Author's note: A number of people have asked me about Maria Torres, Harry Dick's Secretary. So, I've written a little something to give you an idea. Enjoy.
*
So, I'm minding my own business last Christmas making a nice little movie in Nevada called "Maria Gets Boned" with some really great actors and what happens? POOF! Suddenly I find myself behind a desk in New York working for some lecherous dork named Harry Dick. God! He's the worst private eye in the business. I know that bitch, Jenny Jackson, is behind it. One of these days I'm going to kick her skinny ass.
Anyway, on with the story. I'm sitting at this cheap, second-hand desk with nothing to do. So, I'm doing my nails. I can hear Harry in his office jacking off and talking to his cock. If that isn't weird enough, his cock is talking back. About that time, the door opens and this chick walks in.
"What can I do for you, tramp?" I asked in my sweetest, give-a-fuck voice.
"I'm looking for Harry Dick. Is he in?"
"Yeah. But he's busy right now. He'll be done in about 30 seconds. He always is. Sit you fat ass down. I'll tell him you're here."
The bitch looked at me like I'd said something wrong. But she sat anyway and glared at me while I keyed the switch on the cheap Rip-Off Shack office intercom. "Hey, Harry. Some pig is here to see ya."
"Just a minute, doll. I'm cumming," came the response.
Momentarily, the door to Harry's private office opened and Harry welcomed his new client, while zipping his fly. I could see his eyes taking in every inch of the twat, from her 44 DD silicone knockers to her oversized ass. Personally, I thought she looked like a cartoon of a street whore. But what do I know. Right? So, as the door closed, I adjusted the bra strap holding up my own oversized knockers and went back to my nails.
Then the phone rang. I picked up the receiver. "Harry Dick Private Investigations. If you need a private dick, Harry will fuck it up for ya."
There was a voice on the other end of the phone that said, "Maria. I can't wait to get my hands on those melons. How about lunch at my place, baby?"
"Oh. Hi, Boney." It was Detective Inspector Boney Malone from the 3rd Avenue Precinct. "Sorry, guy. I'm getting a massage on my lunch hour. How about after work?"
"Sounds great. I'll pick you up on the corner. I'll bring the ice cream, whipped cream and rubber hose."
"Wow. You really know how to treat a girl, don't cha, Boney," I said, hanging up the phone.