The Bagel Sandwich Bang

"You're an immature prick," Jade yelled at her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend, Randy Sherman, who was in the kitchen looking down at the table.

She had been angry for the last few days with his behavior about not being passionate or mature with their relationship. He knew what the real reason was.

Jade had moved into his house months earlier and became accustomed to his behavior, but not that he wouldn't bow to her every wish and didn't want to be submissive to her at all. She was a real twat, that was for damn sure. He wasn't sure if she had found someone else to fuck her into next week, but for all he cared, she could find someone to skull fuck her to death.

She was annoying. Everything was never good enough for her. She hated the house. She hated their clothes, she hated their cars, she wanted to leave and move to somewhere else. Randy on the other hand didn't want to move anywhere in particular due to the fact that he was still in love with the town they were in. Randy hadn't hit or hurt her, he just disagreed with her. Honestly, he wasn't hard to please, he was just laid-back. Perhaps a full blown slacker.

Randy wasn't vile or evil, he was just tired of ungrateful bitches that thought they deserved some kind of medal for being more egotistical than their spouses. They had been going out for three long years, eventually she was going to get the hint that she wasn't the queen of the world.

Randy didn't like the idea of being submissive but he also didn't want her to be submissive to him, he wanted her to love him and be understanding. Yet daily he was reminded that Jade was not understanding, that she didn't want to fulfill his dreams, and becoming ever clearer that she didn't love him.

Finally, Randy snapped at her, "Get the fuck out then. If you think I'm an immature prick, then go, get the fuck out and go to your lover, wherever the fuck he is."

She growled at him and pulled her packed duffel bag up to her, "Fine motherfucker, I will, don't expect me to come home again, I'm done with you and this whole fucking place."

"Good, see you later, cunt!"

"Don't call me a cunt, asshole!"

"I just did, now get the fuck out before I get mad!"

She slammed the door and made sure to slug his car windshield with her purse before pulling out in her own car. Thankfully the bitch bought his bluff.

Randy was virtually unable to get mad at anyone and if he did, it wasn't going to cause him to be violent. She was gone in seconds. Randy groaned. It was for the best, that was for sure, he didn't need horrible people in his life anymore than he needed Gatorade. Deciding the best thing for him at that point would be something to eat, he looked around.

Though Jade was a total fucking bitch and didn't have any redeeming qualities, her shopping habits were something he would probably end up missing later down the road.

He reached in the cabinet and pulled out the bag of whole-wheat bagels, then went to the fridge and pulled out a jar of mayo, dressing, a bag of turkey, a slice of tomato and lettuce and whipped it up into a beautiful bagel sandwich.

Something about sandwiches had always been creatively entertaining to him, he couldn't exactly put his finger on it.

He stretched slightly, realizing that Jade wouldn't be there to play in bed anymore, which was a damn shame since she was excellent at sucking dick. Her mouth was anyways, the rest of her body was thrashing and she screamed worse than a hoot owl.

Slowly, Randy looked down at the plate. It was a blue plate that was round, as most plates are, yet the subject of his desire was on the plate seemingly looking up to him.

The bagel sandwich was there, it was so beautiful, truly a wonder of human creation. Sandwiches always are creative things. You can put virtually anything on them and still eat them. There is literally no way you can fuck up a sandwich. Well, maybe you can, but he wasn't sure how you could. He smiled at it.

Maybe it was the thought of being alone again, maybe it was the realization that he had been dumped by someone who he thought would stay with him forever, whatever the reason, he looked at the bagel sandwich and smiled brightly.

Sandwiches couldn't get up and walk away. Thankfully the cost of sandwich material was never high or expensive and he knew that it was well worth the thought in his mind. He looked around to make sure that there was nobody looking, since the most intelligent person would still go insane at what Randy had in mind.

The sandwich lay on the table, two pieces of bagel with lettuce, turkey, tomato, and ranch dressing between it. God, what a miracle idea he'd just been struck with. He slipped over to the stereo system with ease and turned it to the most glorious jazz music he could think of.

