I wasn't used to all the attention. It had been a week since I had been tapped to fill the senate seat left vacant by one of our party's most venerable politicians, unfortunately brought down by a scandal blown way out of proportion. So what if he was caught texting young boys; it didn't detract from his record of standing up for family values!
Back at the ranch, it had been a crazy time, what with my family thrown into a media circus. I should probably give you a little background. My name is Sophie. I'm first and foremost a happily married mother of three, a God-fearing Christian, and finally, the mayor of a small town in a big, conservative western state. If you follow the news, you've probably figured out who I am - but that isn't important here, I'm just interested in sharing one little piece of my story.
Until the call from the state party leaders, the biggest news item out of this small town was my effort to have some books removed from the town's public library. Now, though, CNN was camped out across the street, and I couldn't go anywhere without being forced to hold an impromptu press conference. Truth be told, I wasn't surprised at their fascination with the story. After all, I would be the first to admit I really wasn't qualified to fill the position. Not that I'd share that with these liberal media bastards...
I guess my style had caught the attention of some of the higher-ups. I was an attractive woman with a reputation of holding firm to the Republican party line. I was an engaging speaker. The camera loved me. I guess I was a perfect antidote for the PR nightmare which the old senator had brought on the state party.
Anyway, this was the setting when last weekend began. I had been invited, and given instructions on how to make the trip undetected by the media, to join a party higher-up and a major donor at a house deep in the woods, where I would be once more grilled on my policy positions, and packed full of information before my first major press conference. With my husband, my rock, on speed dial until he could join me the next day, I made the one-hour drive, arriving just after dark.
After a nice dinner and small talk about state politics, the three of us settled into comfortable chairs in the living room, beer for the men and whiskey for me, and they proceeded to explain their logic in selecting me to appoint for the position.
"I know you may feel unprepared, Sophie, but we trust you. We trust your family, and we trust your politics," John, the party official, explained. Mostly, Bob here thought a woman such as yourself would immediately appeal to a large cross-section of the population, and would be a nice safe choice after the scandal we've just been through. We hope to strengthen our support among women, and frankly, we know you appeal to men of all ages. Right, Bob?" John gestured to the other man, the party donor, clearly the real decision-maker of the two.
"Absolutely. We've been looking for the MILF candidate for years."
I smiled and raised my glass to their bottles, but I couldn't help but be confused. What on earth did 'MILF' stand for? Was this yet another government agency I'd never heard of but would have to learn about in the next two days? I excused myself, running to another room to call my husband.
"Hi, honey," I said sweetly when he answered. "Things are going fine here, I just have one question."
"OK, shoot!"
"What's a 'MILF'?"
"Ooh, um, well, dear, did those guys use the term to refer to you?"
"Yes, is that a good thing?"
"Well, I'll spare you the details, but let's just say they're referring to your sex appeal. I must say, I'm a little nervous, leaving you there alone with a couple of powerful men!"
"Oh, don't be silly. I would never do anything like that without you here to watch!"
His cell phone cut out at that point, so I was left to my own devices, and returned to the living room to join the men, who had moved on to another drink. We continued talking, covering several vital social issues, such as how to keep homosexuals marginalized, before moving on to foreign policy, an area where I really, desperately needed education.
Bob took a few minutes to explain his priorities in those regards, with John nodding his head in agreement every few moments. I took careful mental notes, but was still feeling insecure about whether I could remember all of this new information, whether I could hold my own when talking to the media. I decided it was time to return to a position of comfort.
"So, guys, could we call it a night on the political talk? Maybe get started again in the morning? I really appreciate your confidence in me and the time you're taking to get me prepped, but I think I've had about all I can take for one evening."
"Sure, no problem, Sophie. We can start again in the morning. If you'd like to turn in, the bedrooms are down the hall," Bob said, pointing to his right.
"Well, that's not exactly what I had in mind. I was thinking it might be time I put my mouth where your money is."