Disclaimer:
All characters portrayed indulging in sexual activity are 18 chronological years of age or older. Any resemblance between these fictional characters and actual people is completely intentional and meant for parody. Reviews are welcome, flames will be snickered at.
This was done as a request for someone and it's dedicated to them. They know who they are.
***
Chapter 2- Yes, Virginia, There Really Is A War On Christmas
"Holy shit! What the hell is going on?! Is this really happening in my house?!"
Ginny watched in shock as some dark shadow crashed through her bay window. The invader tumbled and splashed into her hot tub, thrashing about as he tried to regain his footing. Ginny shrieked in fright as more figures tumbled in after him. Another one burst through the far wall, some kind of weapon in his hand.
The lights were still out but the big room seemed even dimmer somehow, as if a living shadow had a stranglehold over the place. Dark shapes swarmed through the un-light, seemingly human in form, but she couldn't really be sure.
Then he lunged past her, his massive frame almost a blur of motion, his golden-red hair and beard gleaming in the reflected light of the snow outside. Her eyes, wide with fright, now looked on in astonishment as he crashed into a knot of the intruders, his huge fists lashing out. One invader was knocked backwards, hurtling into the opposite wall with a resounding crunch, although whether that was the stone masonry of her wall or his bones giving way she couldn't tell readily. She dared not think about it.
Santa spun around and drove his elbow into the back of another intruder. The vertabrae give way with a sickening crack and he went down. Without losing his momentum, the hulking harbinger of Christmas cheer lashed out savagely with his foot, the toe of the heavy black boot catching another foe under the chin and snapping his head back. The dark shape crumpled to the floor.
"Jesus!" Ginny shouted in horror.
"Virginia, don't take the Lord's name in vain!" Santa called out in a stern voice while he whirled about in a bloody orgy of violence. "Do you want to end up back on the Naughty List?"
"How can you be thinking about that at a time like this?!" she exclaimed, staying flat to the wall, her eyes, wide in fright.
"I'm always thinking about that sort of thing," he explained as he wrestled an intruder into a headlock while looking at her. "I'm constantly aware of-"
He didn't finish the sentence as another enemy rushed up behind and slammed one of Ginny's chairs across his broad, muscular back, wood splintering as the stylish furniture sent him to the floor.
"Ow..." he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck while the foe he had in a headlock escaped his grasp.
"Why the hell did you stop fighting and look at me?!" Ginny shouted almost in exasperation.
"Because I have to," he responded as his foes piled on top of him, hammering away with their fists. "Whenever one of my kids asks a question I have to give them my full attention and respond! That's how it works!"
He surged up to his feet, throwing the crowd of assailants away. One foe threw a punch, but Santa grabbed the fist and twisted it over, causing his foe to shout in pain before he slammed his palm directly into the man's sternum, sending him flying while the arm remained firmly in Santa's grip. He then spun and slammed the bloody, disconnected shoulder remains across the head of a man behind him.
"Oh, gross!" Ginny gasped. "Why would you do that?!"
"Because I want to live?" he called back as he rammed his knee into another foe's chest, doubling him over before gripping and wrenching his neck with a sickening crunch. "I really need to concentrate here!"
"Sorry!" Ginny said hastily. "I'll try to stop asking questions now!"
"Much obliged!" Santa replied. In spite of her confusion and terror, Ginny watched in stunned fascination as the wild melee whirled before her- swarmed by foes, Santa fought back with a resolute and cold ferocity, never stopping moving but also tight and controlled in his movements. He stopped attacks and dropped his foes with single blow, doubtless a killing one.
His fighting style was efficient and... brutal. That's the only way she could describe it.
"Is that Krav Maga?" she asked.
"It's
not
Krav Maga," he said flatly as he rammed his fist into a foe's ribcage. "Trust me on this."
She yelped as the lights in the room went on and stung her eyes. She then gaped as she looked around her spacious living room. It was already a complete wreck, with the furniture trashed, holes in the wall and ceiling, and snow pouring into the center of the room from the ragged wooden wound above. Even though the room was fully lit, it was hard to focus on the swarming enemies infesting her house. They seemed shadowy, blurred or indistinct. How could that be?
Someone attacked Santa with a wicked-looking spiked hand-axe, something out of a sci-fi movie. He batted the weapon aside and clapped his open hands across the man's ears, busting his brain. Before he dropped, Santa grabbed the corpse and swung it around in a wide arc, smashing it into the foes surrounding him and knocking them back.
"Shit!" Ginny squealed as one of the targets landed near her. "It's like the fucking Matrix in here!"
As he threw the corpse away, he paused very briefly and glanced at her. "Since you happen to be right there, how about a little mood music?"
"What?!"
"I'm just saying some music would be nice if we're going to be doing this," he called. "You're next to the entertainment system, how about putting something on?"
"Youre shitting me, right?!" she almost complained, wincing as she heard something delicate-sounding and expensive smash behind her amidst the wild brawl. She stared at the multimedia system, flapping her arms in frustration as she tried to focus through the noise. This couldn't be happening. She clutched the sleeves of her plush robe for a moment, trying to concentrate on its soft, fuzzy texture and center herself. She'd almost forgotten the large nerf gun in her hands but ignored it now, fixing her gaze on the mp3 playlist. She pressed a button.
"Silent night... Holy night..."
Bing crooned through the room.
"Not really what I had in mind!" Santa mentioned loudly as he rammed his knee into a man's chin. "Try again!"
Ginny bit her lip and pressed the button again, this time rewarded with Gary Glitter singing 'Another Rock And Roll Christmas'.
"Still not quite there," he said as he snapmared another foe. "Better, but not quite!"
"Well I don't know!" she shouted in exasperation. "What kind of music do you put on while Santa kills things in your living room?!"
Santa turned sideways and thrust his foot out, kicking an intruder in the chest and sending him sprawling backwards, rolling head over heels until he thumped into the entertainment system, jolting it and skipping the player.