My God, he thought to himself, I've got enough food here to keep me company for as long as I can stand it.

His heart beating harder, he quickly ditched his purple shirt and his khaki pants. He walked up to the sandwich, his fingertip rubbing around the hole on the top of the bagel. He felt his cock getting hard. Something he knew that his girlfriend was going to miss was his dick, it was long and hard and beautiful. He knew that it wasn't going to be a fun time without her, but as long as he had the beautiful sandwiches he knew how to make and the cantaloupe that he could easily cut a hole into and use, there was nothing stopping him from achieving alternative gratification.

Jerking his cock as the tunes he used to fuck to came on, he took a knife from the table and cut a small slit in the middle of the bagel sandwich, knowing that he needed a way to fit inside.

Setting the knife down again, Randy gently grasped the bagel sandwich by its sides and gently, ever so gently, pushed the tip of his cock through the hole and into the slit until he had fully gone through to the other side.

He moaned at how hot it was, the sandwich had after all, just come out of the microwave. It was so juicy from the heat. He moved himself in and out of it, watching as his cock began to show signs of catching the sauces and he went harder, closing his eyes as he fucked his sandwich. Holy fuck, he thought, this is so wrong but fuck yes, it feels so right.

He had never imagined that an everyday snack could turn into an everyday fuck. He kept going harder and harder, this was the best damn shit he'd ever fucked. It even made the gushing sounds that a pussy made when he quickened his pace and fucked it harder and harder.

Pulling his cock out, he carried the sandwich over to the sofa and lifted one his left leg on the sofa while his other leg remained anchored on the floor, his cock hammered into the sandwich and rocked it harder, sweat beginning to trickle down his neck as he fucked harder and moaned, "Oh fuck me, this is hot."

He went faster, his cock throbbing as it fucked the hearty lunch of millions everywhere. A shame, Randy thought, they got something so perfect in their hands and all they can do is eat it. What kind of world is this?

He moaned harder and harder. Jade was nothing compared to the fucking bagel sandwich. This creation of his was perfect. It was like "food fuck Frankenstein" and he was intent on fucking it more until he couldn't control himself. He loved getting that way, it was the best way to get, especially during sex.

He went harder, flipping the television on to the pornographic channel and watched as a hulky sumbitch began plowing into a woman that must have been around 19 or 20 years old.

He sucked on his bottom lip as he fucked the bagel sandwich harder, his cock beginning to quake with the pleasure and building steam that was propelling him forward like so many perfect fucks before this one, only they were with humans who didn't want to be controlled perfectly, the sandwich wanted to be controlled. It wanted to be used and abused.

The sandwich wanted him to make it his own. He wanted it so much. Fuck, he had wanted it for so long and now he had it, he sure as shit wasn't going to let it go. He rammed harder and harder, making sure that it didn't get away from him as his hands grew sweaty and his body rapidly began to sweat profusely and he felt the shiver that he'd felt more than once before.

Quickly, he sat on the sofa, breathing slowly and moving the sandwich up and down on his cock, it's insides shifting and giving little to no resistance at being fucked into an echo-less oblivion that he couldn't help but feel he was slowly creeping towards.

He moaned and he bit his lip as he continued holding back from the sandwich. He didn't want to explode all over it yet, he wanted to hold back until he had the proper amount to spread over bread. Yes, he was going to use his cock like a tool and make sure the sandwich had plenty of condiment on it.

After all, it deserved the condiment, didn't it? He definitely agreed with himself. The sandwich had been a damn good fuck so far and he wasn't finished with it yet, not by a fucking long shot. He continued to fuck it harder than before. His heart pounding in his bare chest, his nipples hard as sweat coated him, the air of the house causing quaint shivers, and his ass clenching in an attempt to keep himself from exploding into waves of ecstatic pleasure.

The sandwich in his hand, being fucked good by the cock, it's bread being pounded. It held strong in his loving hands. The man was so gentle. He was so sweet and kind, the sandwich hadn't expected anything more than to be eaten, now it was the center of the man's attention and was getting fucked better every second.

