"Pesky moggy," grumbled the caretaker taking a swing at the cat with his mop, "Go on, get out of 'ere."
The cat, completely unflustered by the cleaner's attention, nonchalantly slinked out of the leather backed chair reserved for the chairman of Rutshire County Council and stretched her slender frame before shooting a glance of disdain at the caretaker and padding out of the council chamber into the corridors of County Hall as if she owned them. The cat, with her sleek coat of black fur, slithered down the empty corridors with effortless feline grace.
She halted at a door left ajar overnight and cast her eyes up to a scribbled name on a piece of card stuck to it with
blu-tak.
It read,
Richard Whittington,
Portfolio Holder for Sustainability and Community Engagement
. She squeezed her slender frame through the narrow gap, leapt lithely onto the desk, padded over a computer keyboard and jumped into a shabby office chair and curled herself up. She settled down for a well-earned snooze...tomorrow would be a busy day.
***
Richard Whittington picked up the mail from his pigeon hole. There was a memo from the
Director of Environment and Neighbourhood Services
requesting an urgent meeting on the compost recycling bag issue; the contractor had supplied shoddy bags that split and were leaving trails of rotting food waste on kitchen floors across the whole county. Later he had a meeting with some angry residents about the switch from weekly to bi-weekly bin collections and then he had been hauled before the
Overview and Scrutiny Office
about some disputed expenses claim for a bacon sandwich he'd made. Finally, he knew there would be an inbox with hundreds of e-mails to deal with.
He'd been promised a personal assistant. As a portfolio holder he should have one, after all, Nigel in
Economic Regeneration
had one, why shouldn't he? But the wheels of County Hall turned slowly and now, with the austerity measures and spending cuts, he suspected he'd never get one. There were days when Richard doubted himself and this was one of them. Had he entered local politics for this? He'd expected a modicum of power and respect.
He swung open the door of his office and gasped, "What the ...!"
Stretched out across his desk was the longest, blackest, shiniest...and sexiest pair of boots he had ever set his eyes on. They had stiletto heels with sharp silver tips to them. There was a slither of white flesh and above that a figure hugging black dress, business like, but barely. It clung to the shapely body of its wearer like fur on a sleek black cat and showed far too much cleavage than was acceptable for County Hall. A female face, with a startling feline aspect to it, stared out through a frame of luxuriant black hair.
"Who are you?" he stuttered, taken aback.
"I'm your new PA, Pussy Perrault."
"Nobody told me about getting a new PA."
"Ah well, that's the problem Dick. You don't mind if I call you Dick?" She continued regardless before Richard could raise any objection, "You see, they keep you in the dark about what goes on here."
Richard muttered to himself; unfortunately, she was right.
"Yes, I know it's a shame, Dick. I can see you're cut out for greater things. You should do something more ambitious. You need to be thinking big, Dick. Think, mayor of London."
"As if..." he laughed.
"No, I'm serious. You just need to escape from this dingy place and find your fortune somewhere else. I mean...
Portfolio Holder for Sustainability and Community Engagement,
tell me Dick, what does it mean?"
Richard bristled with indignation, "It's very important. It's all about delivering sustainable outcomes for the community and..." Richard started to struggle, "and bin collection...well bin collection mainly. But it's very important for our residents."
"No, Dick, you need to get away from here and seek your fortune. Stand as an independent candidate in next year's mayoral elections for London."
Richard laughed, "Come on, you've got to be kidding."
"No Dick, I'm not. I've just crossed your path now and I'm your lucky icon. Stand for mayor and I guarantee, with Pussy behind you, you'll be mayor of London in a year."
"That's impossible. You need a party machine, a campaign team, financial backing, connections and support in high places...it'd cost a fortune."
"Ah, but Dick, the streets of London are lined with gilt edged stocks, high interest bonds and lucrative construction contracts. Just leave it to me...Pussy will fix everything for you," she purred.
***
One resignation letter and a train journey later and Pussy and Dick stood in the arrivals hall of Paddington Station.
Dick stood despondently in the hustle of the crowded railway station. Already the pace and bustle of the city were overwhelming him. He had been brought up in a small rural community. He'd barely travelled outside of Rutshire and had no experience of the city. He was just an impoverished local politician of mediocre talent and average intelligence. What was he doing here?
"This is ridiculous, Pussy. I've no money and no influence. I've no idea where to begin."
"Leave it with me. I have a long list of potential vict...I mean, sponsors. The first thing we need is money and some backing from big business."
"But they're all ruthless people, Pussy. Why are they going to give me donations for a political campaign?"
"Yes, I know, they're all rats," smiled Pussy, "but I'm an expert at trapping rats. It's my forte."