My Daughter the Fooler

I remember seeing a story along these lines some 50 years ago in the local paper.

I have added to it, fleshed it out and made it into, I hope, a readable yarn.

Comments welcome.

*

The first time I met Marion Angie Ball was the first day of the second week of the third term of the fourth year of our university courses, she was studying a Bachelor of Laws with a major in Corporate Law, and me doing a Bachelor of Accounting majoring in Forensic Auditing. We dated and on our fifth date, we agreed to be exclusive, and on the sixth date we kissed as two lovers would kiss.

By the way, my name is Bob, not Robert - that was reserved for my mother's use, and only when I was in trouble.

Somehow we had both survived six years of high school and nearly 4 years of university as virgins, however on the seventh date we decided we would both go away for the 3 day weekend that was coming up, so we both informed her parents and my parents of our plans and although Marion's dad was somewhat dubious about what would happen, gave us both his blessing, after all, we were both 22 years old and I guess he couldn't really hold us back from what we had planned.

Her father took me by the elbow and led me outside where he then asked the one question that seems to strike the greatest fear in any would be suitor for his little princesses' affections, "Are your intentions honourable?"

I stammered and stuttered finally managing to get the words out, "Sir, can I have your permission to ask Marion to marry me? I would like to ask her this weekend while we are away."

"Well now," he looked at me with something between curiosity and amusement, and then replied, "Well, it's not exactly what I thought you would say, and it seems a mite soon after all you've only been going out a few weeks haven't you?"

"Aahh yes Sir, that's right."

He looked into the distance and quietly spoke to me, "I knew Marion's mother for three weeks when I asked her to marry me, mind I suppose we had to be somewhat quicker than most because I was heading off to Vietnam with the army, and I realised that if I didn't get in first, by the time I got back - assuming I did of course, I would have lost her to some other stay at home Lothario. I am so glad she said 'Yes' because here we are today, and none of this might be happening if I hadn't asked.

"Yes, son, you have my permission, and blessing, but I will tell you this. If you hurt my little girl in any way, well... I'm sure you get my drift."

"I will never hurt Marion, ever, you have my word, and if I do, well I won't expect to be found, in fact I'm not sure I'd want to be."

Marion and her mother appeared just as I closed my mouth and took a huge relieving breath of air, "Thank you Sir, I hope you know what this means to me."

"What does what mean to you Bob," Marion asked?

I looked at Marion and her mother, and with the smallest of a relieved grin, said "It's okay, I'll tell you later."

My parents were excited for us, not because we were going off for a naughty weekend as my mother pointed out, nudge, nudge, wink, wink, as she dug her elbow into my ribs, but the fact it seemed at last that I had met the woman of my dreams and was going to take unto myself a wife, with all that that entailed. All this was said with a grin a mile wide. Dad on the other hand, although pleased, was I suspect more in tune with the idea that I would be leaving home soon, and he and Mum could hook up the caravan and do some serious 'grey nomading' around Australia.

I had worked steadily since I was 14 years of age after school and on weekends and saved nearly every penny. I didn't have a car because my commute to school, and later uni, wasn't that far, in distance or time, and Marion lived two streets away from the place, so walking to and from was no problem for her either. One thing that did strike me as odd was the fact we had lived that close to each other but hadn't met until we were in uni.

"Oh, well that could be because we didn't move here until I started semester 2 this year," she explained.

Thank heavens I thought, I could have wasted the last 7 years of my life, and of course I had, but at least Marion wasn't around to have wasted those years without her.

Mum and Dad had a small runabout Mazda 3 - 5 door hatch that was used for shopping, local trips and so on, but otherwise sat in the garage unused.

"Take the Mazda" announced Dad, "It'll be big enough for the luggage you'll need to take, and it runs on the smell of an oily rag, so it won't cost a fortune in fuel, will it."

I did take the little car to uni one day because I needed to get some shopping of my own done before we went away. I left after my last lecture ended at 1.00 pm and drove to the large shopping centre close by. I parked and roamed about until I found the shops I needed, made my purchases, escaped to the car, and drove home.

