Opening Lecture

Dear Class,

Rarely does anyone achieve 100% credit for an answer to one of my questions, but I assure you it is possible. There is only one right answer to any and all of my questions and if you are diligent in your research and give me the right answer you may receive an A+ for your final grade.

Take your pick of assignments.

You may choose to research the term "Hysteria." How it came to be used in contemporary psychology: the origin, the historical development, the contexts' of use, and how it is applied to clients in Jungian analytic psychology, today. It's hysterical I assure you.

You may choose to answer any one of the following questions within the context of which they are asked.

Healing prescriptions and paths to mental development can be found in movies, music, art, literature, nature, comedy shows on TV, and for a laugh politics. From time to time, to achieve emotional and physical well-being, a client may need to take a break from their make-believe factual life defined by the adherence to the lies they present to the world as truth.

Clients may need a reminder of the illusions about life mirrored in a work of imagination: a fiction that reflects truth. This taking a break from reality, can be simply: seeing a movie that opens the imagination; hearing music that inspires; seeing an artist capture a moment in a painting; reading about a great tragedy or even a greater love; feeling the gentle touch of an ocean breeze; smelling the scent emanating from a flower garden sans the manure; or tasting the sweetness of ice cream after a month of dieting.

Now you may argue that this is simply a diabolical scheme, on my part, to confuse you with using fiction in place of non-fiction or an attempt to replace illusion with reality and screwing your client up even worse than they have already have been screwed up and has nothing whatsoever to do with the term hysteria. Anything is probable.

When you eventually become a highly trained and professional psychologist as appears before you at this very lectern today, I am talking about me, you have to identify the issues, the probable responses of your client to come to term with those issues, and the societal responses towards your client's behavior.

Understand that as one of my students you must have clarity of your own language issues, violence issues, political issues, religious issues, racial issues, legal issues, physically-challenged issues, dry cleaning issues, and admit that sometimes you not only have issues but, trouble with historical accuracy. More importantly - in psychology, in abnormal psychology, and especially in this class you must have a clear understanding of your own views regarding sexual issues and the proper decorum of student with teacher.

Let's take as examples a typical psychological view of some average screwed up people within the constructs of American society.

First Context and Question: Only one President got caught with his pants down while receiving oral sex from an intern in the oval office while deciding to bomb a dry cleaning plant in Libya, compare religious or sexual notes with a certain well-known philandering Reverend, forget to tell his girlfriend to dry-clean her blue dress, define for the world what is, is - and has the whole nation drop their pants, bend over, and give him a standing ovation for his efforts.

What makes me giggle, is that people are offended by the use of foul language, religious and political incorrectness, or sexual imagery, when they are less offended by the violence and truth of what happens in daily life. The term Hysteria literally means "emanating from the womb." What advice would you give our current Secretary of State if she were your client? If your answer is for her to get her own intern you receive a 50% credit on your answer.

Second Question and context: A psychology professor, in a post graduate course no less, said the following: "In the final analysis, all behavior is chemical." That's it. Except for Chemistry majors we can all go home now. I wish someone had told that to me in kindergarten. I could have avoided all the home work and final exams. Furthermore, thank God, thank Freud, thank Socrates, thank Obama, thank both Houses of Congress, and thank Wall Street for Dow Chemical; for a moment there, I thought we were in trouble. Therefore you may ask if all behavior is chemical and hysteria emanates from the womb, can men, such as myself, be diagnosed with hysteria? If your answer is to take a Viagra and go to bed you receive a 50% credit on your answer.

Third question and context: I am a romantic at heart, I love my students, so no offense to any visual or performing arts majors out there when I say my favorite, most important, most pivotal, most beloved, most character-character, of all time is Lt. Dan's fiancée in the movie Forrest Gump. If I remember correctly, and I refuse to do even the simplest of research, she says two words, has a five second close-up, and ten seconds of screen time. Think about her character within the context of the story and if you are a romantic at heart, I meant to say I love all my female students, no offense to you fellows, you will know that she is the epitome, the personification, the embodiment, the quintessential symbol of love and redemption. What answer does her character provide to the problem of hysteria? If your answer is she is willing to go to bed with a one-legged man with two alloy legs you receive a 50% credit on your answer.

Good luck on your research, welcome to my class, and I assure you if you pass my class which few do, you will know all about what abnormal is and a wee-bit about psychology as well.

Before class is dismissed does anyone have any questions?

One beautifully gorgeous blonde freshman co-ed with the face of an angel, the body of a Goddess, and the brain of an Einstein raises her hand and inquires: if during my research I become your intern, keep you supplied with Viagra, part my lips open my mouth swallow you're manhood up, lie down spread my legs apart while taking your middle leg into the warm core of my wet desire up to the hilt, and pay my own dry-cleaning bills - do I receive a 100% credit on my answer, which is SEX?

My first A+ student. Class dismissed.