{For Ravenfox who gave me the idea.}
*
"But I don't want to," whined the winsome young ingenue. "Why do I have to be the naked one?" She twirled her hair around her fingers and looked around the bare room at the others.
"Because," explained the young stud standing beside her, "this is a porn site and us guys wanna see naked women!"
"Yes, I know that," she answered, "but there are several other women here. Why can't one of them be naked for a change?"
"Don't look at me, dearie," answered the little old lady sitting in a rocking chair in the corner. "I'm pretty sure I'm just here as a bit of comic relief between sex scenes."
"Besides, you got tits I could bounce a quarter off of," chuckled the man in the recliner with a remote in his hand. "Huh. I guess I'm the lecherous old coot in this one!"
"I don't even know what 'tits you can bounce a quarter off' means!"
"It's just filler until the author can think of a better simile. She'll change it before this one gets submitted," assured the other woman in the room.
"She's a woman, too. Can't she get naked?" asked the younger woman.
"Yeah. How 'bout it? Two naked women would be even better. Maybe a little girl on girl action," the young stud said.
"I don't think so, stud. She's not my type. I'm strictly into men." She looked down at her leopard print top. "Apparently this is our author's subtle way of indicating I'm a 'cougar'."
"Or a wild woman," replied the only other character not heard from.
"Who are you supposed to be, ol' man?" the young stud asked, flexing his muscles.
"Let's see. Corduroy blazer, chinos, glasses. I suppose I could be the cuckold in Loving Wives..."
"Ewwwwww!" the entire room cried in unison.
"But," he continued, "I think I'm the mature male who introduces the protagonist or maybe it's the antagonist -- The author can never keep those terms straight. -- to sexual bliss."
"Neither one of them had better be me, mister! I don't do Gay Male!" The young stud glowered at the other man.
"Now, now, children. No one is going to make you do anything you don't want to do. She hasn't written a non-consent story yet and I doubt if she's going to start this soon before the contest," piped up the little old lady in the rocking chair.
"Hey! Are those chocolate chip cookies?" asked the lecherous old coot.
"Yes. It was either that or knitting. Our girl does seem to write in stereotypes," she replied, passing a plate of cookies.
"Which is why you have to take off your clothes! There's always a naked girl in porn. It's a rule!" The young stud made hurry it up motions with his hands.
"Oh, okay, I guess," the young ingenue said, unbuttoning the first few buttons on her shirt, "but this seems awfully quick. I don't even know your names."
"Call me Brittnee," the old lady called out from her rocker, "with two t's and two e's."
"Brittnee?" asked a voice from the couch. "Isn't that rather 'young for you?"
"Perhaps, but if I wait on that author, she'll name me Myrtle. She always does. You want to be a Myrtle?"
The ingenue stopped her unbuttoning and said, "I kinda like 'Myrtle'. It's sweet and old-fashioned."