Marion and I had both agreed we would stay at the beautiful Caves House, conveniently located near the caves for which the area was renowned and which we both had wanted to explore, and also the beach where we could relax on the sand and do some sunbaking.

We left Marion's place just after 8.00am and headed off. On the way we chatted about anything and everything but with no real subject matter in mind until she whispered, "Bobby, have you worked out how the numbers seemed to play such an important part of our past?"

Bobby, she called me Bobby, where she had only ever called me Bob. I glanced at her and whispered back, "You called me Bobby, you've never done that before. Not that I mind, but you'll be the only one who gets to use that name you know."

"I know, please don't be upset, but that is my special name for you when we are together - not with anyone else, just you."

"No, my love, I don't mind, but I need to have my own special name for you as well."

"Bobby, the numbers thing, have you worked it out? It wasn't planned, and there is no hidden agenda. You know Ming Lee, she's right into the number's thing, I swear if the numbers don't fall the right way, she keeps right away from whatever she's trying to work out. I really pity any boy who tries to date her, she works out everything there is to know about them in numbers before she will even go out with them. Have you thought about the numbers and how they just followed this pattern when we met and started going out? It's strange, odd, and I don't even know how it all happened, but I'm so glad that we met and, well, here we are, our first real time together separate to our families."

Marion grabbed my hand and pulled it to her breast and held it there as we drove closer to our weekend destiny. "I'm just glad that you and I didn't do any of that, heavens we may not even be here if I'd have listened to what she was saying."

I knew Ming Lee, one of the prettiest Asian girls I had ever met, but I wasn't drawn to her in the way that two people attracted to each other might be. Lovely girl and a good friend, just no spark on my part.

My left hand on Marion's breast was disconcerting, to say the least. I was trying to concentrate on my driving, but I think 80% of my brain was registered to the fact that my left hand was caressing her right breast, all by touch because I had my eyes firmly on the road ahead. I wasn't game to look at her or where my hand was.

The weekend proved to be exactly what I had hoped it would be but didn't really think it would end up. That first night, we gave each other our virginities and loved each other all the more because of it. The next morning, we made love again, bringing each other to mutually satisfying climaxes, before we decided a shower and breakfast was required.

I gathered a blanket from the car, and we walked to a small café - breakfast bar. While we ate our breakfast, the lady owner made us some lunch and I got some cold drinks which were put in our thermal lunch bag. We strolled along the path to the caves and descended into the depths of the ground. After storing our belongings in the small locker provided for cave explorers, we followed the guide into the depths.

Two hours later we were at the entrance again, blinking the bright light of day from our eyes. With our lunch and blanket returned to us, we walked to the beach and found a quiet spot with only a few people about, and oddly, there were no children there at all. In light of the next few minutes, it was just as well.

Marion removed her jeans and blouse saying she was going a for quick swim before we had lunch. The miniscule bathing set she had on she may as well not have been wearing. The triangles seemed to cover only her nipples, while the bottom piece only managed to cover her lower anatomy, just. I couldn't take my eyes from her and sat there open mouthed as she paraded her way to the water, looking over her shoulder at me as she went.

I stripped off to my bathers in no time flat and raced to the water just as she got her feet wet. "You can't be serious," I uttered, "You may as well not be wearing anything."

She giggled, "There's just enough to cover the important bits, and if you play your cards right, you'll be the only man who'll see what's covered by this ensemble."

We both dived in, and I surfaced exactly in the right place to capture her in my arms. We kissed and I held her tight as we both bounced to avoid being swamped by the waves as they broke for the shore. As it happened, the triangles had moved, and her nipples were well and truly exposed for all to see. "Oops," she whispered while a small laugh escaped her. She pulled the top back, so it covered the two places it was supposed to hide, and looked at me, then gave me the most toe-curling kiss I had received since we left our room in Caves House. Of course, little Bob took more of an interest in the proceedings much in line with how he had been in recent times, and Marion leaned back, looked down, and sensuously whispered, "Hmm, there seems to be a rather large problem between us. Perhaps we should take this up back at our room, mmm?"

