On the Job at Blaster Vacuum

Attorney - Well, Mr. Sillot, you've really put your nose in it this time.

Randy - Just call me Randy.

Attorney- Is that your name or a description of your predatory nature?

Randy - Wow, Councilor, you need to get a little perspective here.

Let me tell you what happened; it's not at all what you are thinking.

Attorney - That's fair enough. Go for it.

Randy- I started work at Blaster Vacuum Cleaners three years ago here in Bloomington. I am the CEO: Head honcho, the plant manager. A head hunter recruited me out of Cleveland. I had worked for Kodak in Buffalo until the film industry literally hit the can. I taught management at the U of Colorado for the years in between. I'd written 'Turning a Business Around,' a best seller in its category, and the 'Pick of the Month' in Business Week.

So there I was, breathing in the fresh cool air of mountain-high Denver? And I had a roster of eager students.

Attorney - Let me interrupt for a moment. Did you have any sexual liaisons with students there?

Randy - What does that have to do with anything?

Attorney - It shows a pattern of behavior.

Randy- Not really, just an occasional blow job from any female who was on the line between passing and failing.

Attorney - I figured. Go on with your story.

Randy - Where the fuck was I?

Attorney - There is no need for profanity.

Randy - Who the fuck are you, Little Lord Fauntleroy?

Attorney - Who I am is not the issue, and it's who you are that we are discussing.

Randy - OK, sorry about that. You watch college basketball?

Attorney - No

Randy - Well, then you've never seen a Denver cheerleader, blond blue-eyed, down on her knees with her mouth opened and her hand unzipping your pants.

Attorney - No, never

Randy - Jeez, I'm sorry for you. Are you gay?

Attorney - Please get back to your explanation Mr. Smellit.

Randy - Yeah, sorry about that, getting personal, I mean. I have nothing against faggots. Hell, my brother-in-law's best friend died of Aids back when we were in college. And my name is Sillot, not Smellit.

Attorney - Please, sir

Randy - Said he caught it from a toilet...

Attorney - Sir! Mr. Sillot, or Smellit, whatever!

Randy - Ok, let me start again. OK?

Attorney - Please continue.

Randy - Did you just say cunt? Oh, just kidding.

So I got the job at the Vacuum Plant. The place needed a turnaround, and I was the guy to do it. It turns out the son of the previous manager was stealing vacuums and selling them on the internet to finance his drug habit. Out the door, he went. Never did get him to return the units stolen, but the owner, Mr. Blackmun, told me to cool it to avoid a scandal.

I spent a good deal of time working alongside the assemblers on the floor. We imported most of the shit from China, and we just had to assemble it. It's cheaper that way, in parts, it lowers the import tax.

I got this idea of opening a selling point at the factory. There was a storage space with an outside entry, and I got that fixed up with a nice sign and all three models on display. But I needed a salesperson. Right?

Attorney - I guess so.

Randy - That's when I started interviewing people that showed up from the internet job placement outfit. There were about seven people before her but when Paola walked into the interview, contest over!

I know you don't dig bitches, but this broad was sex with a capital S. I would've bought all three models from her and paid double, and that was before the interview.

I'm not too fond of big fat chicks, but Paola was one of a kind. Big tits like honeydew melons and not hanging low. Her sweater was always unbuttoned to show a few inches of cleavage.

Of course, the sweater was short, and when she turned, the red thong strap was visible when the sweater lifted. I didn't know thongs came in those large sizes. Great set of games for a broad her size. Did I say how tall she was with the heels on? No, well, close to six feet, she had a few inches on me. A pretty face without a wrinkle and perfect white teeth. And long blond hair that fell over her chest and framed those big bazzukas of hers.

Lips, red and rosy, and pink cheeks. And that voice, so smooth, soft, and sexy as her eyes rolled up like a cuckoo clock.

I pushed the papers in front of her and told her to fill out the application.

"You are hired."

Then I asked, "Not that it matters but are you married? Any boyfriends?

"No."

"That's good."

I figured I had a clear playing field. I thought she was a little chunky, and maybe it turned off the young guys. But I thought it would be a thrill to feel those oversized torpedo tits flopping over my shoulders.

She started work on Monday, and everything was going well. By Friday, I'd gotten to second base.

Attorney - Translate, and what happened to first base?

Randy - Kissing, who cares.

Attorney - I get it.

Randy - Where have you been all your life? The second base is the tits

Not yet under her bra, but it was feeling good, and as she got used to me rubbing her nips, it was an easy ride to 'BT.'

Attorney - Which is?

Randy - Bare Tit, Duffus.

By the end of the second week, I'd gotten her nips in my mouth.

By the middle of the third week, I'd gotten my hand in her panties, feeling her ass. By week four, I hit the payload. Third base, a finger in her wet pussy.

Attorney - You are disgusting.

Randy - Anyway, after about six weeks, I followed her into the unisex bathroom, and as she leaned forward to wash her hands, I grabbed her tight shorts and pulled them down, panties included, and shoved my beanstalk up her virgin river. What a glorious finally! That ripe cunt was like a mouth. It was so tight, and keep in mind; she was a big girl. You don't expect a woman that large to have a slit that tight, but she did. And it gnawed at my knob like a monkey eating a banana. After that virgin entry, my dick was so red that I thought it was an alien encounter of the third kind. It was like she sucked the juice right out of the spigot.

Attorney - That's enough. Please stop talking.

Randy - Sure, hope I didn't give you a boner?

Attorney - Now Miss Sligerhiney, in her declaration, says from the day you hired her, you sexually harassed her in the workplace.

Randy - Well, that's not entirely true. I boffed her in the parking lot inside our delivery van a few times.

Attorney - The same thing.

Randy - Yeah, I guess, but she was the sexiest thing I'd ever laid eyes on. Look, she'd come in here with some foreign perfume, and I swear it smelled just like cunt. What was I to do? I wasn't responsible for my actions, the way she looked, the way she smelled, that habit she had of adjusting her bra strap and then showing off her cleavage, shit you got this whole thing backward. And the sexy messages she'd text me on the phone.

Attorney - Do you still have them?

Randy - Of course not. If my wife saw them, she'd divorce me.

Attorney - Well, there is little left for you to do. Blaster Vacume Inc. will agree to pay her the $200,000 her side is asking for, and you'll have to resign and sign a letter of admission and apology.

Why do you think she soured on you? Lots of these elicit romances go on for years.

Randy - I guess it's because I forgot to bring her flowers on Valentine's Day. And then she caught me in the closet with that new Chinese girl I'd hired. What a piece of ass!