Tags: MC, MF, MD, GR, HU
Synopsis: A new superhero with amazing powers arrives on Earth.
*
The well-built nude figure stirred in the middle of the field. He moaned a bit and held his head. "That went well." he muttered with a sarcastic tone. Looking around, he noted the unusual light blue sky, light green grass, and pale sun. "Where the donut am I?" His voice was deep and powerful, and caught him by surprise. "What the bearclaw is going on here?" He stood up and looked at his groin in shock. "Bu... bu... My god, my eclair is enormous!"
Lugnut looked at his large, powerful hands, made a massive bicep bulge out on his arm, checked out his muscled abs and pecs, flexed his large and strong-looking feet and rippling legs, and looked again at the almost ridiculously huge cock and balls that were just laying there. "OK, ok... what happened. Man, I LOVE this new voice!" He said to himself in a deep rumble. "My name is Lugnut Lewdly. I am nineteen years old... but I look like about, what... mid-twenties now? I was a dumpy kid just a moment ago. I... I was kinda short for my age, and definitely overweight- pecan rolls, let's face it, I was honeybuns fat! I was pale [said as he examined the deep tan on his flawless skin] and wore glasses [which he confirmed he was no longer wearing or needed]. I had all these nasty zits that I couldn't get rid of... [and his fingers slid smoothly over what felt like a face defined by chiseled planes and muscles.]
"I was teasing the Basements and Bunyips group again about always playing that dumb game... and they... they shoved me in the trasherator and closed the door. My god, someone must have activated it! I always wondered what happened to stuff at the 'transport' setting. I guess it could have been worse- it could have been on 'compact'. But where the bearclaws AM I? This sure as donuts isn't Neonia any more. I... I must be in an alternate dimension! This is SOOOO COOL! I've been transported to a new dimension and given a new body! I wonder if I have super powers of some sort? I wonder... well, actually I wonder why I'm monologuing? No one is listening, so why the cinnamon rolls am I talking?"
Lugnut looked around and felt rather exposed in the open like this, all nude and everything, so he walked to the nearby woods. As soon as he entered the shade, he felt a little different. It was a bit cooler and darker, but that wasn't it. He stepped back into the sunlight and felt his body seem to absorb the energy in the light. Interesting. This certainly seemed like some sort of super power. You see, Lugnut was not a Role-Playing Games nerd, he was a Superhero Dork, a really smart one, and he knew everything about the great heros- The Resistor, The Rodent, Cadillac of Doom, Dino-Man, and the rest. He also knew the Superhero Rules. Without thinking, Lugnut Lewdly started to go over the rules.
"Well, 'a superhero is taller than the average person'. I am a lot taller than I used to be, and everything else around here looks similar in scale to Neonia, so I would bet that I am taller than most people here... if there are other people here. Check."
"'Superheros have names that both start with the same sound'. At least my name fits that standard, although I always thought my brother Noxiousness had the cooler name."
"'Superheros have cool, vaguely ridiculous origins that reveal what the culture or creator finds scary'. Hmmm, a dork getting shoved in a trash disposer isn't very cool. But, 'falling into an interdimensional portal' is pretty neat. I wonder if it reveals a fear of technology, or environmental issue, or maybe our species deep fear of 'the other'. Huh. I also wonder if other superhero origins are whitewashed. Maybe the Rodent was running from bullies when he tripped and fell into that rat-infested pit under his parent's mansion. Interesting thought. I'll have to pursue it sometime."
"'Superheros have powers beyond others, although the power may be based on technology or great genes. Superior strength is usually involved.' I'm certainly very strong [as he broke off a branch thicker than his wrist effortlessly], and at least somewhat invulnerable [as he jammed the broken stick against his skin without pain or damage.] I've always sort of wondered about other powers, though. How did Bronzor discover he could manipulate bronze, or how the pastry did The Arachnid figure out how to spin a web of any size from his butt? This will take some experimentation."
"'Superheros have a weakness that can be exploited, most often an external element.' That's another thing that is going to take some checking into. it's going to frost my muffins if it turns out I am fatally allergic to something like milk.
"'Superheros fight supervillians and individuals, not so much issues, ideologies, or companies- no matter how evil.' Well, that should be easy. By the Rules, my presence here should somehow draw the attention of any supervillians. Of course, as far as I know, we did not have supervillians on Neonia. I wonder if they have any here?" Lugnut pushed the corollary, 'Superheros rarely totally defeat their enemies' out of his mind for now.
"'Superheros fight for 'good' ideals- truth, justice, honor, puppies, etc.' Easy enough. I'm a nice guy."
"'Superheros... Dang. I'm monologuing again. I'm also getting uncomfortable in the woods naked like this... and why am i still talking?" Lugnut looked around and tried to look 'harder' somehow, hoping to kick in some sort of enhanced vision powers. He saw a ripple- yes! A heat ripple rising off something warm. That could be a useful power! He started to jog towards the heat source, and fell to running, then to running flat out. It felt wonderful to exert himself like this! He felt the air tear at his skin and the ground passing in a blur and wondered how fast he was going. While he was distracted, he tripped over a rock and started to plummet through the air uncontrollably.
"AAAAAAARRRRRRAAAAAaaaahhhh...." He was screaming, until he noticed he wasn't falling, but he was spinning in a way that was going to make him puke. He stuck out arms and legs until he was under control. Now, how the glazed donut did one land? As he was contemplating this, he barreled through a house, which barely slowed him down. Plowing into the earth on the other side sure stopped him though. He climbed out of the crater he made and was amazed to see that dirt was not sticking to his tan, almost glowing skin. He brushed off some imaginary flakes and 'looked' at the house. He could 'see' disruptions caused by wires and metal pipes, a glowing in what he assumed was a water heater and an oven, and a brightly colored human-looking figure huddled behind a door. he also saw the almost perfectly circular hole he had made through the house. At least he missed electrical and plumbing elements. He took a big sigh- way to impress the locals.
He knocked on the door. "Hello? Are you OK?" His new voice reverberated in his chest nicely. It felt sooo cool! He almost giggled. "Ahem, are you OK?" He repeated, trying the doorknob, which broke off in his hand. Great. He ducked a bit under the doorway and entered the house, moving towards the hiding figure in the bathroom. He gently tapped the door, which nonetheless shivered mightily. "Hello, are you OK? Do you need help?"
"Go away!" Shouted a shrill, terrified voice, which Lugnut quickly realized he should not understand, unless they spoke in Neonian Standard... or that annoying sci-fi flick error is right and all aliens DO speak your language by some amazing coincidence or plot hole.
"Please calm down and come out." Lugnut asked nicely. A second later, a calm-looking young woman stepped out.
"Who the hell are you?" She asked, calmly, but still irritated. Lugnut was briefly confused as to why she seemed to use a fried breakfast sweet as a cuss word, but assumed he misheard.
Lugnut struck a heroic pose. "I am Lugnut Lewdly, hero and champion for truth and rightness."
The woman started to giggle uncontrollably, and Lugnut suddenly realized that striking heroic poses while naked was probably not a good idea.
"Please stop laughing." Lugnut mumbled, somewhat deflated. She sobered up quickly.