I've heard people tell him "don't let the little head do the thinking". Like I don't know as much as the 'big' head? Where has he gotten us? This scratchy material sure isn't silk and I haven't seen my friend Miss Kitty in a long time. Ooh I'm getting bigger; what's he looking at? Nothing much I guess; I'm shrinking. He probably saw a bra ad in a magazine. You would not believe how many times a day my head gets pressed into the back of this zipper for false alarms.
Hi, my name is Richard and I'm special. I must be because I have so many other names: Dick, Rod, Meat Pole…it goes on and on. I think my last name is Johnson but I'm not sure because my owner Lawrence's last name is Kravitt. It's a bit confusing but how special can he be with only Lawrence and Larry for names?
I also have some problem with my age. I seem to have woken up when he was twelve; does that make me seven or nineteen now? Like I said, it's a bit confusing.
One thing that isn't confusing is that if he let me run the show we'd all have a better time. He spends eight hours a day in an office and keeps me in the dark the whole time. How stupid is that? And boy is he lazy. I'm up every morning ready to go and he's asleep. I don't think he ever got up before me in his entire life.
We'd also have a lot more fun if he went to see Bonnie more often. (He picks a girl with one name; that tells you something) He only goes over once or twice a week but at least I get out a little and see Miss Kitty. Talk about names, she's got a load. We don't meet that often and half the time I'm out of earshot but it sounds like one is from the Sopranos and one from a philosopher-Big Pussy and Kant.
I've made lots of friends over at Bonnie's besides Miss Kitty: there's the twins Titty and Titty, (who have hundreds of other names) Sweet Cheeks and Lipps. An afternoon spent between any of them is lots better than a day at the office.
I wish he would just do what Bonnie says; I know I would be a lot happier. Almost every time we're over there, she talks about me and practically begs him, "give it to me, give it to me, let me have it" but no, I have to go home with him every time. It would be so nice to live with the girls at Bonnie's.
He also says dumb things. When you feel good you grow, right? It's so obvious. Like when I'm between the twins; I feel good and I get twice as wide and twice as tall. Lawrence expects Bonnie to believe him when he tells her, "I feel so good, you make me feel so good" but he starts out at 5'11" and ends up at 5'11". How dumb is that?