Mutually understanding each other we returned to our home away from home where we re-affirmed our love for each other, until we saw it was getting close to the appointed time for dinner. After a quick shower we made our way to the restaurant for dinner, and the most important question for my Marion I needed to ask. I waited till we had finished our mains, and the wait staff brought our desserts. Depending on her answer would determine if she would be 'my Marion', and inwardly I was praying that she would be.

On the plate next to Marion's Mille-feuille with roast strawberries and mascarpone was a small red jewellery box tied with a small red ribbon. Marion looked at it, and then at me. A tear started to appear in the corner of her eye as I nodded for her to see inside the box. She opened the box and gazed upon its contents as I took her hands asking her that one question that is possibly the most important question a woman ever has to answer. I took the ring from its enclosure and placed it near the third finger of her left hand. She looked at it and then at me and nodded. As I slipped the ring onto her finger she whispered," Yes, Bobby, oh yes, I'll marry you and we'll be the best couple ever. I'll make you the best wife, everything I have is yours, and everything I am will only ever be yours," as the tears now flowed freely down her face. I picked up a napkin and dabbed her eyes with it. The Maître De came to the table and having seen for himself what was happening, snapped his fingers. In answer a waiter produced two flutes and a bottle of champagne with which he toasted us to a long life and successful marriage.

Six months later we were wed, and 15 months later we found ourselves in the birthing room at Our Mercy Hospital.

Squalling and yelling, at the same time trying hard to catch her breath, she entered the world at 1 minute past midnight on the 1

st

of April 2004. Correct!! April Fool's Day.

Marion was in labour for three hours and 41 minutes in total, it would have been less but the 'about to be born one' wasn't having any.

She crowned at 11.57 pm but then held off for another 4 minutes so that she could make her grand entrance when she was good and ready, not when her mother, the doctor, or the nursing staff demanded.

Me, I was the progenitor, father, sperm donor, call it what you will, but when I saw her face for the first time, even though it was scrunched up ready to let loose the loudest yell I had ever heard, I knew she was my daughter.

MY DAUGHTER...........And the first of four offspring my wife would present to me over the next five years.

We decided to call her Jessica Elizabeth after her two Grandmothers, both of whom were elated with our choice. Marion, was ecstatic that between us we could produce into the world such a beautiful baby, and she was wont to remind me, "Not bad for the first go."

After each birth, Marion would comment "We have gotten good at this, haven't we?" After our last daughter was born, Marion declared I was to get the snip, "Because all I have to do is look at you, you drop your pants, and boommm, I'm pregnant again."

After she had settled onto her mother's breast, and was beginning to sleep longer each night, Jessie began to teethe, which was fine by me, but it soon became Marion's little battle ground each feeding time. Jess soon discovered that if she got a bit carried away with her sucking on the nipple, that Marion would sigh deeply, look at me with a look of desire that meant "God, I wish this was you, at least you don't leave me hanging in frustration each time."

Of course, that meant we would adjourn to bed doing our darndest to break the thing while trying to keep our noise down to a dull roar. And while each child was teething, we managed to conceive the next child. I didn't understand it, must've been something in the water..........

As Jess grew, she developed a sense of humour that could only be described as warped. She seemed delighted in using her birthday to be as mischievous as she could, for instance throwing her food over the side of the highchair, sometimes at me, which usually had her laughing uproariously, causing everyone to laugh along with her. It didn't matter that someone, usually yours truly, had to clean up after her, and we soon learnt not to replace the spilled whatever back onto her little table, because as soon as you turned your back, over the side it went again.

When Jess was two, her brother arrived on the scene in the Spring of 2006. Little James was a great deal more timorous about being brought into the world, and was such a quiet child, that often we would rush into his room to see what was wrong because we hadn't heard any noise from him on the monitor system we installed. We would stand over his cot, and he would look at us both and grin as though he was trying to work out why we were so nervous around him.

