"HEY ASSHOLE, wake up. Yeah I'm talking to you, open your eyes."
What, huh, just who is talking to me so early in the morning?
"OK, OK I'm awake, what do you want?"
Better question is who you are as I look around my bedroom there is nobody here. Then I hear him again and it sounds as if he is under the covers. I throw back my blanket to see my penis staring at me.
"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me Penis that sounds like somebody who hangs around with Butthead. My name is Cock, you got that, or I'll accept prick or maybe Dick but no matter what that girl downstairs says you cannot ever call me MR. Winky."
"Hey buddy, you belong to me and I can call you anything I want to, understand."
"You think so? Well how about a nice UTI to show you who's the boss, or maybe no erection for the next six months. Then we'll see who's running the show here."
"I think we're getting off track here, the real question is why after all these years you now decide to talk to me?"
"After what happened last night, it's obvious to me that you're no longer capable of making intelligent decisions. Just what the hell were you thinking, you had that girl almost begging for me, and then you leave her there in the bar for some other prick."
"Who are you talking about; wait a minute you mean that fat girl with the cross eyes and hump?"
"And just how many other beauties did you have begging to go to bed with you last night?"
"Hey, there's no way I would have taken her home, she's not my type."
"Sure I understand, she's not your type, so instead of a sure thing you come home and rough me up with that hairy palm of yours. I don't mind you abusing me when you're too stupid to score but you had that chick in the bag and you let her get away."
"Hey cut me some slack here, I have standards you know, and I don't just fuck anything in a skirt."
"Hello, do you remember who you're talking to, I've been occupied with every piece of ass you've ever had so don't talk to me about standards."
"No, you're right, it's just I'm maturing now and I think I should be more selective with who I become involved with."
"Look pal I'm not talking about getting married, just getting laid."
I knew my cock was right and that I've been going through a dry spell. It was just after Lucy broke up with me it sort of shook my confidence.
"Don't blame me for that fuck-up; I performed my part with flying colors. You're the one that started with the sex games. Just tell me why you had to ask her to tie you up and make you call her Mommy?"
"No you're right I don't know what came over me, it was at the time I thought it would turn her on."
"Well if people are going to call me the little head, they should be calling you the empty head. OK, maybe I'm being too rough on you, but hey, I'm getting horny down here. I'll tell you what, just let me do the thinking for the rest of the weekend, and then Monday I'll let you decide who should run our life."