A Pornographers Apocalypse

[Inspired by and dedicated to a very lovely Swedish woman

The screenplay was submitted separately]

Director's Diary 12.1.2011:

We're waiting for Moi and Soi to get here, they're the asian ladyboys we've booked to play Toi and Noi. From their pictures they seem super hot and I think we'll get a boxcover that people will love. I picture Soi sucking off Moi and spreading her asscheeks for the camera. Little do they know that instead of smut they are buying my modernist existential masterpiece parody! Muahhahahhaaa. Muahhahahah.

***

"Sir, Moi and Soi just arrived. Where should I bring them?"

"Here of course, I want to meet them"

Moi and Soi walk into my office from the reception area dressed like the ladyboy hookers they are.

"Pleased to meet, Sir" Moi says. "We her so much about your movie."

"Please. please call me....err what should they call me" I ask my trusty assistant Sylvia.

"Sir?"

"Yes, please call me ...err... Please sit down."

Soi and Moi sit in the chairs on the other side of my desk and preen themselves as true ladyboys are wont to do.

"Can I offer you...well first how would you like to be called," I ask.

"Tell me I'm lust whore-girl," Soi says confidently.

"I mean, what are your names...err...nevermind..." I mutter, "So have you memorized your lines?"

"Lines?" asks Moi incredulously.

"You know the script...," I reply.

"Script?" says Moi.

"Sylvia?," I ask authoritatively.

"It wasn't me, Sir!" Sylvia says with a look of genuine shock on her face.

Director's Diary 13.1.2011:

We're waiting to hear back from the script editors on their approval of the script. So far it has been met with rejection and misunderstanding. Modernist erotica is dead before it has begun. Sigh. Ah well, I will post it to literotica so that it can be read, on the suggestion of a dear friend.

The actresses are here, and we just need Ron Jeremy who plays Marlan Bondo. I hope he learned his lines!

It is already day 2 of the shoot and we're already 2 days behind. We've budgeted enough for only 3 days. I've decided to film the sex scenes separately now that our Toi and Noi are here. I think I want Moi to get a boner when she says: "It exposes the emptiness of modern life. We are all just apparitions, dark specks in the distance on the Mongolian steppe." And then I want her to butter Soi's bunghole with her finger.

Moi's diary 13.1.2011:

This director I think is a little strange. Where is the sex? I came here to make a porno. But I'm somehow stuck in this theatre piece that makes no sense. Forgive me while I jerk off and splatter cum all over the script.

Soi's diary 13.1.2011:

This shit is fucked up. Fuck this shit. I'm going to see if the director will suck me off.

"Is director in," Soi asks my assistant Sylvia in the reception area.

"He's in a meeting," Sylvia says reliably.

"What kind meeting?" Soi asks Syliva.

"You can't go in," Sylvia.

"I need my cock suck." Soi says.

Sylvia buzzes me. "Sir, Soi is here. He says he needs his cock sucked."

"I'm busy Sylvia. Can you take care of it?" I say absent-mindedly.

"With pleasure, Sir!"

I lean back in my plush leather chair in my air-conditioned office in a skyscraper overlooking Bangkok, and put my feet up on my desk. I dream of the revenue that this title will rake in, as well as the stealth way I will have my modernist masterpiece made. I'm startled back to reality by my phone ringing.

"Hi, this is Ron Jeremy," a most welcome caller.

"Ron, baby, where are you!" I am overjoyed. Now the filming can proceed.

"I'm at the airport," Ron tells me.

"Wait right there. I'll send my assistant to pick you up."

"Sylvia" I buzz her. "Mmmghhhmm," she replies.

"Ron Jeremy is at the airport"

"mmmmghh" Syliva replies. "Ohhh ohhh," I hear Soi exclaim with exquisite pleasure over the intercom.

***

Director's diary 14.1.2011: we are off the coast of Koh Samui...the location for the first part of our shoot. We are on a barge which will be the location for most of the movie. I see schools of fish swimming in the clear water. I try to think of how to incorporate the fish as characters. Soi and Moi are naked except for their thigh-high boots and fellating each other vigorously. Sylvia is in a bikini. I never realized just how hot she was. I make a mental note to use her in my film. Ron Jeremy is lounging in a Hawaiian shirt, sipping a most elaborate cocktail. I put on my sunglasses and hat, and we are ready to roll.

