Hunt The Gowk

Copyright Oggbashan February 2021

The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

This is a work of fiction. The events described here are imaginary; the settings and characters are fictitious and are not intended to represent specific places or living persons.

It was April 1st, All Fools Day. On my commute to work I had seen the joke in my daily paper. I didn't expect anything to happen at work. We were an office dealing with benefit claims and our work was too serious for joking.

Just after ten o'clock my supervisor called me into his office.

"Andrew, we have an urgent and very confidential case file that needs signing off by several people today and those endorsements must be completed by twelve noon. I am sure you can do it, but all the signatures have to be added before the file is delivered to Joan before noon.

It is very important and urgent, but because the case is so sensitive..."

Roger showed me the file cover. It was endorsed in red ink 'Confidential covering Secret'.

"...You can't see what it is about. You will have to give the closed file to each person. They should sign it, close it, and give it back to you to take to the next person to sign. There are ten people on the list. I trust you to get all ten signatures and deliver the file to Joan by twelve noon. Are you sure you can do it in time?"

"Yes, Roger."

"Then go!"

The first person on the list was the Chairman's Secretary.

She took the file from me, opened it and then smiled broadly. She wrote a few words and signed it before shutting the file and handing it back to me.

"Thank you, Andrew, and good luck. Go!"

The next person was the Finance Director's Secretary.

I had to wait a few minutes before she finished a phone call. She opened the file.

"Andrew, I will sign this," she said, "But remember who you are doing this for. Joan needs it urgently."

As she gave me back the closed file she surprised me by giving me a hug and a kiss.

The next person was in the office next door -- the Personnel Director's Secretary.

I was surprised when she also gave me a kiss after signing.

"Good luck, Andrew," she said. "I hope you will be successful."

The fourth person was three floors down. I charged down the stairs to the woman in charge of the Estates office.

Her secretary gave me a cup of coffee. Did I have time to drink it? The Estates manager opened the file, laughed, and wrote more words than anyone so far.

"Go for it, Andrew," she said as she gave me the file back. I had to leave a half-drunk cup of coffee.

I was puzzled. Three of the four people so far had been secretaries. Surely the file should have been endorsed by the boss, not the secretary? I looked at the remaining six names. All six were women, in fact all ten names were. The fifth and sixth were in a branch of the department about two hundred yards away. I ran there as fast as I could, I was panting when I presented the file to the woman in charge of the messengers but I had regained my breath when I met the sixth woman who was the typists' supervisor. She kissed me, to the amusement of the typing pool, before she pushed me out of the door.

I walked quickly back to the main building. I was getting confused. What did those six women have in common and why would their signatures be needed on a confidential document? Never mind. I had only four to go and it was still an hour before noon. So far everyone had been amused but had wished me well on my quest.

I had to wait for the seventh woman who was in the middle of a meeting. I was getting worried because getting her signature had taken a quarter of an hour.

She apologised, kissed me, and pushed me out of her office door.

The eighth and ninth women gave me their endorsements quickly but I was kissed again. Why were so many women kissing me? I didn't know.

The tenth woman was only two doors away from my office. Before signing and adding her words she looked at the clock. It said twenty minutes to noon.

"Well done, Andrew. I'm the last and you will have the file with Joan before noon. I'm sure you will find your efforts have been worth it. Thank you. Now go!"

It was eighteen minutes to noon when I walked into Joan's office and handed her the file. She looked puzzled. I sat down in the chair facing her desk.

"Roger asked me to get this to you before twelve noon with ten endorsements on it." I said. "I have -- in time."

"But what is it, Andrew?"

"I don't know Joan. I wasn't allowed to see the contents."

Joan opened the confidential outer file and laughed. Inside was a sealed envelope marked 'Secret' and 'Only to be opened by Joan'. She put the file down and opened the envelope. She read it and giggled. Her next response startled me. She put the sheet of paper enclosed in the Secret envelope face down on her desk and stood up. She walked around her desk and very deliberately sat on my legs before pulling me into a long kiss. She pulled back and looked in my face.

"Andrew? You are an idiot and I love you for it."

"You do?" I hadn't expected that. I might have said more but Joan was kissing me again.

"Yes, Andrew, I love you, but thanks to Roger, you are also an April Fool." Joan picked up the file from the desk and showed it to me. The message inside said:

"This is an April Fool joke of 'Hunt the Gowk'. Andrew loves Joan but has never told her. I have sent him on a pointless errand around the office to 'help Joan'. He thinks it is an errand for her. It isn't. It is to prove just how far he will go to please her. Please sign this letter and add encouraging words before sending Andrew on his way."

The Chairman's Secretary had written:

"We know Andrew loves Joan. He should tell her. Perhaps this will convince him he should. If he does, he won't be the April Fool but a winner. Love..."

The Estates Manager had written:

"Andrew, you are a good bloke. We all know you love Joan. She does too but you have been too shy to tell her. When you complete this task successfully you will have demonstrated your love. But you should do more. Tell her. She needs to hear it from you. And Roger is a great supervisor."

The other eight messages were similarly encouraging.

"Joan?" I said, "I do love you."

"I know, Andrew. So does Roger and everyone who signed the file for you."

She picked up the Secret letter to show me.

It said:

"Joan? Andrew loves you. His successful completion of this morning's task is to demonstrate how much he would do for you. Get him to admit his love. Roger."

It was well past twelve before Joan stopped kissing me.

Roger may have sent me on an April Fools' errand but he, and all those who signed the file for me, were doing it so that I would find my love. I have and I am very grateful.

Author's Note. 'Hunt the Gowk' is a traditional April Fools' Day joke in the UK. Someone is sent on a pointless errand e.g. an apprentice sent to the stores to ask for a Birmingham Screwdriver = Hammer. In most of the UK, all April Fools' Day jokes have to end by twelve noon.