CHAPTER 1
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The opening scene is a dusty, unpaved road in rural Arkansas. It is just before dusk and Tommy Joe and his Pa, Lester, are bouncing along in a rusty old pick-up truck.
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Tommy Joe: "Pa, we got to git us a woman for the farm."
Lester: "Ha, for the farm? You mean a woman for you to do!
Tommy Joe: "Well, that too, but she could cook meals and clean up for us."
Lester: "You're just horny. What's wrong with Rachel over in Fallin' Creek? I know you've been doing her."
Tommy Joe: "Yeah, but sometimes I don't like it because her Pa likes to watch and all of her kids keep running in and out while we're doing it. Once in a while her 19-year-old daughter, Ida watches too and I kinda like that. But then, I really like it when her Ma watches cuz' she plays with my balls and scratches my ass while we're doing it. I guess shouldn't complain, Rachel only charges me $3.00."
Lester: "$3.00? Shit, she charges me $5.00."
Tommy Joe: "But Pa, she said you was bigger n' a horse and she was always sore for a couple of days after you had been there."
Lester: "How in the hell could she know how big I was? She is so fat she don't even know if'n you got it in the right place. She must weigh 300 pounds. Sometimes her Ma does me and I think she may even be better at it than Rachel. But she won't do it if her ole' man is around."
Tommy Joe: "Well, all this talk about it has got me hornier n' a billy-goat. I'm hard as a hoe handle. Right now, it's so hard I don't think a cat could scratch it."
Lester: "We'll be in town soon and we can stop at 'THE HOUSE OF DE-LIGHTS' and see Rosie. I thought you got plenty when you were overseas with the army."
Tommy Joe: "I did but some of them foreigners were strange."
Lester: "How so?"
Tommy Joe: "One gal in France only wanted to do it with her mouth, and if that weren't enough, she wanted me to do her with my mouth. I liked it when she did me but when I did her, she tasted like old fish. In Germany, there was a gal that always wanted to be on top. She would ride me like I was a horse and keep on going long after I was finished. Sometimes I'd have to buck her off to get rid of her. Then there was one gal in London who had the same plumbing as we do. I think she was from Transylvania because she said she was a transvestite or something like that. We were playing around in the dark corner of a bar and she grabbed my business. When I grabbed hers, she had a hard on just like me. She wanted me to do her from behind but the MP's cleared the place out and sent me back to the base."
"But I think the strangest one was way out in the desert in Iran. Some guy riding a camel came up to our bivouac with two gals walking behind him. He charged $7.00 American for a go at either one or $10.00 for both. There was 42 soldiers camped there and most of them did one or the other of the women. Some guys did both of them. I was number 3 with the skinny one so it wasn't too bad. I never did get to try the other one. It might have been better but they kept them long black dresses and facemasks on. They just laid down, side by side on the sand, and pulled them dresses up enough to bare the part we needed to git to. You just had to stand around and watch until it came your turn. I understand, that later on, they got sand in their pussies and it wasn't much fun. Some of the guys rubbed themselves raw doin' it."
Lester: "I would have liked to see that. We didn't have much of any thing like that in Nam but there was a few girls that would do it for money. The problem was I had to send almost all my money home to your Ma."
Tommy Joe: "I heard tell you were overseas when I was born."
Lester: "Yep, and had been for over a year. I sure was glad to get back and see your Ma. I hadn't had a chance to be with her for all that time. I think that I did her too many times the first few weeks. It wasn't long after that she run off with that Bible salesman."
Tommy Joe: "Well anyway, tell me about Rosie."
Lester: "Rosie ain't bad, she's just a little old, maybe 60 or so but she knows her business. She's got three other gals working for her but I don't want to talk about Dora the redhead. Clara is fat and I think she may be pregnant. I know she sure does smell bad. The last one, Maybell, is the skinniest woman I ever knew. Once when I was doin' her, she jabbed me with her knee so hard I fell out and never did finish."
Tommy Joe: "Are you gonna do Rosie?"
Lester: "Yeah, she's soft all over and has the biggest boobs I ever seen on a woman. I don't want you to mess with Dora and I don't think you'd like Clara. You're young so you could work around Maybell's bones. I think she's about your age, 25 or so. You'll be laying down so it won't matter that she's a lot taller'n you."
Tommy Joe: "What's wrong with Dora? That was the name of a gal you was married to once wasn't it? Is that Rosie's up ahead?"
Lester: "That's it, the place with all them red lights and the sign that says 'HOUSE OF DE-LIGHTS'. Pull in along side that tour bus. We may have to wait a while cuz' I think that bus belongs to the baseball team from over in Mule Shoe. Just never you mind about Dora. It's none of your business."
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The two men approach the door and ring the bell. An eyeball peeks through the peephole then the door opens. A woman (Maybell) with stringy blond hair, well over 6 feet tall and weighing less than 100 pounds opens the door and greets them.
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Maybell: "Hey Lester, come on in, how you been? Ain't seen you since last week. Who's the youngster?"
Lester: "Hi Maybell. This here's my boy, Tommy Joe. I figured it was time to introduce him to some of the finer spots in our town."
Maybell: "Nice to meet you Tommy Joe but you're gonna have to wait. We got us an automobile salesman's convention from over in Mule Shoe. There was so many of them they rented the baseball bus and got here about 3 hours ago. Most of them finished and went to the bar down the street. I think there are still 3 or 4 upstairs. I just did my last one a couple of minutes ago."
Tommy Joe: "Nice to meet you too Miss Maybell. What do you think Pa?"
Lester: "Well, hell, I was looking forward to gitting it on with Rosie. You think she'll be too tired Maybell?"