Saving Grace The Good News

Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is heaven.

It has been six days since I pleasured myself with the beauty of the film

Cumswaping Cunts 7

, by your command, and realized, by your grace, my divine calling to start a polygamous sect. At that time you showed to me the greatest work of love I have ever seen— two beautiful women harmoniously sharing a single man's seed— and you revealed to me that it was indeed my destiny, and the destiny of every able-bodied man of God, to know this portion of your resplendent mystery— the mouth-to-mouth cumswap and many other divine mysteries attending the state of many wives.

Now, I have done all that you have asked of me. Still, doubts remain in my heart. Oh Lord: I believe, help thou my unbelief.

I have tendered my resignation to the Methodist Church of Arkansas, much to the shock of everyone. In truth, I was shocked as everyone else, for my conviction regarding the polygamist doctrine has become very strong since that night. You know how it was particularly hard for me to part with the girls of my youth group, whom I love so dearly. Please send to them a servant who shall love them equally— hallelujah.

I have withdrawn all the liquid assets which I acquired short selling bank shares in the period immediately preceding the economic catastrophe of 2008— hallelujah.

I have looked carefully at the real estate market in Detroit, as you have counseled me in your wisdom, and I have found many opulent palaces under thirty thousand dollars, which may be suitable for conversion to a magnificent compound of love. I have sent only serious inquiries— hallelujah.

I have packed all my belongings— my best blue pinstripe suit, my microphone, three crates of beeswax based hairgel necessary for perfect hair molding— into the trunk of my 95 Ford Aspire, and I am prepared to leave tomorrow, if the car makes it— hallelujah.

And yet, oh Lord, the doubts remain, and I am sorely tempted to abandon my fearful mission. And so in this time of trouble my heart turns, like the saints of old, to the fear (surely unfounded!) that my mission is impossible.

Some doubts, I suppose, will always remain— the product of man's finite mind. To begin, the principle of many wives does not seem mathematically feasible. Even the people of the blue states might object, and say, 'how can every man have multiple wives?' Will we not run out of women quickly, and won't this cause many men to live without wives, as dangerous wandering renegades intent on robbing us of our much loved ladies? Oh Lord, make me a man of faith, not reliant on fallible human reason.

And Lord, there are other doubts...scriptural doubts. In the garden of Eden, did Adam not have one wife? And on the ark, was there was not two of each kind? Help me remember that in many cases one is metaphorical for two, and in some cases for three, and in still other cases it is metaphorical for many other integers which are higher than one, not less than four, but not higher than forty-four, as you have revealed to me.

Such doubts, I know, are merely the product of man's fallen mind, attempting the grasp through its limited intellect the divine plan. Yes, I know in my heart, and not with my mind, that you wish all men to experience the divine blessing of the cumswap, the sight of one girl guiding the cock into the other, the sight of the one girl making the other girl choke on the cock, and many other beautiful and divine mysteries.

But I do not know if the world is ready for the secret, many-wived, tax-free love which I have been called to share with it. Nor do I know for certain that I am worthy to carry out this task. For though you have blessed me a with a cock that shall please my wives immensely, and stamina that shall never leave them unsatisfied, yet I am terrified to spread your love. For you know well how the prophets of old were always received. I pray today in secret, and though it is said we should pray in our closets, yet I pray this way out of fear. How will your message be received? Oh Lord, strengthen me in my time of testing.

But most of all, oh Lord, I do not know if I am ready for the married life, and all the emotions that attend it. What if, in carrying out your mission, by some chance I should fall in love? For you know, oh Lord, how I loved once and lost, and, beset by untamable grief, was driven to the all-but-celibate life of the cloth. Now, forty-one and alone, what shall I do if my heart is torn again? I do not know if I have the strength once more to weather such a storm. Oh Lord, build my compound upon the rock and not upon the sand. Diversify my risk with many, many, many young and beautiful wives.