Reluctantly edited by Pantera Bonita
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I got a request by a fan to write an incest/gangbang story with the Mother's name being Beth and the girlfriend's name being Maggie. I hope you enjoy your story Josh.
I have often written "Biblical Archeology Review", but they have never once published my letters. I can not believe the ninnies who write the articles in this rag. They are incapable of simple hieroglyphic translations. Because I don't have a bunch of letters behind my name, they think I know nothing of dead languages and alphabets. I doubt if any of those so called "experts" could draw out the letters of these alphabets, let alone do it with their tongue, forwards and backwards on half the working girl force in Baltimore. They have no idea the letters "d" and "t" are interchangeable. I was fuming about the latest article written by a moron on the Shroud of Turin when I got a letter in the mail from Dead Sea Scrolls scholar John Allegro. Seems he has read my unpublished letters and was in full agreement with me. He was asking for my assistance in translating a recently discovered manuscript, found in monk's grave just outside Alexandria, Egypt. We both agreed it was part of a larger text known as the "Secret Gospel of Mark", of which until now, only a few snippets were known from preserved letters.
He had a gold mine of a discovery here, but unfortunately there were key pieces missing. I quickly brushed up on my Latin and had a go at it. From its style and anachronisms -it was a late fourth century forgery, perhaps based on an earlier text, but clearly rewritten. I decided to take some liberties with the translation. Allegro failed to appreciate my sense of humor. I will let you be the judge.
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It was the eve of the Passover. The apostles were gathered together at Jesus' house, (or perhaps I should say Joseph's house, as it still belonged to him) having their evening meal and going over the affairs of the group. Judas gave the treasury report, "We still have nothing in the treasury. It seems one of us keeps giving away our money to the poor." He looked directly at Jesus.
Peter chimed in, "We had a good fishing boat, until one of us had us fill it up until it sank."
Philip, looking at Jesus, "You know not all of us walk on water."
Jesus, "C'mon, you mean to tell me you guys didn't see the rocks?"
John, the beloved disciple, interjected, "We had Mary of Magdalena making money for us, until one of us put her on that guilt trip."
Peter: "I wonder what ever happened to old Mary?"
There was a gentle rap at the door. Mary of Magdalena had entered the room along with Mary, the mother of Jesus who was known to the group as Mary Beth because her older sister was also named Mary- or Mary Ann so they could tell them apart. Mary had been at the Wal-agora shopping and picked up five loaves of unleavened bread. It was on sale.
Peter and Andrew had followed a few messiahs before Jesus, but none were as fun as this group. Even though Jesus was always putting the guilt trip on the easy women, he was great at a party when they were getting low on refreshments. In fact they were all pretty well tanked at the moment.
Jesus welcomed his mother and said, "This is my mother, the ever virgin." The crowd, including both Marys rolled their eyes at this point and placed their hands to their faces to hide their smirks.
Thomas could not contain himself and let loose a faint but audible chuckle. Jesus glared over at Thomas, "Oh ye of such little faith."
Thomas replied, "Except that I shall see an intact hymen, and put my fingers unto it, I will not believe."
Jesus said unto his disciples, "Verily I say unto you, that in the city of David, I was borne of a virgin." Jesus took his mother by the hand and helped her unto the table. He instructed his mother to lift her anachronistic blue robe, so the apostles could see her intact hymen. Mary was in her 40's having Jesus when she was just 12. She had kept her figure very well, looking similar to Angie Dickinson in her "Big Bad Mamma" days, a small frame, tight ass, slender waist, with proportional breasts.
Mary started to protest, "Ah Jesus, look son...."
Jesus cut her off in mid-sentence, "Woman what have I to do with thee..." Mary knew to hold her tongue when Jesus got in these snippy moods. She just dutifully lifted her robe and showed her pussy to all the apostles. This wasn't anything new to them, since all toilets were outdoor and public.
Jesus said unto Thomas, "Reach hither thy finger and behold thy hymen."
Thomas reached into the "virgin" Mary. He had a puzzled look on his face. He looked up at Mary, then back at Jesus while his fingers were busy. He then used both hands to spread her pussy lips to look hither. "It's gone!" Thomas exclaimed.
"Can't be" said Jesus. "Let me have a look." Jesus pried his mother's vaginal lips apart and....NO HYMEN!
"Mom, what happened to your hymen?" Jesus asked in a panic as if all of Catholicism depended on it.
Mary responded, "Duh! You weren't Caesarian born. Do you honestly think that thing would stay intact with your head pushing through there? I tried to tell you, but you think you know everything."
Jesus looked sheepishly toward the floor and spoke softly, "Ah Mom, you are a virgin aren't you? Could you tell the guys about the story about how you made love to the Holy Spirit?"
The apostles were looking about squirming in their chairs, except for Peter who was busy playing with Mary Magdalene's ass while intently staring at Mary-Beth's pussy.
Mary put her robe back down, and sat down at the table next to Jesus. "Son, there are a few things we need to talk about." Mary placed the basket of bread near Jesus, for him to serve. Somehow whenever he serves there always seems to be enough to go around.
Mary took Jesus' hand and spoke softly in front of the crowd. "Son, I made up that story about being a virgin for your father. I actually feed the family by working with Maggie."
Jesus sat there dumbfounded. John and Naughty Matthew sat quietly in the corner taking notes with their shekel pencil and papyrus pad. Matthew leaned over and whispered to John, "I think I can use this virgin angle."
John shook his head. "No way, I'm not going to risk my reputation on it."
Matthew retorted, "I'll work it in, and make it believable too. If you add enough facts to the story, people will buy it."
Jesus questioned his mother, "But I thought dad was a carpenter who supported us."
Mary took a deep breath. "Jesus, do you see as much as a tree anywhere?"
"Mr. Lombard has a tree in his back yard." Jesus responded. "But it isn't very big, and it is very twisted and knotty. I think its gopher wood."
The apostles rolled their eyes again and pretended not to hear the conversation. Even Matthew stopped taking notes at this point.
The virgin discussion was dropped at this point by Mary. She had told her son the truth; and wasn't going to force him to believe the story at the risk of running a bad anachronistic Lombard yard pun. She knew pretty much where this skit was headed by the weak plot and lack of character development. Mary instructed Jesus not to do "the before the cock crows three times" line to head off any future bad puns. She only wished that the Biblical authors would have portrayed the "Mother of God" as more of a social activist and not some stay at home Mom baking cookies.
With everyone having bread in front of them, Jesus did the honors and poured the wine. They loved his bottomless wine pouring jug trick. Once they all had a full cup, Peter pulled his finger out of Maggie long enough to make a toast to "immortality."
Jesus had given Judas the dribble glass. Judas stood up and pulled the glass away from his face; mouth agape looking at his ruined sack cloth. Jesus was chuckling, and a few of the apostles, or "A" team as he called them had broken into a nervous laugh.
Judas was visibly angered as he had just ruined his finest tunic. Mary-Beth chided Jesus, "You need to stop playing tricks on Judas all the time, how would you like it if he played one on you?"
Maggie pulled herself away from Peter's tentacles and hovered over Judas. "I can get those stains out with some neat urine and some salt of Ammon, but I need to soak it while it is still wet." Maggie had gotten the formula from one of her Egyptian clients.
Judas removed his tunic from a basic sitting position, leaning slightly forward to move the robe up over his ass. Judas slid his privates under the table, crossed his legs and covered himself with one hand for modesty.
When Maggie returned from the initial soak of the garment; Peter feeling the effects of the wine and viewing a naked Judas slurred, "Hey Maggie, I believe Jesus meant that wine for you."