The adventure continued when our second daughter was born, again almost an anticlimax to the whole 'getting to the hospital and contractions that were getting closer together, while my wife tried her best to completely render my hands into a close copy of mincemeat.' Little Tanya Janie came into the world at a much more respectable time of 8.55 on the morning of December 24

th

, thus ensuring a double lot of gifts - Birthday, and Christmas.

Somehow, the addition of new little people to the house didn't seem to bother Jessie at all. When she was around three and had begun to acquire her vocabulary, she soon worked out that by helping her mother, she would be talked to and have new words added and have the words explained so that by the time she was 3 and a half, she could talk up a storm to whoever would stand still long enough to listen.

Her character was developing to be one where we didn't know from one minute to the next what she was thinking but whatever it was, her mother and I knew it would be at someone's expense.

On the day of Jess's fifth birthday, I was asked, oh so sweetly, to help her plant a tree in the back yard. Jess loved swings. She had one of those metal swing, slide and ladder contraptions in the yard which all of our lot used along with, it seemed, most of the neighbourhood kids as well. The tree which Jess had chosen would rapidly grow into a large one with many branches, the idea being she proudly announced so that she could have a tree swing, finally, complete with tyre in which to sit while she swung too and fro. Marion had taken Jess to the local nursery and plant shop from where she extracted the tree of her choice with the help of the friendly nurseryman, and my bank account.

She dragged me outside and pointed exactly to the spot where it was to be planted, and a quick survey of our estate showed that she had chosen well. It would not be a danger to the house, fence or next door to the side or the rear and had plenty of room around what would become the canopy of the tree. Certainly, once grown it would provide a huge amount of shade.

"Dig, Daddy, the hole. It's where the tree has to go," my little leader instructed. I pressed the edge of the spade into the ground and pushed. The soil wasn't as hard as I imagined, and I was able to dig the hole about 200 mm deep quite quickly.

I looked at the ball of the tree and saw that I needed to dig down another 350 to 400 mm and started digging again. By now, I had a hole about 350 mm deep and around 450 mm square.

I felt, rather than heard, a solid obstruction to progress, so I pushed again, but no farther into the ground did I get. I knelt down and started to scrape away the loose soil with my hands until I found a sort of an oval shaped stone about 150 mm long. I removed some more dirt from the hole, in the meanwhile watching Jess who was jigging up and down on the spot bombarding me with questions such as "What is it Daddy, is it gold or something?"

I excavated around the object until I could pull it from the ground, and as I went to throw it further away, Jess cried out, "No, Daddy, I want to know what it is."

"It's just a stone Jess, not gold, I'll put it over there and we'll have a good look later."

"But Daddy, I want to know what it is. You sure it's just a stone, it might be something old or prehus... preho...ohh, what is it.....?"

"You mean prehistoric, Jess?"

"Yes, that's it, prehis...what you said Daddy. See if you can break it and see what's inside."

At this point, and knowing who the little creature was next to me who was beside herself with excitement, I should have realised that I was being taken for a ride, not because I was supposed to be digging a hole for a non-existent tree since I had the tree right next to me ready to go into the hole once it was deep enough, but simply because Jess was almost animated in her effort to have me break open the rock.

"Look Daddy, it's big isn't it......like an egg," she suggested with more exuberance than a five-year-old should know about.

"But what about the hole for the tree, Jess?" I asked.

"Yes, yes, but it might be a teriy... terra...ohh, you know, that thing we saw in the movie Jeris.... You know the park one."

"Jurassic Park with all the dinosaurs in it."

"Yes Daddy, it might be a dinosaur egg, break it open and see," she giggled.

Jess ran inside the house calling "Mummy, mummy, come and see what Daddy's found where we're putting the tree." She soon appeared tugging her mother along. "Look Mummy, see the egg thing, I think it's an egg, don't you?" And in an almost conspirational whisper, "Tell Daddy to break the egg Mummy, he can finish the hole after."

"I think you'd better break open the egg dear, it might be a dinosaur egg, don't you think?"

"I have to get a hammer Jess, so I can break open the egg, but what if it's a new egg, it might not be prehistoric, you know."