The Greatest Stories Never Written

The idea for these story descriptions came from my consultant, Qetesh, who recently had to leave Literotica for the best of reasons: getting married. I and others helped, but this is a tribute to Qetesh -- and a wedding present. Thanks to Alix for editing and to Alix and HCWaller for contributing.

Anal, Toys

When she grabbed his ass and lined up her strap-on, he felt the painful invasion of the booty snatcher.

Audio

Listen to me scream as my boyfriend goes in the wrong hole and him squeal as I punch him in the balls.

BDSM

The mistress had to curb her apprentice dominatrix's enthusiasm because she didn't want her to cane before she was able.

Er war sich nicht sicher, ob seine neue Herrin ihn wirklich liebte, bis sie ihm die Worte ins Ohr flüsterte, nach denen er sich sehnte: "Du deppata, zipfegsichtega heape, du o'gschnudlda!"

HCWaller

The dominatrix couldn't believe her luck when guy next door showed her his huge potential as well as a soundproof basement.

Alix

Celebrities and fan fiction

To revive her career, she botoxed her pussy before she hired hackers to steal her sex video.

Chain stories, Anal, Gay Male

The Arabian prince's carpet goes out of control and dumps him in an outdoor Iowa whorehouse specializing in cornholing.

Crossdressers

If you enter the limbo contest wearing a thong under your miniskirt, your secret may come out.

Erotic Couplings

She thought the carpenter had a screw loose, until he demonstrated his joinery skills.

Erotic Horror

When the succubus disguised as a prostitute told him she could suck a pigskin inside out, the fat man thought she was referring to a football.

Erotische Verbindungen

In Margarethe blitzte der Frage auf, warum Heinrich ihre Vereinigung für einen Moment löste, um hervorzupressen: "Du schickst mich zum Teufel, Gretchen, aber hör jetzt nicht auf."

HCWaller

Exhibitionist & Voyeur

As spotlights came on while they rutted on the pitch, he found out his little minx thought dogging was the cat's meow.

Fantasy, Masturbation

The giant princess's years of solitary exploration showed her the way to imprison her enemy and secure her kingdom's freedom.

Alix

Fantasy, NonConsent, Transgender

When he lifted the captured lady's skirt, the rogue captain realized he had won more than merely pirate booty.

Alix

Fetish

Being in a pickle made her relish his brine as much as his brawn.

They didn't know how much they had in common until they bumped heads while trying to kiss each other's shoes.

First Time, Mature

The bride demanded the right to hire the stripper for his bachelor party, and the groom was shocked when he saw the pole was a walker and the French maid was her grandmother.

Gay Male

Managing upwards takes on new meanings when Jeff works late with his stud boss.

Alix

Group Sex

She could still hear him saying she would never break the chain, but how was he to know that she had filled both holes with lube before the party?

How To

How to write a completely original sex scene.

How to write bestiality stories by making the animals anthropomorphic.

How To, Loving Wives

How to write sequels to "February Sucks" and "Just Once...If You Don't Mind" in the same story.

Humor, Fetish

He chortled at her flat chest until she saw his penis and broke into hysterical laughter.

Humor, Fetisch, Liebe zw. versch. Rassen

Als seine Eltern ihn Jesus nannten, wussten sie nicht, wie groß er werden würde und wie laut seine Freundinnen seinen Namen riefen, als sie ihn zum ersten Mal nackt sahen.

HCWaller

Illustrated

Use this chart of bra sizes and matching breasts and you will never make a mistake in your story descriptions again.

Incest

She made sure he knew who a boy's best friend is.

Brother? Son? Sister? Daughter? She couldn't decide which one she wanted most, so she worked out a way to get at least two of the four in the next nine months.

Interracial Love, Fantasy

The gypsy's spell worked, but as his junk grew larger, his skin grew darker, until...

Lesbian Sex

She had almost given up on finding a lover who didn't obsess about penis size.

Lesbian sex, Fetish

Her latex dress was so tight that by the time I got inside it, I forgot what I was looking for.

Letters

They met in a chatroom, but he stayed detached until she began sending attachments.

Loving Wives

She was no longer satisfied with two shoves, a dither and a funny feeling.

She was a slut and he was a virgin before they married, so when she said she was ready to start a family, he told her, "Honey, we have to talk."

He was more false than a friend in the bi/les chatroom.

She was less likely to cheat on her husband than a Frenchman living near a brothel was to move.

Mature

When he showed her the fake test results and told her his cardiologist warned him to be careful or his wife would be a rich widow, she suddenly got interested in sex again.

Mind Control

Although his wife vowed revenge for his cheating, he didn't notice any changes except some mornings when he woke up with a strange taste in his mouth and saw mysterious tire tracks and oil spots on their driveway.

Non-Erotic

They had no idea that teenage hackers had messed with the dating site, so each of them thought the other was the sadist.

NonHuman

He thought she said she was from Dublin and hummed an Irish ballad as he undressed, but when he saw her four breasts and two sets of genitals, he realized she was from the planet Doublen.

Nonconsent

His girlfriend told him she was weary of his vacillating about spicing up their sex life, so she was going to make up his mind for him, but why did she send him to the hardware store for ropes?

Novels, Gay Male

Call me tush male.

Reif

Ihre Reife war kein Problem fur die dicke Greise, aber Reifen machte ihre Bezieungen schwierig.

HCWaller

Als ihre Freundin fragte, ob sie noch Sex habe oder "ihr Mann schon mit dem Golfen angefangen hat", war es ihr peinlich, ihr zu sagen, wie viele Löcher er letzte Nacht im Bett gespielt hatte.

HCWaller

Reviews and Essays

Polyamory is more than just having sex with everything that moves.

Romance

She was a willowy RAAC aficionado, and he was a macho BTB fanatic, so no one ever imagined...

Sci-Fi, First Time, Loving Wives, Celebrities, Lesbian Sex, Interracial Sex, Mature, Gay Sex, Nonhuman, Transgender & Crossdressers, Fetish

When she found out on her wedding night that her husband was a shape-shifter, she was happy that she had remained a virgin, because now she could have sex with anyone she desired.

Toys, Loving Wives, Gay Male

Until she picked out the largest O-ring for him at the sex shop, the cuckold didn't realize how big his wife's new bull was.