Once upon a time in a kingdom by the sea—actually it was Asbury Park, New Jersey—there was a beautiful young maiden whose nickname was "Snow White." Her real name was Shelly White, but both the boys and the girls in her high school had called her "Snow White" because of her high sense of morals—and her refusal to put out.
And everyone wanted her—at least all the boys did. Snow White was 18 years old, about five foot six with long blonde hair, blue sparkling eyes and the cutest little figure you ever saw. Her breasts appeared to be of modest size, but they also looked like they were perfectly formed. The saddest thing about them was that the boys were beginning to realize they would probably never see them—nor see her Little Beaver either.
At first, the boys had tried asking her out, but for the most part they got nowhere with their invitations because Snow White knew what their intentions were: a wrestling match in the back seat of a car as they tried unsuccessfully to "stick it in."
The few times Snow White went out with someone who she thought was "nice," she usually found out he was not so nice—and his intentions were the same as the others.
"I'm saving myself and my virginity for marriage," she told herself—and anyone else who would listen. And eventually, the boys stop asking her out, and some of the girls referred to her as "Little Miss Lock Box."
None of this was good news to Lucille, who was Snow White's stepmother. Both Snow White's mother and her father were dead, killed in a car accident, leaving only her cruel stepmother Lucille to take care of her.
And Lucille hated that job. She hated it mainly because even at the age of 40, she was a pretty good-looking babe, and it was common knowledge that she would put out to any high school boy who asked. Many of them did. But many of the others would not because they were still hoping to get into Snow White.
Lucille realized that as long as Snow White was around, she would be second best in that house—no matter what the mirror said. But how to get rid of Snow White?
And then the circus came to town. Lucille had nothing to do that weekend, so she decided to go see the circus for a little amusement. Naturally, she did not offer to take Snow White.
Most of the circus was deadly boring, but one amusing act in the sideshow was called "The Seven Little Pranksters." It consisted of seven dwarfs doing a bunch of silly things. They looked like a bunch of little perverts, as far as Lucille was concerned.
Hmmmmm. Perverts. That gave her an idea. The leader of the dwarves appeared to be a stubby little fellow with glasses called "Doc Feelgood." After the show was over, Lucille asked for directions and was pointed to a large motor home in which the seven dwarves traveled together.
Doc. Feelgood, who was the only one there at the time, greeted Lucille with a little suspicion, but a half hour later, he was quite interested in what she was proposing.
"She looks quite beautiful from this picture," he said, admiring the photo that Lucille had given him.
"She is beautiful. And she's a virgin. And you can have her. All seven of you. You can do anything you want to with her—as long as you take her out of town and keep her there—or deposit her a long way from here."
"And you'll pay us five thousand dollars?"
"That's about seven hundred for each of you. A thousand now, and the rest when I know you have her locked away and are ready to leave."
"It's a deal."
II
What Doc Feelgood did not tell Lucille was that all of the seven dwarves were drug or alcohol addicts—as well as being perverts—and he was their supplier. So figuring out a way to kidnap Snow White was an easy matter for him. They would go to the address Lucille had given them, tell Snow White they were delivering a singing telegram from a secret admirer, and when they were in the house, Doc would pull out his trusty bottle of chloroform and his flannel cloth.
Snow White greeted them looking like a vision of loveliness. She wore a pale blue dress with a white scarf about her neck and white slippers.
"Oh!" she said in delight when she saw them.
The chloroform worked like a charm—just like it always did. Throughout their lives, all of the dwarves had found they had a hard time getting dates—until Doc. Feelgood suggested chloroform as a dating "introduction service." Now, they had at least one date in every town. And this time, it was to be Snow White. They stuffed her into a duffel bag they had brought for that purpose, took her out to the motor home, and drove off.
Doc Feelgood collected the rest of the money from Lucille before they left town, but he had conveniently forgotten to tell the other dwarves about the money.
On the way out of town, they waited for Snow White to wake up.
"Where am I?" she finally said groggily as she sat up in the center of the living room floor. She looked around her in disbelief. It was like she had arrived in Oz.
"You are with the Seven Jolly Pranksters, a traveling company of players" Doc Feelgood said, "But fear not, no harm will befall you, and in a couple of days in another town, we shall put you on a bus with a one-way ticket back to your home."
"What am I doing here?" Snow White asked as she got to her feet, noticing that her shoes were gone. "And how did I get here?"
"We have brought you here as our temporary date—until we get to the next town," Doc Feelgood said.
"Temporary date?"
"Exactly. And now, let me introduce your temporary boyfriends. Going from left to right, we have Mr. Happy, Bashful Foreskin, Sneezy Cokehead, Sleepy Qualude, Grumpy Alky and Dopey Mainliner. And I am of course Doc Feelgood."
"What are you going to do to me?" Snow White asked.
"No more than you deserve surely. We all have different sexual tastes, and we all have trouble getting girlfriends. So for the next two days, you will be our girlfriend—and satisfy our sexual tastes."
"You're kidding me."
"Sorry, no. But I have been told by...a certain someone that you are a virgin in all areas, so we will proceed slowly but methodically. Starting with Mr. Happy, I believe he would like to show you his if you will show him yours—and you can remain a virgin."
Snow White stared in disbelief as Mr. Happy opened his trousers and brought out what was truly his "Mr. Happy", a turgid penis that was ten inches long. Snow White gasped.
"And now you must show him yours," the Doc said.
"I will not!" she said indignantly.
"You can either undress yourself—or Mr. Happy will be happy to do it for you."
Snow White looked at Mr. Happy. She dreaded what his undressing technique might include, and she realized she did not have any choice. Reluctantly, she pulled down the zipper at the back of her dress and stepped out of it. She was clad in a yellow pair of cotton panties and a white bra. The dwarves looked at her admiringly. "Everything?" she asked.
"Everything," Doc replied.
Snow sighed as she unfastened her bra, let it drop, hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her panties and pushed them down to her ankles.
"Wow," said Mr. Happy—and the rest appeared to feel the same. All of the dwarves stared in amazement at the most beautiful pair of breasts they had ever seen and the most beautiful little spun gold muff they had ever seen. Snow White knew it was pointless to try and cover herself, so she didn't.