Try Not To Cum While Playing This

A little something fun. Written with love for all of the people who also blinked when they first saw "Try not to cum while playing this game" ads on porn aggregators.

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It was time for the bedtime ritual. After Netflix and before her skincare routine, they lay down together in their underwear. Pornhub's picks of the day was the perfect way to wind down: they got to critique gonzo cinematography, they learned about kinks to leverage in their sexting, and they occasionally cum in each other's company.

Their millennial fingertips were skilled at tapping on the precise second that the "skip ad" button became available. As it happens, the responsive screen failed always during the weirdest ads. The ad in turn was for a porn game, featuring the biggest boobs ever drawn on a cartoon, awkwardly riding a cardboard cock. "Try not to cum while playing this game," the automated voice dared just before an explosion of jizz rendered the frame white. They both nodded.

"I wonder who the target demographic is for these ads, man."

"I don't know, maybe I'm the target demographic. I've always wanted to click through to see what happens."

He looked at her incredulously, half-laughing. He never shamed her for her porn preferences. BBCs, heteroflexibility, bound gangbangs. It was all fair. But this silly game thing was kind of pushing it.

"You're gonna have all of the world's malware on your phone if you click on that shit, and I bet you it's going to be the most boring version of Candy Crush."

"I think you're just afraid that you would not be able to hold back from cumming," she said with a daring smile. Maybe the ads would be more successful if they featured her voice instead.

He laughed out loud, dropping the phone on the bed.

"You're ridiculous. I'm not going to cum by playing the Tetris of Pornhub. But sure, go ahead, ruin your phone, go crazy."

She leaned on her elbow, her breasts pressed hard against her bra and brushing lightly against his side. Her hair flowed onto her shoulders and onto him and onto the mattress next to him.

"How do you even know that? Are you speaking from your own experience?"

His face was turning red on this spiral of the absurd. What was she even thinking? Why was she so fixated on this bullshit game? Why couldn't they just watch porn in peace?

"I'm going to use your phone to try it. You're better at fixing it anyway if it really does get infected."

She leaned over to grab his phone. He grasped it away from her before she reached it. Her body fell on his while they both laughed, infinitely amused by the situation. He moved his spare hand to try and pin her arm down, mostly managing to grope-tickle her, which immediately put her on edge. She held his chin and neck in immediate self defense, and both froze in that position, looking at each other.

"I'll tell you what. If you make me come first, you can use my phone to download your stupid game. But if I make you come first, we'll use your phone to record you sucking my dick."

She gave him a long look, her arm in his, his chest on hers. Her leg lifted against his gently, caressing the outside of his thigh with her knee. There was no way he was going to win that challenge, so it was a safe agreement to make.

"I'm in."

Now that the stakes were high, they made out like animals. He moved on top of her and dragged her bra straps down her arms, kissing her and her neck while her back arched under him. He knew he had to heighten all her senses. She immediately focused on her plan -- if she could get him in her expert mouth, she would make him come in a matter of seconds. She slid her hands under his boxers, where the hardening process was already underway.

She spat in her hand and started jerking him off immediately, pushing his underwear off. Her bold move took him aback -- she had never done that on her own -- and his body reacted immediately. Well, darn it. Maybe she was always going to win. He responded by slowing his own pace. His hands unclasped her bra and caressed her skin slow and gently, covering her flesh in sweet and ticklish kisses.

Love is an act of imitation. After her frenzied start, her strokes slowed down with his pace, becoming more intentional. He sighed in her ear as his precum oozed into her hand, and his pleasure intoxicated her. She wanted all of it and all of him. When his hands went to her hips to remove her underwear, she didn't pose resistance. There was no way she was going to come first.

With his hands under her ass, he flipped her naked body on top of his, both resuming a playfully wet kiss. His hands ran down to the fold between her legs, circling and gently fingering her to prepare her entrance for him. She made a costly mistake: she let go of his cock because of the awkward angle, and gave herself a couple of minutes to enjoy his fingers in her.

After all this time, though, he had a clear map in his mind. He bit her lip gently as his fingers twisted inside her, prodding the sensitive spots that would build her orgasm. She giggled when she realized what he was doing, her legs completely spread as she straddled him. Maybe she needed to get back to work. She moved her hands to the bed to prop herself up, but his arm went around her back, holding her down against his body. As minutes passed, his fingers were soaked. She moan-grunted, frustrated and impossibly aroused, squirming against his hand.

He eventually gave in, flipping once again in bed, his arm around her and his fingers inside her while her body was beneath his. He looked in her eyes when his soaked hand held onto her thigh, spreading her to press his hard cock against her entrance. It was time for the boss fight of porn games.

He started fucking her at his pace, slow and meticulous, going for the angles that would maximize her pleasure and make her lose the challenge. She wrapped her arms around his neck, half-giving up and half-hopeful. If his plan went as intended, the pressure inside her might be the end for him.

They held eye contact throughout, both determined to beat the other in this game. In his mind, he started counting his strokes to distract himself from the delicious feeling of her tense insides stretching around him, giving in to his cock. She tried to breathe through her building pleasure, contracting her insides without focusing on the tingles it sent all over her body. They both knew their time was limited.

"Try not to cum while playing this game, my love. I can feel your orgasm coming."

She punched his back (not too hard, just hard enough), her legs completely spread under him. Her body was sensitive to every single point of stimulation: the pressure of his movement against her pelvic bones. The smell of his hair. The drip of his sweat onto her glistening body. The creaky wiggle of the mattress under her. The cluster of sensations forced her body to focus on him.

"Try not to fucking cum while playing this game, I dare you."

Her hands moved to his hair, holding onto him and pulling him. She knew she had reached the point of no return.

"Try not to cum while playing this game."

It took one last stroke for her to lose the game. She let out a loud grunt, coming hard around him, definitely enjoying the defeat. He collapsed on top of her, basking in her orgasm, his fingers spreading her flesh up to the last second of climax.

They laughed and laughed about what had just happened. She couldn't believe she had just lost the challenge. But he gave her his phone and a hot kiss before he rolled over to sleep. It was only fair: she was going to sleep with a full load of his sperm inside her.