Many thanks to Frontma for first editing and improving this story.
Immense gratitude to BeautifulStorm, the hardest working editor on this site, who not only applies incredible editing expertise but also tremendous effort in following through to make sure the story turns out much better than I ever thought it could be.
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"Sit down, Mr. and Mrs. Bledsoe."
Fiona's smile was as bright as the room.
"I hope you weren't waiting in front too long. Sorry about the extra light. Some people can't see well and don't like anyone to know. Everything on these papers will crystal clear so you can be sure there are no mistakes before you sign.
"I know you called this morning, but I was busy running the numbers for two other clients, and then I went straight to the fitness club. As soon as I got off the treadmill, I checked for messages and found yours and called you right back.
"I'm glad you could come over to my house to sign the papers. I didn't even have time to shower and change, so please excuse me for being so smelly and sweaty. We have just enough time before I have to clean up and run out. I have six other refis to finish before 4 p.m. It's a bagel lunch on the run for me today.
"But I'm not complaining, because you have to make hay when the sun shines, isn't that right, Mrs. Bledsoe? With this rate drop, I can save people lots of money and make enough to keep up with my own mortgage payments. So it's a win-win, right, Mr. Bledsoe?
"You know most of my customers, I'd say ninety-five per cent, are so appreciative of my thoughtfulness and thoroughness that they can't thank me enough. I never ask them for anything, because that's not my style, but they call up my boss and just gush.
"Or they write her letters that get me all red in the face when she makes me stand up and reads them to the entire office at our weekly meeting. They send me little gifts, and they send me so many referrals that when the rates drop, I'm working day and night to get everyone locked into a better deal. I think you were a referral, weren't you?
"Of course, there are always a few who are hard to please. Instead of making hay with them when the sun shines, I would like to tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. You know what I mean, Mrs. Bledsoe?
"These are the folks who never return my calls. They don't believe me when I lay out the best deal I can give them. They shop around with sleazy lenders who lie to them. When they find out about the points and hidden closing costs, instead of being embarrassed at being gullible, they accuse me of being no better than the people I warned them about.
"I don't expect to ever hear from these ungrateful people again, but the minute they hear about another rate drop, they're calling every five minutes, because they're desperate to lock it in before the next swing.
"Isn't it funny how these pains in the place where the sun doesn't shine are some of my wealthiest customers. The ten or twenty thousand I save them is like a drop in the bucket for them. It's almost funny how they will disrupt their comfortable lives and do almost anything for lower rates.
"Do you know people like that, Mr. and Mrs. Bledsoe? No, please, no need to apologize. As I told you the first time we met, I will do anything for my clients, no matter how inconsiderate they are.
"It's just part of doing business, and I've found ways to get satisfaction from every situation, no matter how unpleasant. So when you walk out of here, you can be assured that your payments are going to be three hundred dollars a month less and there will be no closing costs at all."
The Bledsoes snuck glances at each other as Fiona kept talking. They had been looking impatient with the loan officer, but at these words, they brightened up. She asked them why they were dressed up on a Sunday morning, and they explained that after they finished signing the papers they were going to their club for brunch.
"When you tell your friends at brunch what a deal you got, they are going to be so jealous. They'll all want to know who did it. But if you don't want to say anything, I don't mind. I have more than enough work."
Fiona dumped a folder full of papers on the hassock in front of the couch where the Bledsoes were sitting. She moved her hands around the folder and then looked on the floor at her feet and all around the hassock.
"Where did my pen go? Oh no. Thanks, Mr. Bledsoe, but I can't use your pen. I need the pen I used before. Everyone's so suspicious nowadays that if the ink doesn't match, it's kicked back, and then you might miss locking in the rate.
"I'll look between the cushions of the couch. Mr. Bledsoe, would you mind crawling under the dining room table and looking there. Mrs. Bledsoe, would you mind looking under those two chairs.
"Don't worry, my carpets are spotless. They're so thick and soft that sometimes I just fall down and stretch out on them when I come home exhausted. And they have that special treatment, so that they never get stained and anything that spills on them is easy to clean up.
The Bledsoes looked at Fiona with expressions of puzzlement but made no move.
"If you don't help me look, it might take me a while to find that pen. If we run out of time, I won't be able to get back to you today. Oh, thanks for helping. That's it, Mrs. Bledsoe, go all around those chairs and look really hard.
"Well, thank you both. I couldn't find it, and I see you couldn't either, but I thought of another place to look."
The Bledsoes had been crawling on their hands and knees inspecting the carpet with their heads down. They turned back toward Fiona, and both gasped.
She was sitting sideways on the couch and leaning back on a cushion. She had taken her cross-training shoes off and socks off and lifted her feet onto the couch. Her heels were touching her thighs. What startled the Bledsoes was that she had also taken off her workout shorts and underwear and spread her knees wide apart.
She was smiling as the shocked couple started at her. When she spoke, her voice was friendly and melodious. It was the same voice as she always used when dealing with customers, the same voice she had been using before. But now there was a hint of authority and efficiency.
"I know it's unusual, but sometimes pens fall into the strangest places. It's hard for me to look into this thick black bush, but Mr. Bledsoe might be able to spot it. I'm not embarrassed at all. We need to find that pen, so I'll do what it takes."
The Bledsoes stood up and stared at her. Mrs. Bledsoe went to her husband and spoke softly and quickly and then went to pick up her purse from the rug next to the couch. She turned her head away from Fiona as she approached her.
"It looks like you have to leave, Mrs. Bledsoe," Fiona said in the same positive chirpy voice as before. "You probably don't want to be late to your brunch.
