This is my first attempt at humor. If I didn't succeed please forgive me.
This is a first encounter between Teddy and a dildo told from the POV of the dildo.
It is not intended to be erotic however if it is more power to me.
==================================
My first memory is coming alive by having my batteries inserted. I was laying on a bench with a bunch of my new friends and waiting my turn to make sure that my switches and vibrating organs worked.
Luckily I passed my test and I was moved somewhere else where I laid for awhile and I got to talk with my new friends. Of course since we were new we had no experiences to discuss but there were a lot of rumors passed on by those who had been returned by customers for repair.
I learned what our mission in life was and I learned that some of us would have a great life and others would be treated in a horrible manner.
The worst of all possible fates was, I was told, to be purchased by a gay man. The second worse was a similar fate but was to be purchased by a girl whose guy had an ANAL fetish. Sometimes in these situations you could end up covered with horrible smelling stuff and even find yourself put away still covered with it.
I asked why girls would enjoy that and found that they didn't but some guys convinced themselves that the girls did like it.
I also learned that some of us come "BATTERIES INCLUDED" and some "Requires 2 AA batteries (not included)". Apparently I was in the former category as I was an expensive model. I also learned that while I had three vibrators, one in my head, one in my mid-section and one in my base that not all us dillies were so equipped.
I was soon packaged in hard plastic and resting on a cardboard bed. I could see by looking at others that the cardboard had printing but was unable to see it well enough to read it entirely.
Then I was in a confined dark place with about eleven others and we were bounced around and left in cold places for a long time until the dark place was flooded with light and I was unceremoniously pulled out of that place and hung on a long hook on a wall.
I was back against the wall and there were several others in front of me and I could only see to the sides. Once in awhile I could catch a glimpse of someone looking around at other items on the wall and making remarks like.
"I can't believe that they are so expensive." or
"That one is pretty." or
"Oh, that one really looks great." or
"Can you imagine trying to get that inside of you?"
Once in awhile one of the guys in front of me would be sold and I would move up in the line until finally I was at the front. Then I could see the people as they walked around and looked and sometimes took something off the wall.
I couldn't see myself but as time went on I found out some things about myself. First was that my price was $79.95. Then that I was 7 1/2 inches long and 1 1/8 inch in diameter. What ever that meant.
Some said that I wasn't big enough. Others said that I was just right but cost too much. Most seemed to like my color which I learned was bright red. According to the description on the package which I heard some guy read to his girl my flaming red color would heat her up quickly. I was sometimes taken off of the wall and twisted this way and that as someone read about me on the package.
Of course sometimes I cringed and tried to hide as someone whose looks I didn't like seemed interested in me.
One day I saw a pretty blonde girl who was about five feet tall come into the store. I remembered that she had looked at me once and decided that I was too expensive. This time she came straight to where I was and took me down and carried me to the cashier.
I was so happy. She was a bit older than some but I was sure that she and I would get along great. I later learned that she was forty four. Of course none of us would ever live that long but it was not old for a people.
The cashier placed us in something translucent and I bumped along for awhile until I was thrown a short distance and then landed on something soft. I heard some fumbling and jingling and then some noise which I was to learn was a car engine. Whatever that is.
After a few minutes I was out in the open and my owner held me up and looked at me and smiled. Then I heard her say. "I'm sure that you and I are going to be very good friends. I've wanted to meet something like you for a long time and when I saw you I just had to have you. Just wait till we get home and I get you out of that nasty old packaging. I just know we'll have good times together and I'll treat you very well."
"By the way my name is Teddy and I think I will call you Red. OK?"
It certainly was OK with me. She set me gently down on the soft place and we started to move. I could see Teddy's pretty face and I was in love.
After a while the engine noise stopped and Teddy picked me up and held me to her soft body and carried me into what I now know is called a house. We went into the kitchen where she laid me down on a flat surface and when I saw her next I about died of fright.
She had a giant knife in her hand. But I was OK. It turned out that she just wanted to free me from the confinement of my packaging. She scooped me up and turned me this way and that. Finally she turned on each control and revved each of my vibrators up and down for a few seconds and then turned them off.