Please do not look on this as anything, but the tongue-in-cheek story that it is. This story is based on a RPG (Role-Playing Game for the uninitiated) called 'Space Quest', by Paul Hume and George Nyhen and produced by Tyr Gamemakers Ltd. I believe I have the only copy that sold. This game system has the best solar system generator that I have ever seen.
My thanks to sweetmirahz for her editing. Voting is mandatory and comments are always appreciated, but please remember I was drunk when I wrote it a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.
"Are you sure? One hundred percent - absolutely positive – no chance of error – sure that there is no one else?"
"Commissioner," admonished a man in a voice tired of belaboring the same fact over and over and over again. "He's the only one available."
"Oh, God, help us," moaned Commissioner Lika Grossgut, as he buried his face in his hands. "You're the Director of Personnel. Promote someone."
Director Tri Piplicate lowered his head and stared at the large, heavy man behind the desk. He then raised his tall, bean-pole frame up to its full height.
"I can't do that," he said. "My predecessor did it and that's how we got the Lieutenant."
Commissioner Grossgut winched at the sound of the rank bestowed upon the object of their conversation. He then sighed in resignation.
"Yea, you're right," he stated as he heaved his butt out of the leather chair. "Your predecessor got his just rewards, though, by going on that mission. God rest his soul."
"…and I'm not about to make the same mistake," added Director Piplicate. His face brightened. "It's unexplored space. You know the odds."
Commissioner Grossgut scowled. "I didn't rise through the ranks of the Consolidated Police Corps by not knowing the odds, but let me ask you, how many dangerous missions have we sent him on?"
"Eighteen," replied Director Piplicate sourly.
"And how many has he survived?"
"All of them."
"And how many were pure, unmitigated disasters?" shouted Commissioner Grossgut, his face turning red.
"Well," stammered Director Piplicate. "He did achieve his mission directives in each one."
"Yes, he did," hissed Grossgut. "At the cost of millions of credits in injury and damage claims AND THAT'S NOT COUNTING THE TWELVE SHIPS HE'S LOST!!!!"
Piplicate winched as the words blared in his ears. He then sighed in resignation.
"He's all we have," he stated again flatly.
"Oh, shit! We're fucked."
"Not necessarily," counter Piplicate. "As I said, it is unexplored territory. No treaties or commitments if things go wrong. If he destroys his ship out there, we may never hear from him again."
"Those words are going to come back to haunt you," said Grossgut, moving around from behind his desk. "We might as well get this over with." He headed towards the door.
"Oh, congratulations on the commendation award from the Merkoku," said Piplicate. "Considering how anal-retentive the cat people are, I was surprised that the neat freaks gave us one."
"I know," replied Grossgut. "I was shocked to get it. I gave it to my secretary, Miss Teaser, to get air-sealed and framed. I have an appointment wit the Merkoku ambassador next week. I want to show it to him in its pristine condition." Grossgut opened the door out of his office. "Ima, would you contact Lieutenant…"
Grossgut's words cut off abruptly at the scene inside his secretary's office. His very buxom secretary was sitting straddle-legged across the lap of an officer sitting on a bench. Her huge tits had him pinned to the back of the bench as her hands tried to undo his uniform.
"Please, Miss Teaser," pleaded the officer as he attempted to thwart her roaming hands. "I know you have been under a lot of stress, but you have to control yourself."
"C'mon, honey," cooed the blue-eyed blond as her hands reached down between his legs. "Let's see your fuck stick. I wanna suck every drop of cream out of it…feel it stuffed into my hot, wet cunt. C'mon, Gutsy will never know."
"What's going on here?" yelled Grossgut angrily.
The lieutenant snapped to attention. Unfortunately, Ima was still sitting on his lap when he jumped up. With a shriek, she went flying up in the air until her well-rounded ass crashed back down on top of her desk. Computer ships, datapads, and other odds and ends flew this way and that as she slid across the top. Her coffee cup flew up when she had hit the desk and everyone froze in horror as the hot brown liquid splashed everywhere.
The lieutenant was the first to react. He grabbed a large piece of parchment off a nearby table and began mopping up the spilt coffee. Teaser had slid backwards off the desk and was now wedged between it and the wall with her legs stuck up in the air. Her cries for help were completely muffled by her breasts pressing down on her face. Her arms thrashed about wildly as her skin color went from red to blue.
As the lieutenant continued to mop up the coffee, Grossgut and Piplicate rushed over to help Ima to keep her from suffocating. They could not get her up as wedged in as she was and the lieutenant then noticed their plight. With a quick yank, he pulled the desk backwards at the same time Grossgut and Piplicate yanked on her arms.
The bad thing was that Piplicate was braced against the desk for leverage. With his support gone, he tumbled backwards pulling Teaser and Grossgut with him. The lieutenant made a grab for Ima, but only succeeded in ripping her dress completely off her.
Piplicate crashed to the floor. Ima Teaser, now dressed only in her panties, fell on top of him with Grossgut on top of her. The lieutenant was stretched across the desk holding onto the ripped dress. It was just then that the outer doors opened.
"I assure you, Senator, that the Commissioner is the soul of Tact and discretion," said Consolidated Planets President Indy Cisive to another man. "I'm sure you can rely on him to help you with your problem without any public relations embarrassment."
The two men stopped dead in their tracks. What they saw was an office in complete disarray, an almost naked girl sandwiched between the Personnel Director and the Commissioner, and a lieutenant standing against the wall acting like a coat rack with a torn dress in his hand. The senator turned white as a ghost and bolted down the hallway. President Cisive leered at Ima, glared at the Commissioner and then sighed when he looked over and recognized the lieutenant.
"You have an hour to get him off the planet, Commissioner," he said as he walked out of the office.
Ima squirmed out from between the two men, snatched her dress out of the lieutenant's hand, and ran down the hall to the ladies room with her breasts bouncing.
"You…You…" stammered Grossgut, his face turning beet red as he stood and faced the lieutenant.
"Lieutenant Lance Atwat," intoned the lieutenant, snapping to attention and rending a crisp salute to the Commissioner. He handed the Commissioner the soggy parchment which Grossgut immediately recognized as his award from the Merkoku. "Reporting for duty!"