call further witnesses, and your honor will be able to hand down her verdict at that time."
"The court's time is the court's business, Mr. Johnson." Turning to my wife's lawyer, "Mr. Gerald?"
"This is highly irregular, your honor. I will wish to confer with my client."
"Granted. Mrs. Stevenson, you may step down and confer with your attorney."
I watched her as she made her way off the stand. Thoughts of what I would do if I ever got her alone again, drifted across my mind. I felt my penis stir, 'down boy,' I thought, we may be center stage soon.
"Your honor, after conferring with my client, we agree to the defendant's proposal, however, we reserve the right to cross examination at the end of his testimony."
"Agreed."
"Mr. Stevenson, you may take the stand."
As I made my way across to the stand, I glanced at Donna. I read hate, loathing and revenge in her eyes. I sighed.
I settled myself. The judge told me to proceed. I began.
"The only reason that we are here today is because she is pissed that I turned her fantasies into realities."
"Your honor, I object, from Gerald, the witness is not qualified to give testimony on my client's psychological state of mind and his language is obscene and abusive!"
"Your honor, I have lived with his client for twenty-eight years, dated and was engaged to her for another three years. I believe that gives me qualification. As to my language, I apologize, and will attempt no further insults on my wife's lawyer's sensitive ears."