Ordering Body Parts

How do authors come up with the descriptions of characters in their stories? How are those images in their mind changed from the mental ethos of the author to actual existence on paper? Through the parts department, of course. As part of discovery in the case of Spill My Guts, author, vs. Anonymous this internal memo was produced.

FROM: Head of Body Parts Division

TO: Authors

RE: Anatomical Orders

Upper management is pissed. As "pissed" runs downhill, I'm passing it on. We have received a rash of stories using rogue anatomical body parts. As you are aware, the body parts you use, or describe in your stories must be supplied by us. Think of it as an erotic Mr. Potato Head as you are building your characters.

The exclusive use of our parts is spelled out in the fine print of the sign-up agreement. Had you taken the time to enlarge the dot in the first "i" in your sign-up agreement, you would have found that it clearly states that the parts must come from us. Had you enlarged the period at the end of the first sentence, you would have found that if you use rogue body parts, your story will never be rated above a 1.5 even if you are Ernest Fucking Hemingway. Finally, if you enlarged the last period, you would have found that... LOL! I'm just shitting you. I think it says. something about permanent erectile disfunction. I've never read it.

As I'm sure your aware, we receive orders mostly for dicks, pussies, boobs, arms, legs, necks, torsos, faces, eyes, butts, and assholes. Balls and ball sacks come as 1 unit. We also get requests for peripherals such as tongues, fingers, lips, hair, and the occasional toe. Be specific in your requests.

Parts are kept in bins in a large warehouse. (Assholes are stored outside for obvious reasons.) Parts are sorted by size, color, shape, and in the case of dicks, whether they are cut or not.

Note: 44DDD breasts and 12+ inch cocks are currently on back order. There was recently a run on these items. We think that this is because college is now in session and the 18-year-old virgin freshmen tend to get carried away.

Most of the pussies are kept in a moist fog room at 100% humidity and 99.6 Degrees F. (That was my idea and earned me a promotion.) We do keep some pussies in an arid environment in case you want one that's dried out and shriveled up. Sizes are limited.

The Cum Drums, (as we call them,) hold hundreds of gallons. For obvious reasons, cum requests must be submitted on Form 23BP. complete line 12-15 which states what sex and consistency you want. Everything from watery to dried cum. If color is important, WRITE IT DOWN! Here again, RF23BP line 12 is your friend. We apologize for the unfortunate accident where the half-filled female cum drum was topped off with male ejaculate. We started a new drum for female cum. Our mistake is your gain. We are now offering premixed cum for your post coitus secretions. Don't overorder, a cup of cum goes a long way and any extra can't be returned. Dispose of the excess properly. (It tastes better warmed.)

We are understaffed. During the Christmas rush, we tried to recruit hands and arms from our peripherals bins to help fill orders, but it was a disaster. It turns out they didn't know dick. Well, it turned out about all they know is dick. I appreciate your understanding if your dick(s) was received chafed and, in some cases, in a completely spent condition.

You can order using Requestion Form 23BP or the Vulcan Mind Meld Delivery System (You think it, you got it.) 23BP must be submitted in duplicate and takes a 2-day turnaround. It seems to be popular with the revenge crowd who are understandably untrusting and want a paper trail. If you are in a hurry, or want instant delivery, please use the Vulkan Mind Meld Delivery System.

If you are using the Vulcan Mind Meld delivery system, we suggest you also fill out 23BP before you submit your order. Don't daydream when you order. Recently an author in Fresno, California was delivered two thousand 8" dicks instead of just two. Fortunately, there was only minor structural damage to her house and her cat has recovered. One can only imagine what would have happened had she been writing at work. (So now you know the origin of the "Golden Prick, My Ass" joke.)

And for the last Goddamn time, dildos are stored in the BDSM warehouses. PLEASE request them on form 23BDSM. Ordering them on form 23BP will only delay delivery.

If you have questions, please contact us. Remember, we are here to help, not judge. (Yeah, right.)

Happy writing to you all.