I've been accused of exposing heretofore unknown male secrets in "In a Perfect World", albeit facetiously. In a previous work I wrote about how to pick up attractive young women---married or single---essentially a guide for older men. I'm feeling a little guilty. I've neglected an important subject and a major segment of the population. So, this short piece is for the women out there---women who are trying to find the right man, attract the right man and ultimately end up in a relationship with said right man which has some promise of longevity or permanence.
This is not like baking a cake from a mix; you're going to have to take some initiative and figure out some things on your own. If you are totally incapable of subtle seduction, are universally recognized as annoying, pick your nose in public, don't floss---or have any of a million other obvious shortcomings too numerous to list, I can't help you.
On a very serious note: Romance is a luxury. My son reminded me of that fact last evening. Relationships are hard work, time consuming and resource heavy. If you have serious character defects, personality disorders, addictions or are just plain struggling every waking hour and using every bit of energy in your being to survive, a love interest isn't going to fix things and you will undoubtedly fail and fail miserably if you attempt to enter into a romantic relationship. Get your life together before you even think about it.
We are going to assume at the onset that you are remotely attractive, have no criminal record, aren't listed in the national sexual predator database, know how to dress attractively, understand the finer points of makeup (which you can learn, for heaven's sake, at the Clinique counter at Macy's), are reasonably literate and articulate, visit your dentist regularly and don't have your sister or your roommate cut your hair. You turn a few heads; guys find a reason to talk to you---even hit on you. So on to a "how-to" as it regards Mr. Right.
We'll take this in seven phases: Selection, Observation, Contact, Advanced Interaction, Primary Seduction, Advanced Seduction and finally, Closing the Sale. I assure you this information will be more useful than crap written by women in women's magazines.
Selection
The best places to meet desirable men: where you work, where you live, where you eat, where you shop and where you play. The worst places to meet men: bars, on-line dating services, pre-trial detention and AA meetings. With so many women in the workplace, your best chance is probably at work; if not within your company, possibly a client company, the same office building or through trade and professional organizations. It is always easier to do more complete investigation and research if he works in the same company you do. Based on which floor his office is on, you can gain a pretty good grasp of his level of success and financial status.
I am not remotely discounting the other possible venues. Join your homeowner or condo association. If the men at the gym you attend are fat, old or gay (or some combination of all three) shop around and join another one. If the only people who eat lunch where you do are other women or gay men---eat someplace else. JoAnn's Fabrics is not generally the perfect place to meet Mr. Right (I said generally! If I were giving advice to males I would absolutely recommend that they check out the closest fabric store).
Home Depot and Lowe's, a golf store if you like the game and can play, the Men's department at Nordstrom's, any electronics store and book stores---Borders is the best. Consider changing your hair salon to one which caters to men. If you have a favorite sport or hobby, obviously hanging out at a place where men practice that hobby or play that sport makes nothing but sense. There are myriad other possibilities; maybe you have a favorite charity or cause. I don't have the space to list them all. Use your imagination.
Back to finding Mr. Right in the work place. If you work the night shift in the basement and are never permitted out of your tiny cubicle, your opportunities are dramatically reduced at the onset. Otherwise, consider adopting the old Tom Peters principle known as MBWA---Manage by Walking Around. Find a reason to explore your building---preferably the floors above, not below you. Most offices are open, glass front affairs so it's not that difficult to peruse the merchandise. As long as you look like you know what you are doing---are on an important mission---no one is going to screw with you. Make it a point to come to work on occasion at the same time most other people do. Check out which men get out of which cars. Take your coffee break in the cafeteria. Linger in the lobby as people are coming and going.
Hypothetically, let's assume you've picked out a handful of potential targets. You've either slipped in behind them at the sign-in desk, nonchalantly followed them to their office, read the luggage tag on their briefcase---whatever! You have a name; preferably more than one. You didn't note a ring although that is less of a sure thing these days. You snuck a peek in his car and doubted that rug rats had ever been in there. There's not one of those, "My child is an honor student at Bumply Prep" bumper stickers on his car.
Now, if you work in HR---just cheat. Look up his personnel record and find out if he's married. If you don't work in HR, you'll have to be more devious. You could just walk up to him and ask: "I love that tie! Where did you buy it---or did your wife pick it out for you?" There's also an even more direct approach: "Excuse me. I'm looking for Mr. Right. On first impression you made the semi-finals. Are you by any chance married---or gay?" That one takes lot of guts---but it sure saves a lot of time and aggravation. I would personally respond very favorably to that approach but it probably won't work with every guy.
Secretaries and administrative assistants know everything. Get to know them; be nice to them; they can save your ass and make your day both professionally and personally. You have to come up with some legitimate excuse to be on his floor speaking to an admin or secretary reasonably close to his office---if not, in fact, his admin.