This is it. The make or break day.

***

"Sylvia," I ask, "Do you have the cue cards."

"Yes, Sir!"

"Good. Let's get everyone into position" I say.

Sylvia walks over to where Soi is sucking off Moi, and taps her on the shoulder. Soi grabs Sylvia and pulls her down and guides Moi's cock into her mouth and fondles her tits over her bikini.

I take out my director's bullhorn, and yell to Soi that we need to get started. She doesn't understand. I focus the camera on them. "This will make for a great trailer," I think.

Sylvia is lustily sucking Moi and Soi gets behind her and parts her bikini off to the side, first eating her out, before fucking her pussy. I get closeups of Soi's penetration of Sylvia, Sylvia's mouth on Moi, and expressions on all of their faces with Koh Samui in the background.

"What do you want me to do," Ron asks me cocktail in hand.

"You're good Ron, just enjoy" I smile at him.

"Sure," he says, "this is like a vacation."

Unexpectedly, Soi pulls out of Sylvia and Soi and Moi both spray her face down with cum, while Sylvia attempts to suck them dry. I clamber to get into position to film "the money shot." Then Moi and Soi kneel down start licking each other's jizz off her face and kissing Sylvia with mouthfuls of their jizz. Sylvia seems so grateful, bless her sweet heart!

I think about how we will dub the script in later.

Sylvia's Diary 14.1.2011

I can't believe what just happened. It must have been the cocktails and the intoxicating sea, sand and sun. I am good assistant! I swear. I hope the director isn't too mad at me. We are already out of time and over budget.

***

Director's diary 15.1.2011, Montmartre, Paris.

Now we are three days behind, and our budget is gone. I don't know how we are going to get back to Thailand with all our gear. I just hope that this sells well, otherwise we are stuck in Paris for the winter, drinking expresso and wearing berets, instead of making porn on the pristine coasts of Thailand.

Everyone is jetlagged and wandering the streets in the middle of the night. This is the perfect setting and mood for the film proper.

***

We are somewhere in the Quartier Latin after a night of drunken carousing. No one can sleep.

Soi: "I can't go on."

Moi: "You must go on."

"Cut! Perfect!" I yell out through my bull horn.

Soi: "I can't go on."

Moi: "We must go on!"

They go ahead with the play without me leaving me speechless. It is as if they were living their roles.

Sylvia's diary 15.1.2011:

I have never fucked so many shemales in my life! The orgasms, the orgasms.

***

Director's diary 16.1.2011:

The sound guy arrived from Lyon to put the finishing touches on the dubbing. Due to French law, we dubbed in the mandatory fake moans from women who weren't even there. He feels very optimistic about it. We've changed our working title to "Cum Loving Shemale Hookers Part Deux," because the sponsors thought it would sell better that way, and the French title to "Les Tres Jolie Salopes Trans partie Deux." I have no idea what the first part was supposed to be. Everyone loves the trailer.

"Sir, it's Jean-Pierre Toulouse Beckett on the line for you," Sylvia buzzed me from my office attached to my suite. Jean-Pierre is the leading critic of X-rated movies on the French internet.

I pick up, "Ah, Jean-Pierre, comment ca va?"

"What is this merde!?" He yells at me. "How dare you parody our French theater in your peasant film X!"

"My peasant film X!?" I think, laughing inwardly at the malapropism. Some days you just feel like the world doesn't understand.

Moi's diary 16.1.2011

I am really glad I had a chance to work with this director and make this film. I was expecting it to be very boring, but I really like Paris. So many friendly men to show me around!

***

Director's diary 19.2.2011

The film was an unexpected commercial success in the French market. No one even noticed it was supposed to be an erotic parody of modernist theater. Already, pirated versions of scenes are showing up on the internet on porn clip sites. My work is done. We fly back to Thailand tomorrow for my 90 part epic "NOT Historical Asian Television Drama XXX: the hormonally-challenged Eunuch."

And, unexpectedly Sylvia and Soi became a couple. Ah, Paris. *sigh*