The Comma

"Hi Mr Comma."

"Hello, anybody there?"

"Please Mr Comma, come out to play."

"No."

"Please Mr Comma, or should that be Ms Comma?"

"Just Comma will do. And the answer is still no."

"Meany."

"Yes, why don't you use Full Stop or Quotation Marks? You are always using them."

"Well, this is a job that only you can do for me."

"Oh yes."

"Yes, I promise you are perfect for what I want, and beside you are my favourite."

"Horse shit. So far you have written eighty one words, used Full Stop ten times and Quotation Marks twenty two times. Me, I have been used a measly seven times. Probably should have been used more but you forget all about me. Sometimes you go back and insert me later, you know just an after thought."

"Sorry."

"Yes, well sorry wont work this time."

"I am sorry Comma, I really would like to use you more, honestly. If only I had paid attention in English Language classes, then I would have known when to use you and when not too."

"See, you did it again, went back and inserted me in that last sentence."

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. Please Comma I do need you for something quite urgent."

"Urgent, I cannot be that urgent because your iPad is charging, your MacBook is not switched on and your iPhone is useless for writing on."

"Please, if you come with me I will show you."

"Bloody hell, are you going to write an actual letter, the real thing on paper and everything. Best do it in pencil because you'll be rubbing most of it out and re-writing it."

"Ha-ha, I believe my sides have split with laughing. No cheeky, I am not writing a letter, or even a note to the Milkman."

"A note! Since when did you use me when writing him a note?"

"I don't, and for your information the he is a she."

"I bet you use Full Stop though."

"Not that I remember."

(Usually just a flirty note about how many I need today, with inference on her fingers.)

"Ok, now I am little intrigued."

"Good, then follow me upstairs."

"Upstairs? You never write upstairs."

"Who said anything about writing."

There is a little pause here whilst I wait for Comma to find his way upstairs. He struggles with the stairs you know. Perhaps I should have carried him.

"Wow."

"What's the wow for?"

"I've never been in your bedroom before. I love the picture of the red sunset."

"Why thank you kind sir."

"Here, what are you doing with me, get off me."

"Stop being a baby, I am only picking you up and placing you on the bed."

"Bed, why the bed?"

"Because."

"Because what?"

"As I said earlier, if you had been listening instead of whining about the other punctuations, I have a job only you can do for me."

"Why are you taking off your leggings?"

"I need to so you can do the little task I have for you."

"Hmmm, so why is there a wet spot on your knickers?"

"Shut up and wait there until I am ready."

"Do you know that you have no hair between your legs?"

"Yes. What I want to know is how you know I have hair there normally."

"Well, you often write those silly stories, you know those ones that you start writing then never finish. They have references to girly bits and running your fingers through the hair down below."

"Cheeky, you should not be reading my stories, they are private."

"Well I get bored waiting to be used. In fact, sometimes I fall asleep in the knowledge that you will use me later when you've finished your naughty, filthy and unfinished offering."

"I suppose you're right, but that doesn't mean I want to hear it, especially from a punctuation mark. Right Comma, whilst you have been whinging I am now ready. So why don't you come over here."

"You what? No way all I can see is two milky white thighs spread and some darker fleshy bits in the middle."

"And?"

"I am not going near them; you might crush me."

"Stop being silly. Come on I really, really do need you."

"What for may I ask?"

"Look I have cut my fingers on the bread knife so they are wrapped in plasters and bandages."

"And?"

"Well I was reading this story..."

"Oh yes, I bet it was one those smutty ones wasn't it, was it spanking or lesbian sex?"

"It was about a naughty married woman who was enticed into having an affair with her boss. She didn't realise though that her boss was into spanking."

"And I bet her boss was a woman?"

"Yes, of course she was. All the best bosses are women. Look are you going to help me or what?"

"I suppose so."

"Thank you Comma, I wont forget this I promise."

"Can we get on or you will have run out words."

"Now why don't you just slide between my thighs and pop yourself inside."

"Inside, you want me to go inside that dark, sticky wet hole?"

"Yes, and please hurry up."

"Oh yes, and can you go in thinner side first please. I only have a small vagina and it's a little tight until I've been stretched by you. We can get all of you in later, you know, right when I need you most, just before my orgasm."

"Bloody hell, it's a bit smelly down there."

"No its not."

"Yes it is."

"Look that is just the pheromones I make when I'm aroused. It is supposed to attract a mate."

"Attract a mate? More like turn his stomach."

"Get inside, now."

"Wow, you do need it badly."

"Yes I do. Now that's it, slide in nice and gently. Hmmm yes, that feels so nice."

"But I'm all wet now."

"Wiggle about a bit or slide up and down slowly. Do something except moaning will you."

"I suppose I should leave the moaning to you."

"Dead right, oh yes, yes, fuck yes. Wow Comma so feel so big inside me."

*****

"Here Comma, let me lick you clean."

"Sorry what did you say, where am I?"

"Oh Comma, you were wonderful. I loved it when you slid back and forth inside me, you really know how make a girl orgasm. That was a good one."

"I, I, it was my pleasure. Now why do a feel like Full Stop? You've squashed me."

"Only a little. I am sorry but when I orgasmed my legs tensed and I ended up clamping my thighs together. I couldn't help it, I lost control of my senses."

"Some would say you never had control of them in the first place."

"Ha-ha, witty today aren't we."

"Witty, wet and squashed, guess its my lucky day."

"You'll grow back in a minute or so. Anyway I can't thank you enough for coming to my rescue, you are my knight in shining armour."

"I could have done with armour in there."

"Shut up. Didn't you enjoy your first time?"

"Hmmm, let me think. I got pushed into a dark, wet, smelly hole, then slid in and out rather vigorously, especially at the end, until I was dizzy. So no."

"Well I did. I loved my first time being fucked by a comma."

"What as opposed to fucking up with commas."

Sticks out tongue

.

"I'm off for a shower. Next time I will use the wavy thing, what's it called?"

"My, you really are a complete heathen aren't you. It's a tilde."

"Oh I am sorry. Now goodbye Comma, I will see you later."

"Not if I see you first."