A collection of arcane and under-appreciated words for the edification, education, and entertainment of the reader. Definitions are included, along with clarification. Also, the word is used in a sentence, where appropriate, to indicate its proper usage in everyday language.
NOTE: An asterisk (*) following a definition indicates that the word and definition are factual and may be found in any good 40 pound dictionary. A less formal approach is taken with other words, and notes are included by the editor (Ed.) for clarification. Also, strict alphabetization is avoided to minimize the possibility of apseudoinhedescense
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ACROTELEUTISM: Disinterest in anything that cannot be eaten, fucked, or urinated on. A defining characteristic of male canines. A condition commonly seen among men in eastern Arkansas.
ACRE-BREATH: A type of halitosis in which the breath smells like soil freshly treated with natural fertilizer. Common among pea farmers of eastern Arkansas.
ACLINOMETER: An instrument used for measurement of the angle of a penile erection. Readings on the aclinometer scale range from 1 to 10. One is referred to as a "wet noodle," five a "woody," and ten a "blue-veined diamond cutter."
ACULOFORM: Shaped like an anus. A common design used in elegant Mexican silver and turquoise jewelry. From the Spanish "Culo"-A chocolate starfish in the boxeadors.
ACRITOCROMANISM: The characteristic callous found on the thumb of chronic masturbators. "Onan's thumb" (qv). The callous is usually of a red-purple color and shaped like a profile of Liberace smoking a cigar.
ACROTIMATION: The traditional Hawaiian cure for hemorrhoids. An unlubricated pineapple is slowly inserted into the rectum then briskly withdrawn. From the Polynesian "Acrohuahua"-Bunch of grapes in the ass, and "Timahuahua"-Bad owwie under the sarong.
ADAMATISM: Nudity for religious reasons *. Ritual practiced by a now extinct subculture of Eskimos.
ADDORSE: In heraldry, turned back to back*. E.g. "A flaming sword, scales of justice, lion rampant, and hippos addorse."
ADELPHOGAMY: Sharing of a wife between two or more brothers*. Common practice in areas of Scotland where sheep are scarce.
ADENOTOMY: Removal or excision of a gland*. The definition has had unfortunate consequences when autistic surgeons thought the word was "glans."
ADIPOSINATION: Method for removal of fatty tissue in the obese. A concentrated solution of potassium hydroxide (lye) is injected into the fat deposit, then the subject jumps up and down vigorously. Theoretically, saponification and mobilization of the lipoidal tissue occurs, and it goes away. Only extremely hardy and/or desperate subjects return for repeat procedures.
ADDAX: One who affectionately handles feces. A turd fondler.
ADOCRACY: An organization with little or no structure*. The Author's Hangout.
ADECIDUATE: To drink one's own urine. A tasty, refreshing, and cost effective alternative to sugar-laden carbonated beverages. ADEEM: To cancel a bequest by destruction of the object*. E.g. "Gol dangit, Son, you're my only heir, but I jist cain't stand the thought of you fuckin' my favorite sheep. Goodbye, Ewegenia." Bang!
ADHARMA: The feeling that the world has just fallen out of one's bottom.
ADIAPNEUSTIA: defective perspiration*. E.g. "No, we're not downwind from a hog farm, Leo. It's my adiapneustia. You see,I have defective sweat, and it just naturally smells like pig shit. Here's my phone number; I hope we can see each other again." How the hell did such a stupid word ever get into the language? Of what possible use is it?(I think the word is useless and dumb, and I intend to boycott it permanently. I strongly suggest that readers do the same. Ed.).
Adiathermancy: The trimming of nose hairs by burning them with a lit match. Not generally considered a sign of superior intellect. Except in eastern Arkansas, of course.
ADNOMINATION: Punning*. An abomination in all languages and cultures. A capital offense in more advanced society.
ADJUTAGES: Nozzles*. E.g. "Hot damn, Elmer! Lookie at the adjutages on Lena Sue. Shore like to put ma face atween them babies an' go 'bubabubabuba.'"
ADMINICLE: An athletic supporter designed for a person with three buttocks. See "Abomism."
ADONISE: To adorn oneself*. Refers especially to exaggeration of secondary sexual characteristics by use of codpieces, padded bras, kielbasa-stuffed speedos, etc.
ADOSCULATION: Impregnation by contact alone or by wind*. E.g. "Honest, Daddy, it was adosculation. I musta got it offen some damn toilet seat."
ADJUTOR: One who condemns or criticises someone who thinks he/she is better than others. E.g. "Huh. That damn Oola. Jist 'cause she got hersef a opposable thumb, she thanks she's some kinda hot shit. Wal, I'll tellya, Ooma, that ain't goin' nowheres, evolution-wise.
ADNASCENT: A navel commonly characterized as an "outie." From the Latin "Adna"-Belly button, and "Scentio"-Something you can hang your coat on.
ADOXOGRAPHY: 1. Good writing on a trivial subject*. Something occasionally encountered at Lit.com. 2. The graphing of an adox.
ADSCITITIOUS: Never mind the definition. The word is included here because the editor likes the sound. Try saying it out loud. It sort of tickles the mouth. Ed.
ADROGATION: Legal adoption of an immature ewe. Commonly done by single men in parts of Scotland. A tradition developed to avoid bloodshed over an exceptionally comely sheep when she reaches maturity.
ADUMBRATE: In Arkansas, a supportive device for the privy seat which prevents a skinny child from sliding through into the pit.
ADVOWSON: The practice of elderly men sleeping in back pews during church services. E.g. "Shit, Evelyn, it wouldn't seem like a complete church service without Uncle Pewsey asnorin' back there. Warn't thet a hoot when little Lester stole his dentures durin' the sermon?"
AEGROTAT: Medical certificate of illness excusing a student from class*. In Arkansas, a 23 year old seventh grader is often granted an aegrotat while recovering from a vasectomy.
AEOLIAN: The type of high-pitched musical passing of wind which is extremely annoying to cats.
ADVESPAERATE: To be noisily flatulent during an evening religious service.
