Welcome, gentle readers, to a special Earth Day episode of LST3K!
Today we have a tale dredged off a 3.5 floppy found buried in the bottom of a box, in a garage. I applaud my reader who had the tenacity to hunt this up, and the balls to show it to another living being.
Although, I'm still twitching a bit from the first time I read it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to need therapy.
My comments break it up, but imagine this tale as a single, long paragraph and you'll have a clue of what it looked like when I got it.
The theme for today is Earth Day, and this story certainly should have been recycled! There's enough pure stinkiness in this tale to fill thousands of stink bombs.
Pull up a patch of moss, hug your favorite tree, have some granola, and prepare for the pain!
Turn down your lights (Where applicable)
***LST3K**********
I woke up becase I had to piss.
Dark: Oh boy -- that's an ominous first line. Lessons number one and two, grasshopper. Number two: Spellcheck. Number one: Don't start a smut story with a number one.
I got out of my sleeping bag and crawled out of the tent. I did not put on my pants becase they was cold and damp from sitting on the floor of the tent wile I was sleeping and I was going to piss anyway.
Dark: Run, little sentence! Run free! Run on, and on, and on, and on...
I could not see very well becase the forrest was dark
Dark: Like a box of chocolates...
and my eyes were hevy from being up all day planting trees with my scouts for Erthe Day. I was proud to be the scoutmaster of my scouts for planting so many trees and doing such a good thing for the erthe wile they got thier merit badges.
Dark: You should have used this story as fertilizer for all those trees you were planting IN A DEEP, DARK FOREST, Scoutmaster Gump.
I herd something and went over to see what it was wile my big 10 inch dick swang from side to side.
Dark: Yah! Get along little somethings! We're herding you off to market, with our giant imaginary penises swinging in the saddle!
I got over there and saw two naked women! I drooled and my prick got hard while I watched them dancing.
Dark: Ignoring that his bladder was strained to the point of waking him up a minute ago...
One had blonde hair and had 44d tits and the other had red hair and 36d tits and both thier pussys were shaved!
Dark: He can't spell, but he can spot bra sizes from several feet away in a dark forest at night. Here's somebody with his priorities in order!
Dark: Hey -- Wait just a darn minute here! That sentence did not start with
I
. That's five demerits, and a one inch penalty on your imaginary penis!
I could not believe that there was two naked girls with big tits dancing in the forest and playing with their pussys.
Dark: Suffice to say, my friend, neither do I.
They saw me and stopped dancing and said they liked my big dick. I knew they was nimphs and that nimphs try to trick you.
Dark: Yet another merit badge I'm unfamiliar with -- mythological creature identification. Of course, he would have failed anyhow, because he can't even spell Nymph.
I told them that I was not going to fall for any of thier tricks. They told me that they was not trying to trick me. They told me I did a good thing for the erthe and that they was going to fuck me for doing it.
Dark: He must be doing something else good for the Earth, and preserving the endangered quotation mark and comma populations.
I still did not trust them but thier jugs and hot pussys looked real good.
Dark: Where did the cats and jugs come from? More importantly, do the jugs have milk in them for the hot pussies to drink and cool off?
I grabbed my big 10 inch dick and told them that I would fuck them if they bobbed my nob first and let me cum all over thier faces.
Dark: Hey, I docked you an inch earlier, buddy!
Dark: Somewhere, out there, BSA officials are waking up drenched in sweat, screaming in terror, and they don't know why.
