"You're an immature prick," Jade yelled at her soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend, Randy Sherman, who was in the kitchen looking down at the table.
She had been angry for the last few days with his behavior about not being passionate or mature with their relationship. He knew what the real reason was.
Jade had moved into his house months earlier and became accustomed to his behavior, but not that he wouldn't bow to her every wish and didn't want to be submissive to her at all. She was a real twat, that was for damn sure. He wasn't sure if she had found someone else to fuck her into next week, but for all he cared, she could find someone to skull fuck her to death.
She was annoying. Everything was never good enough for her. She hated the house. She hated their clothes, she hated their cars, she wanted to leave and move to somewhere else. Randy on the other hand didn't want to move anywhere in particular due to the fact that he was still in love with the town they were in. Randy hadn't hit or hurt her, he just disagreed with her. Honestly, he wasn't hard to please, he was just laid-back. Perhaps a full blown slacker.
Randy wasn't vile or evil, he was just tired of ungrateful bitches that thought they deserved some kind of medal for being more egotistical than their spouses. They had been going out for three long years, eventually she was going to get the hint that she wasn't the queen of the world.
Randy didn't like the idea of being submissive but he also didn't want her to be submissive to him, he wanted her to love him and be understanding. Yet daily he was reminded that Jade was not understanding, that she didn't want to fulfill his dreams, and becoming ever clearer that she didn't love him.
Finally, Randy snapped at her, "Get the fuck out then. If you think I'm an immature prick, then go, get the fuck out and go to your lover, wherever the fuck he is."
She growled at him and pulled her packed duffel bag up to her, "Fine motherfucker, I will, don't expect me to come home again, I'm done with you and this whole fucking place."
"Good, see you later, cunt!"
"Don't call me a cunt, asshole!"
"I just did, now get the fuck out before I get mad!"
She slammed the door and made sure to slug his car windshield with her purse before pulling out in her own car. Thankfully the bitch bought his bluff.
Randy was virtually unable to get mad at anyone and if he did, it wasn't going to cause him to be violent. She was gone in seconds. Randy groaned. It was for the best, that was for sure, he didn't need horrible people in his life anymore than he needed Gatorade. Deciding the best thing for him at that point would be something to eat, he looked around.
Though Jade was a total fucking bitch and didn't have any redeeming qualities, her shopping habits were something he would probably end up missing later down the road.
He reached in the cabinet and pulled out the bag of whole-wheat bagels, then went to the fridge and pulled out a jar of mayo, dressing, a bag of turkey, a slice of tomato and lettuce and whipped it up into a beautiful bagel sandwich.
Something about sandwiches had always been creatively entertaining to him, he couldn't exactly put his finger on it.
He stretched slightly, realizing that Jade wouldn't be there to play in bed anymore, which was a damn shame since she was excellent at sucking dick. Her mouth was anyways, the rest of her body was thrashing and she screamed worse than a hoot owl.
Slowly, Randy looked down at the plate. It was a blue plate that was round, as most plates are, yet the subject of his desire was on the plate seemingly looking up to him.
The bagel sandwich was there, it was so beautiful, truly a wonder of human creation. Sandwiches always are creative things. You can put virtually anything on them and still eat them. There is literally no way you can fuck up a sandwich. Well, maybe you can, but he wasn't sure how you could. He smiled at it.
Maybe it was the thought of being alone again, maybe it was the realization that he had been dumped by someone who he thought would stay with him forever, whatever the reason, he looked at the bagel sandwich and smiled brightly.
Sandwiches couldn't get up and walk away. Thankfully the cost of sandwich material was never high or expensive and he knew that it was well worth the thought in his mind. He looked around to make sure that there was nobody looking, since the most intelligent person would still go insane at what Randy had in mind.
The sandwich lay on the table, two pieces of bagel with lettuce, turkey, tomato, and ranch dressing between it. God, what a miracle idea he'd just been struck with. He slipped over to the stereo system with ease and turned it to the most glorious jazz music he could think of.
My God, he thought to himself, I've got enough food here to keep me company for as long as I can stand it.
His heart beating harder, he quickly ditched his purple shirt and his khaki pants. He walked up to the sandwich, his fingertip rubbing around the hole on the top of the bagel. He felt his cock getting hard. Something he knew that his girlfriend was going to miss was his dick, it was long and hard and beautiful. He knew that it wasn't going to be a fun time without her, but as long as he had the beautiful sandwiches he knew how to make and the cantaloupe that he could easily cut a hole into and use, there was nothing stopping him from achieving alternative gratification.
Jerking his cock as the tunes he used to fuck to came on, he took a knife from the table and cut a small slit in the middle of the bagel sandwich, knowing that he needed a way to fit inside.
Setting the knife down again, Randy gently grasped the bagel sandwich by its sides and gently, ever so gently, pushed the tip of his cock through the hole and into the slit until he had fully gone through to the other side.
He moaned at how hot it was, the sandwich had after all, just come out of the microwave. It was so juicy from the heat. He moved himself in and out of it, watching as his cock began to show signs of catching the sauces and he went harder, closing his eyes as he fucked his sandwich. Holy fuck, he thought, this is so wrong but fuck yes, it feels so right.
He had never imagined that an everyday snack could turn into an everyday fuck. He kept going harder and harder, this was the best damn shit he'd ever fucked. It even made the gushing sounds that a pussy made when he quickened his pace and fucked it harder and harder.
Pulling his cock out, he carried the sandwich over to the sofa and lifted one his left leg on the sofa while his other leg remained anchored on the floor, his cock hammered into the sandwich and rocked it harder, sweat beginning to trickle down his neck as he fucked harder and moaned, "Oh fuck me, this is hot."