Fuck, this was something that all sandwiches should want, yet many are never used in such a delicate and loving manner. The sandwich stayed still and allowed Randy to fuck it better than before.

Randy looked down at the sandwich, it was so beautiful in his hands, fuck he couldn't believe how heartless he'd been before hand. How many sandwiches had he made and ate? How many hearts had he broke in his quest to eliminate hunger?

Such a waste of perfection.

He went slower, holding it closer as he fucked the bagel sandwich more than he had before, his cock pushed in and out of it with the same love and desire that he used with his girlfriend back when he had one.

It was so glorious. The sandwich of desire, that's what he'd call it, the desirable sandwich. It deserved all the fucks in the world and he was the lucky one who got to fuck it everyday from there on out, of course, he knew that it wouldn't last long and he'd have to move on to another version of it but he'd still have these moments to remember with it.

He'd went harder, the sandwich seemed to want more, and he wanted to give it more. He continued harder than before and then he started drilling the sandwich more and more until he could feel himself beginning to lose control of his load. He moaned aloud, "FUCK YES!"

He pulled the tip inside the sandwich and came hard, filling the inside of the sandwich up with his warm and silky jizz. It was so beautiful.

Fuck, how beautiful was it, he couldn't describe it words. He smiled at the sandwich which lay still in his hand as he jerked the last few drops of cum out of his cock onto its bread-face. He smiled, "I guess that's why they say 'face sandwich'?"

The joke was lame, but the sandwich didn't roll its eyes as his bitch ex-girlfriend would have. He knew the sandwich wouldn't last much longer, it had had such a beautiful life for the last twenty minutes. He smiled at it and caress it with his fingertips. He could almost cry at how beautiful the moment was.

He carried it to trash and dumped it into the trashcan. He couldn't think of any other way he could say goodbye. He certainly wasn't going to eat it, he was done eating sandwiches from there on out, he was going to take a shower. After that, he didn't know...though, eyeing the cantaloupes in the bowl on the table, he had an idea of how the rest of the night was going to play out.

It wasn't the best way to get rid of a lover but he didn't know any other way to get rid of the sandwich. He wondered though, where it would go after this, but for the time being he only wanted to move on and see what happened next with the rest of his night.

Randy ran the hot water and jumped into the shower, it was nice and refreshing his muscles being cleansed of the sweat that had covered them only minutes earlier. He looked around and grabbed the soap, lathering his body and muscular physique as he washed himself.

He couldn't help but think of the sandwich. How beautiful it was.

How perfect he had used it.

How neither he nor it was going to feel ashamed or upset later on. It truly was the best fuck that he had had in a while. Slowly his hand went down to his cock, the water acting as a natural lubricant, he thought of the sandwich. J ade would've called him an "immature asshole" but he knew that it wasn't immature to fall in love with something you've fucked. He did fall in love with her after all.

He started jerking himself hard. He moaned gentler as his other hands caressed his chest and abs while he fucked himself good with his hand, moaning more, "Oh fuck, Sandy, oh fuck."

Randy jerked himself more, he could almost imagine what the cantaloupe would feel like. A nice sized slit cut into it, his cock plowing its way through the hole, the warm sticky juices of the cantaloupe flowing down his leg as he fucked it harder than ever. He moaned more, "Oh fuck, you little naughty fucker."

He jerked himself harder, thinking of how dirty it was to fuck fruit and a sandwich, to fuck his dinner before he ate it. Oh, he hadn't eaten the sandwich, but he might eat the fruit. After all, why not? He didn't have anything he could give himself and he certainly wasn't afraid to try new things. And besides, after taking his load, didn't it deserve to be cleaned out?

Most definitely, and how hot it was, the thought of eating your own sauce from inside. He felt himself edging harder until finally, he came fast and fully in the shower, the water only further helping to wash it away from him. This was damn good. He hadn't been this excited since he first discovered sex. He relaxed and let the water pound his muscular flesh.

This was only going to get better. He knew that for sure. And if anything was certain, this was going to be a fun story to tell his next girlfriend. If ever.