Troilus Meets Troilus

Note: If you haven't already worked it out my name is not really Troilus. In this story, I come across a guy who has the same name as me. His name isn't Troilus either but he does have the same name as me.

When it happened early October 2009

Written December 2009.

Usual story I'm out, I meet a girl, she's cute. Shortish dark hair, cute smile and dimples (I love dimples) Her name is Alicia. She can hold a decent conversation and laughed at all my jokes, so I ask why is she was single? She told me she had been living with a guy for about 2 years, found out he was cheating on her for about 3-4 months, so she moved out. We have a few more drinks, we swap numbers. Next day I text "wanna catch up for an after work drink"

I get a yes but she is already meeting some friends out, so I say "great the more the merrier" I have a great talent at getting my targets friends to like me, which usually gets me into bed with my target. She arrives with her friends a married couple who are harmless. I say hello, crack some jokes, take an interest in what they are talking about. Decide to leave them alone to chat and head to the bar. Guess who I run into? The Cougar (read Troilus the Cougar and the petrol pump) and her other cougar friends. They are all over me like a rash. There's touching and there's laughing. Occasionally I look over my shoulder to keep an eye on Alicia. She notices the cougars circling, so she comes over puts her arms around me and grabs my arse a few times. The cougars see this – they are not happy. Fuck'em.

Alicia's friends leave and we decide to get some takeaway Chinese food and head back to my place. I start getting hate texts from the cougar "I don't like your taste in women" "She'd better be fantastic in bed" etc, etc.

Walking to the Chinese restaurant I decide to try my usual move of shock and awe. Mid conversation I push Alicia hard against a wall and start kissing. She kisses me back, after we finish she says "My god I wasn't expecting that" Just the reaction I was looking for. We get back to my place eat the Chinese, Alicia starts falling asleep on my couch, I convince her to stay, she does, not much happens. I get her top and bra off but she won't let me take off her underwear. I must be losing my touch. Next morning we get up, I go to work, she leaves and I promise to call.

2 days later I get a text, "I'm bored let's do something" So I suggest we go for a drive up the coast. In the end we are gone for about 6 hours, we had a romantic walk along the beach (I know, I know, don't say it) had a nice lunch, had a great day. On the way home we get talking about how she is house minding for a friend. I ask a few more questions, his name is the same as mine.

"Isn't that the same name as your ex"?

"That's who I'm house minding for"

Holly shit he cheated on her and not only is she still talking to him, but Alicia is now living back in her old house and keeping an eye on his stuff while he is interstate and he has the same name as me. If a chick did that to me, I would burn most of her stuff, before I spoke to her much less start house minding for the cheating bitch.

So she tells me she is cooking dinner for me tonight, I'm not sure where we are going, her normal house, my house or her ex's house.

We end up at his house, it's a nice house, a really nice house. He has pay TV, I drink his beer, eat his food, watch his TV. Alicia can't cook, she cooked pasta in the oven. I've never had pasta cooked in the oven before and I never will again.

"It's getting late I'm going to bed, can I drive you home in the morning"

Are the Kennedy's gun shy?

So we crawl into bed start kissing and we start having a fiddle. I take off her clothes, this time there's no last minute resistance. We go down on each other. Then I slide into her, we start fucking slow at first, then I build up some steam. I'm on top, missionary position but up on my hands. Then I hear a strange vibration and notice a flicker of light. Alicia has turned her phone onto silent and its slowly vibrating across the bed side table, as it vibrates the screen starts flashing blue, all it says on the screen is a big capital T.

"Um.... I think Troilus is calling"

"Ignore it and keep fucking me"

Then the penny drops, this is no usual fuck, this is a revenge fuck. Oh my god I feel like such a piece of meat, she's using me.........then............I get over it and keep fucking her.

She starts moaning, fuck me harder...oh Troilus, oh Troilus. At least she won't get our names confused. I did wonder though, when she was yelling out my name which one of use she was thinking of? After all I was fucking her on a bed owned by another Troilus in a house she shared with him for a few years.

After the fucking has finished, we do the normal post coital chat, I ask her "did you just fuck me to get revenge on Troilus"

"We'll I really wanted to have sex with you and I thought it would be fun to do it here"

I'm still not sure if she would have had sex with me tonight if -

She wasn't house minding her ex's house and we didn't have the same name.

We go to sleep and wake up the next morning to her alarm screaming, she hits snooze and rolls into my arms. Now that I'm awake I discover I really need a piss. I find the toilet and by the time I get back, I see her on her phone, its Troilus. She puts her finger up to her mouth motioning me to keep quiet while she is on the phone. Fuck this shit, I jump on the bed and spread her legs. She gives me a quizzical look like "WTF are you doing?" While she is still on the phone, I start going down on her. I can see she is confused, she's not sure whether to make me stop, push me away or get off the phone.

She gets off phone, mumbling something about having to go to work, she hangs up just as her back starts to arch. We start again. After she tells me that Troilus is coming back earlier than expected, he was due back in about 5 days, now he is coming back tomorrow.

We get up and she drops me at home, she goes to work. That night she sleeps at my house. I ask her not to change the sheets at his house. I think it would be hilarious if he comes home and goes to bed on sheets that we had sex on. She says she will think about. Later on the next afternoon, she tells me that during her lunch break she went over to his house and put his sheets in the washing machine just as he was walking through the door. He asked what she was doing, she replied that she was just being nice. Too this day she still hasn't told him the truth.