Lookee here now; I've got a little story for ya.
It seems there was this troll, and he had himself a bangin' setup. He was a straight-pimpin' Mack Daddy with sharp clothes, gold chains, and a fine patch of riverside property. And you know how he got all of that? By having the finest ass you ever heard about! (Not HIS, stupid!) You see, player knew how to find real talent, and he had papers on this sexy beast that would do just about anything for anyone for a price. If anyone wanted to come across that ass, they better damn sure be ready to cough up some serious loot for the privilege. And if they didn't, you can be sure that they got their ass twisted! Some fellows tried to lure that sweet ass away, and when he found out about it, those poor punks got something that was nowhere CLOSE to sweet!
It became quite a problem. Everyone knew that he had the finest ass in the land. Unfortunately, this was the troll's property. NO one was allowed to get close, and he had her locked up real tight so he wouldn't have to counter certain offers. To make matters worse, beyond his territory were some of the finer night spots, so even if you didn't want to come across that ass, you still had to give that bad-ass troll something! Because of this, that troll was able to control a whole lot of the riverside action for a good long time.
And then, one fine spring, the Gruffs moved downtown.
It just so happened that on the other side of the river, a family of three Billy goats had moved into a cozy spot on the East Side. The place was a bit ramshackle, but there was plenty of room for an outdoor garden, which worked out fine since gardening, was their specialty (Everyone knows how goats LOVE the smell of fresh grass in the morning!). So by selling their goods, they managed to do quite well for themselves. Then, one day, they noticed that their latest crop was looking a little peaked.
"Brothers," bleated the Biggest Goat-brother, "The greens aren't looking as fresh as usual."
"Here, let me take a look," said the second Biggest Goat-brother. "Whoa! You're right. They don't look good, and they smell even worse! What are we going to sell now?"
"Don't sweat, brothers," piped up the Littlest Goat-brother. "Listen; I heard about some land on the other side of the river that doesn't belong to anyone. The soil's rich, and the grass is REAL green over there! Or so I've heard. Even so, a little of that from over there just might help our crops over here!"
"That's a great idea!" boomed the Biggest Goat-brother. "Let's go right now so we can take care of this, and then, get back to business!"
And so, the three Billy Goat brothers set out across the river. Finding the land was no trouble at all, and they soon found more than enough dirt and grass to help their "business". But they soon realized that they couldn't take the load home all at once. (Not to mention the Biggest Goat-brother was taking a few puffs for the road) So the Littlest Goat-brother decided to head out first, and the two older brothers would catch up to him later.
As he came to the spot where the troll kept his ass, he became anxious to get home and began to move at a trot, his little hooves making little "trip trip trip" noises as he went. Just as he was about to go past, suddenly, the troll emerged, pissed and annoyed.
"YO! Who the hell's that, tripping on my ass?!" he roared.
"It is I, the Littlest Billy goat Gruff. I'm just trying to make my way home."
"Boy, don't you know that this is MY territory? Now I've got to come over there and mess you up!"
"Please sir! Please! There's not much to me, or that which I carry, and I want nothing to do with your ass, sir!" It was true; even with his best efforts at heart, the Littlest Billy-goat brother's sacks only came to the Troll's knees.
"Doesn't matter. You come this way, you've got to pay!"
"Please, sir!" the goat begged again. "My brother's right behind me, and he should be coming your way soon. If you let me go, he'll meet your price and give you just what you deserve."
"Is that right? Well, look here, shorty, this here's your lucky day; I'll just take some of this right here and you and I are gonna be here waiting for him. But if your boy don't come through, I'm gonna come down on the both of you! " So saying, the troll scooped a handful of the goat's fresh grass and rolled himself a spliff. Amazingly, the Littlest Goat-brother didn't seem too worried. Pretty soon, the older brother began to make his way towards the troll's territory.
"Ooooh, I knew I shouldn't have had that extra bite of lunch!" moaned the Bigger Goat-brother. With his belly full, and two loads of dirt and grass on his back, his steps were heavier than that of his younger brother. As he approached the troll's fine ass, he saw his brother and in spite of his belly pangs, sped up to meet him. The Littlest Goat-brother tried to warn him off, but his hooves made a "tap tap" tapping sound that immediately alerted the troll. With his buzz interrupted, he stepped to him, this time, pissed and growling.
"YO! Who the hell's that, tapping on my ass?!"