“Welcome to the pre show interview. If you would close the door behind you we’ll get started. Thank you. Your name is....?”
“Natalie.”
“Well Natalie what did you bring us to be appraised today?”
“Well I brought these to be appraised.”
“......uh, Natalie, I don’t see anything.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. My tits. I thought you were looking at them when I walked in. I mean they’re really big. Weren't you looking at my tits?”
“Well, uh, yes I did notice them, er, I mean you, when you walked in, you’re a very beautiful woman of course. But......”
“What do you mean, “But’ I came to the Appraisal Road Show to have my tits appraised so that I can have them insured. Are you the tit appraiser?”
“No, Natalie we appraise items such as chairs, armoires, art work and so forth. Appraising parts of the female anatomy is not part of what we do.”
“Couldn’t you make it part of what you do?”
“I’m afraid not but thank you for coming in. If you ever have an item, that’s not a body part, bring it in and we’ll talk. Now if you’ll excuse me there are people waiting.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Just look at these tits! I’m gonna have them appraised and I’m not leaving until you give me an appraisal! I’ll scream and tell everyone waiting that this whole thing is a big rip off!
“Calm down.....take it easy...”
“Are you going to appraise my tits?”
“Yes. Yes. I’ll give you an appraisal but we’ll have to make it quick and then you’ll have to leave. Understood?”
“Sure. I don’t want trouble. I just want my tits appraised.”
“OK. I think your....I think they’re worth about........”
“Hold it. Aren't you going to ask me questions about them? What size are they? When did they develop? Do I wear a B cup or a C cup? You know, their history. What kind of an appraiser are you?”
“......Listen m’am, I’m a very good appraiser but I’ve never......Oh welI..OK...... Can you tell me something about.......your.......?”
“Tits? Yes, that’s better. My tits started to form and become really apparent when I was in the second grade.”
“The second grade?”
“ Yes and I was very self conscious about them too but my mother told me all the women on her side of the family started developing their big tits very early.”
“Listen m’am, this is most unusual. We produce a television program and I don’t think.......”
“I need them appraised.”
“Ok. Well....uh....how big are your.....?”
“My tits? It’s OK to say, ‘tits’. 44 double D”
“Holy shit!”
“You don’t believe me? Here.....let me open my blouse......see?”
“Oh my God. Ohhhhh my God. Ohhhh yes m’am.....they’re beautiful. Just beautiful. And......so big............and full and..”
“Yep. 44 double D. You want to touch them?”
“No! That’s all right. I can’t believe this.”
“You can’t? Just like a man. You want more proof? OK. The label is inside my bra, just give me a second to unsnap the front and.......there! See? ‘44 double D’ just like I said.”
“M’am, put your brassiere back on! We really have to stop this now. I’m starting to get a little too uncomfortable to continue with this, uh appraisal.”
“You mean your dick is getting hard?”
“No I don’t mean that! My.....dick isn’t getting hard!”
“Yes it is. I can see it pushing your pants out.”
“Yes! OK! My dick is getting hard and that’s why we have to stop and you must leave!”
“But if I don’t get my tits appraised my husband will be so disappointed.”
“Please, fasten your brassiere and.......your husband? He knows your here?”
“Yes. He’s the one who wants to insure my tits.”
“Why on earth would your hus......?”
“Look, my husband likes to give me titty fucks. You know what that means I hope. He likes to put his dick between my big tits and fuck them until he cums on me. And he’s afraid that if something should happen to my tits I would need breast implants and a good insurance policy would pay for that”
“Please cover yourself m’am.”
“Why? Just because your dick is hard? No way. I want an appraisal.”
“Well it’s becoming really, really uncomfortable for me.”
“Then take your damn dick out of your pants and give it some air.”
“I can’t do that!”
“Well I can! Men!”
“M’am....please.....I....oh my God! Don’t!”
“Just one little tug on your zipper and.....there. Now to reach into your shorts... and there we are. See it? Sir.....look....it’s out. Your dick is out and it should feel much better now. Does your dick feel better? Here let me blow on it and cool it off..........Better?”
“Yessss m’am......better.”
“Good. Now can we please continue with the appraisal.”
