I hate chain letters with a an absolute passion; I would rather receive an unsolicited telephone call in the middle of wild sex for the first time in a month than to receive a chain letter.
So why am I sending you an unsolicited chain letter?
DON’T STOP READING! I am not going to ask you for a single penny. There is no money involved in this chain letter. I would not stoop so low to send a hated chain letter asking for money to one of my best friends…or to friends I have yet to meet. This letter, rather, is the start of an entire new life for you. Let me explain.
Our chain letter was started in the hope of bringing relief and pleasure to other tired and browbeaten men around the world. Look at myself. I have been married for fifteen years to the same woman. Each time we had sex the first year I put a penny in a jar—blowjobs were worth two pennies, and any combination of two events that ended with three orgasms in a night earned three pennies. The jar filled up rapidly. After the first year the jars full of pennies lined the desk of my office in the basement.
From the start of the second year on, the pennies were supposed to be taken from the jars with the same rules. It is now year fifteen and the jars full of pennies still line the desk of my office in the basement. I have discretely surveyed other ‘happily married’ men and have discovered they also have an abundance of copper pennies in jars waiting for something to change.
Trust me…nothing will change unless you follow the instructions in this chain letter. Let me repeat—you will remain tired, and horny, and discouraged unless you break free of your prejudice against chain letters. I guarantee you that this chain letter will work for you.
The instructions are simple. Just send a copy of this letter to five of your ‘happily married’ friends who are equally discontented and frustrated. The more frustrated the better, so those men that you know who went to local strip clubs or rented porn movies within the last six months should certainly be sent a copy of this letter.
Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.
Then you must show some patience. Perhaps count the pennies in your jars so that when your rewards start arriving, you do not have an overdraft with your penny collection. When your time comes, you will receive 15,869 plus women. The ‘plus’ is because our history has shown that some men who receive this letter will send both their wife and their girlfriend, so there is a kind of lotto bonus, if you will, when this happens.
One of these women is bound to be better than the one you already have. In fact, we have observed an embarrassment of riches for those who followed the instructions exactly as written. Some men had to buy bigger houses. Others, less financially secure, had to build additional bedrooms in their basements.
At the time of this writing, a friend of mine has already received 269 women, of whom 6 were worth keeping. Since his financial situation is modest, two of his six are being kept at his neighbor’s house who charges absolutely no money rent (wink, wink).
AN ADDITIONAL BENEFIT of this chain letter is that it brings unintended benefits to those who are organized. For example, you have catalogued your women in your laptop and it is the afternoon. You close your eyes and decide. Blond—now you are down to 69 women. Real blonds with blond pubic hair—now you are down to 21. Blonds with natural breasts bigger than B and less than DD—now you are down to 15 women. Real blonds with natural breasts bigger than B and less than DD and who scream your name when they come—now you are down to 8 women. Well you get the picture. One man on our list got down to three women—a Playboy bunny, a Hooter’s waitress, and a Hollywood super model. He refuses to tell us how he made the final cut…if there was a final cut (wink, wink).
