Welcome to the erotica blunders of a virgin.
These are NOT excerpts from longer pieces. So grab a beer or a glass of wine, make yourself comfortable and enjoy the laughter.
Straight from the pages of the red notebook that I still deny exists; here are two tales from the bad side of erotica and murderers of the English language in general.
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One: A Favor
They walked slowly across the desert plain, holding hands with a silent passion.
Wonder what kind of stride that would be.
She stopped suddenly and turned to face him. Her hands went gently to his shoulders.
"A favor?" she asked.
He took both her hands in his. "Anything," he sighed.
"Before you go could you... I mean would you make love to me?" Where had she gotten the courage to ask?
"You silly girl," he said. "If you'd waited another minute I would have asked you for that honor."
He removed his shirt and spread it out on the fragrant grass.
Whoa! What kind of grass grows on the "desert plain?"
When he stood again, his lips claimed hers, becoming more and more demanding with every kiss. Little moaning sounds deep within her. He took her breath away and gave it back, breathing hotly through her entire body, his tongue playfully teasing hers.
Is he performing CPR?
They lowered themselves to the ground crushing the greenest of grasses beneath them. His large hands fumbled frantically at the buttons of her blouse. She'd known he'd wanted her, but she had no idea how much until now.
She ran her fingers through his hair and down his back. His muscles twitched erotically as her fingers caressed their way to the zipper of his jeans. She gingerly pulled down the zipper and slipped her small hand inside his underpants. His phallus was growing with his eagerness.
Down his back to his zipper? Maybe she should be wondering why his pants are on backwards.
She helped him writhe out of his clothes and quickly shed her own. She forced him to lay down and straddled his pulsating body. His naked skin felt so good against hers.
She nibbled his collarbone ravenously, then kissed his mouth skillfully using her tongue and lips on his ears and neck, moving down across his chest and belly, lightly flicking her tongue in quick butterfly strokes against his groin and penis, then each leg, down to his toe, slowly licking each toe, watching his erection grow.
*Inhales deeply* Loooong sentence.
After a while, her tongue began to work its way back up his body, moving slowly, expertly finding all the erotic crevives and sensitive areas, and exploring them.
He caught her by the waist and they rolled, so he was on top of her. He cupped the swollen mounds of her breasts. He kissed her eyes, her nose, her ears, then ran his tongue down her throat to capture a budding nipple. She arched up in an instinctive plea for fulfillment.
His hands danced past her waist, between her thighs and to the dampness there. His sweet mouth followed his hands and his tongue replaced his fingers, probing the tender depths there, relishing her precious juices.
Dancing fingers? Lord of the Fingerdance!
