"This ain't gonna fly," whined Simon.
"What?" Ted adjusted his tie, stepping into the elevator.
"Us, arriving at the same time," answered Alvin, sidling past Ted off the waiting car.
Ted scrunched up his face in the puzzling frown, until it hit him like a shot in the gut.
"Oh, the chipmunks." He grinned at the thought.
"Oh, the chipmunks," mimicked Simon. "I'll wait for the next elevator."
"Dude, don't be crass." replied Ted. "How is anybody going to put that together?"
Simon punched the already lit button on the wall with his knuckle, hoping another elevator door would open. Alvin stepped further away from Ted as if the doors would close and diffuse the joke before it could build any further.
"Think about it, Ted." said Simon. "It's Christmas; we're already late for a this stupid party, which means that just about everybody else is here, juiced to the gills and in the spirit. All it takes is one person to put it together and then were riding the wave of humiliation all night and probably till next summer." He paused to straighten his cuffs on his overly starched shirt. "It's bad enough we're dateless."
A ding on the opposite wall caused all three to turn. The pair of doors opened and Simon rushed across the floor, hopping into the empty car, and tapping on the panel.
"See you, Suckas." he laughed as the doors closed, leaving his two friends behind.
"Ass clown," muttered Alvin as he joined Ted in the waiting car.
"You're paranoid, you need a drink." Ted shrugged as he let the door close, whisking them up to the 31st floor.
It was the inaugural Christmas party for the employees of Prodigy Publishing. Alvin, Simon, and Theodore aka Ted were just three of the few hundred that were gathered in this forced soiree in lieu of their holiday bonuses. It was easier to get out of jury duty than it was to escape the wrath of publishing magnate Richard Bigg. He kept an unnatural tab on what his little minions were up to. There were five magazines and two cable stations lodged inside the reflective glass monstrosity of Bigg Tower and with the exception of the annual summer picnic, they were all to gather at the same time at the top.
All three friends worked on the same floor in the marketing division and stuck to each other like glue, referring to each other at work by their last names as not to arouse any office jesters with quick wit. Simon was the tallest and most vocal of the three. His shaven dome could be seen gliding over the cubicles cells, making it impossible to blend in and his baritone chops didn't fare any better. Once an top-ranked college player destined for the NBA, he blew out his knee in the Final-Four and never picked up another ball. He graduated and snatched the first thing smoking out of So-Cal, an entry level position at Prodigy.
Alvin landed here a short time later, discharged from the service with no real direction. He ran into Ted at a high school reunion and persuaded to give office work a try even though he'd rather be outdoor. Ted was the consumate worker drone. He was usually the first to come and the last to go, but when he was free, he was the wildest of the three. He drank more, partied harder, and was the most miserable when he couldn't stick his dick in a warm wet hole.
"I hope that sweet Indian chick is here," quipped Ted.
"The one from IT?" asked Alvin as he checked his appearance in the mirrored door for the umpteenth time.
"Naw, not Priya." He coughed in his hand to check his breath. "I had that already. That hot one from Graphics, with the big natty tits."
"Anya? You don't have a chance in hell. I think she buys shares in Birkenstock."
"Aw, fuck that." Pausing to pop in an Altoid, Ted looked at Alvin. "I'm more lesbian than Ellen ."
"Well, it Christmas. Ask Santa, though you haven't been that good a boy this year."
The door opened with a ding and the two stepped right into winter armageddon. The entire floor was covered with fake snow that clung to pants legs and dressed with each step. In the middle of the room was a giant mountain, steps circling from the base to the top, where a giant throne sat next to a electrified tree that spewed red, green, and white, sparks.
Strobe lights replaced the wall scones, blinding the room in a amalgam of multi-colored hues. The large plasma screens that usually showed the usual looped catalog of Bigg programming was replaced by a technicolor version of "It's a Wonderful Life" One couldn't hear the movie because of the booming music from the elf dressed DJ, spinning techno mixes of holiday carols. Alvin and Ted stood at the entrance for what seemed like a few minutes, fighting the vertigo the overtook them until a deep voice shook them loose.
"This is what our bonuses went for? This is some bullshit"
Simon loomed over them, trying to kick the fake snow off his pants.
"Smile" said a petite woman draped in a gaudy elf costume with a Nikon strapped around her neck. Before the trio could object, she let loose with a flurry of digital snaps. It was Amy, one of the fashion photographer from the 15th floor. She looked at the lcd screen before screaming in laughter. "Alvin, Simon, and Theodore, that's classic" She took one more before turning back the way she came to ambush other unsuspecting groups.
"Okay, let's split up before this gets out of hand." said Simon quickly heading to the the left where a massive line was formed for the bathroom.
"I don't think it's that bad." said Ted to noone in particular as he searched the crowd. His eyes got that hungry look and he licked his lips in anticipation for the taboo rendezvous.
Alvin shook his head and headed for the bar at the opposite end of the floor. After getting a couple shot of Patron in his belly, he snatched up a flute of Cristal and began to move amongst his coworkers. Everyone seemed to be having a decent time, filling up on the catered food and unlimited alcohol but the eyes of an insider look told a different tale. Groups consisted of faces that were familiar with each other. The IT people huddled around the base of the snowcapped mountain, still wearing the same clothes they wore to work. Each magazine secured their own corner of the massive room, turning their backs on the rest of the crowd. Alvin looked anybody from marketing and found most of them on the balcony, smoking up a storm and flicking butts into the wind. He searched his pockets for his own pack and quietly joined them.
The line moved rather quickly for the mens room and in no time Simon was pushing aside a stall to relieve himself of the earlier energy drinks.
"Wrong room, sweetheart."
"Whoa, Xmas comes early tonite."
"God bless us, everyone."