"I didn't know Don's office was over here! He seems very (pick one) nice, sharp, cute, hot, professional. His wife is one lucky girl. Or, was that his wife I saw him with in the cafeteria the other day?" Or even, "I'd really like to bag him, fuck him and marry him---does he have a wife or significant other than I can't beat out?"
Again, if you're not creative enough to get past this point, you need personal, one-on-one instruction and I charge big bucks for that kind of work. Then again, maybe we can work something out.
Hopefully you got the right answer, not something like, "Don't waste your time, honey; he's not into girls." Or, "he's single again; let's see... was this wife number three or four...no, five, I think?" On to the observation with a caveat: don't drill down to a single candidate yet. If in the observation phase you discover that one of your candidates eats lunch at the nearest all-nude bar or shops over lunch at the closest BDSM emporium, you may end up being disappointed. Then again, maybe not.
Observation
Observation is also a lot like stalking. You've already done quite a bit of it in order to eliminate the undesirables. Go on line and spend $59 for a records search. You'll find out if he has any priors or judgments against him. You'll find out where he lives and any outside business interests he has, not to mention former addresses. You can drive by his house and make sure there isn't a Hot Wheels in the driveway. You should keep a journal; figure out when he come and goes, where he has lunch, where he plays or keeps fit, where he buys his morning coffee, how he interacts with others and who he hangs out with.
This phase lasts as long as you need it to last. If there are no obvious alarm bells after a few days, it's time to move on to the Contact phase which will also allow you to continuing observing, only a little more closely.
Contact
Contact can be as simple as arranging to get out of your car just as he gets out of his, or on the elevator or whatever so that you can have a reason to make small talk. "Nice that we're having weather" is pretty lame, although the weather is generally safe ground. "How do you like your Mercedes ten million XLZCDFER? I've been thinking of getting one." Just be damn sure you bothered to go by the dealer and know something about the damn car.
You make the contact. You smile. You do not introduce yourself unless he does so. You cut off the contact before he has time to do so. "Oops! Forgot my security badge. Have a great day." This is first contact. Subsequent contact will occur with more frequency but not so often that he realizes you are stalking him. That occurs at the next stage, Advanced Interaction.
Advanced Interaction
Find out if there is some way you can have an excuse to be in the same room with him at the same time. Volunteer for a task force. Attend a seminar he is leading. See if there is any reason in the world you could have a legitimate business purpose to knock on his door or schedule time on his calendar. If all else fails, introduce yourself to him in the cafeteria line or at the coffee shop. "I think we chatted in the parking lot the other day and I'm sure I've seen you in Starbucks before. I'm Virginia Craig---Ginnie. I'm in accounting."
Extend your hand professionally. He should shake it and introduce himself. You might be able to walk with him and sit at the same table with him. If he is joining a whole bunch of guys or people from his own office---defer. You want his undivided attention---one-on-one. You don't want to be the outsider at a gaggle. If he is already interested and thanking his lucky stars that you spoke to him first and he'd really like to get to know you---he'll blow off his buds or workmates and invite you to join him. Then, it's on to Primary Seduction---which will tend to overlap with Advanced Interaction.
Primary Seduction
If he is remotely interested at this point you will not have to work alone in finding ways for the two of you to meet, bump into each other or whatever. He will be your willing, if oblivious, partner in crime. He will be looking for reasons to be where you are. He might suggest you go to lunch together, for business purposes, of course. Maybe he hits golf balls at the driving range after work. Over lunch he's going to the mall to buy a special gift for his admin. She just had a baby and he'd like a little help navigating Babies-R-Us. It's still purely platonic and professional.
Eye contact! Hang on his every word. If he never let's you get a word in or doesn't pay attention when you speak, cross him off your list. The hair---always the hair! Smile, work on this one! If your damn hair doesn't move---get a new style and back off the damn White Rain! You need to develop a range of smiles...each one more alluring than the last one without getting lewd. Carefully begin creeping into his personal space.
Maybe at Babies-R-Us he picks up a baby toy, turns to you and asks, "What about this?" You're standing a few feet away. You could just answer him. But you don't. You move in close, looking over his shoulder. An inadvertent touch of your two bodies---upper only at this stage. You turn to him to answer. You oral hygiene is impeccable. Your lips are inches from his as he turns to look at you. You look fabulous. You smile, thoughtfully. He's actually made a damn good choice. "That's really adorable!" you whisper and then, maybe just a brief hand on the shoulder. Hand on the shoulder---count one, two, three---then remove. Extended hand contact only occurs in the next phase---Advanced Seduction.
