(The following story is a companion piece to a story called "My Life, So Far." They're both semi-autobiographical... This one is just sillier...!)
* * * * *
I have a magic penis.
He starts out very small. 1"x 1". But when he gets fully excited, he grows to a raging 7" long x 2" thick!
His name is "Henry."
Henry has been known to take up to a full hour before he lets loose his magical crème sauce. Henry has been on a special diet of chocolate-chip cookies and skim milk for 11 years & as a result, some say that his magic sauce tastes like ice cream or "Hursheez" syrup. There was once a girl for whom Henry stayed hard for 8 straight hours! The nymph was very sore at the end of their night together, but she felt very glad that she had endured the pain/pleasure for all that time. The poor, little thing was never the same, again! And she walked funny for a week after their encounter!
Henry had been alone for a very long time… the only thing that kept him going was the memory of his first, true love…
Her name was "Julie." And what a beautiful maiden she was, too. 34-24-34! 5' 4" tall, with sandy-blond, shoulder length hair. And she held other secrets, which would be revealed to Henry over time. But, we're getting ahead of ourselves at this early part of our tale, here.
Julie was a "Cumpyooter" program writer by day. But after the sun set, she'd turn into a "Sex-starved-Fuck-Whore!!!" And Henry loved her for it!
The two had met at a dark time in Henry's life. Henry had lost his best friend to the ravages of old age: His old "familiar," Ferguson, had finally died at the tender young age of 108! Henry was feeling really bummed out about this when "she" walked into his life.
The lovely Julie had complained to her friend, "Mike, theBahr-10-der," of a sore neck so Henry being the chivalrous fellow that he was, offered to massage it out for her. Henry had very skilled hands; he'd trained for years to be a "massoose" in the land of "Meeleewoky," but had never gotten his certificate. "I'm just not hung up on the whole 'completion, thing,'" he always joked when asked about it, a line he'd heard from one of his favorite movies.
He cracked a joke from an old "Jorj Brrnz" routine that he'd heard the night before. The lovely Julie laughed & laughed and began to relax, as she felt the tensions of the day melt away into the ether. All the tension that was leaving her was, transferring into Henry, himself, causing him to stir.
As Julie moaned her acceptance of Henry's therapeutic gift, Henry became very rigid and felt himself growing with a confidence he'd always hoped he'd have, if the occasion ever arose! Henry, all of a sudden, became cramped in his tight surroundings. With each moan and groan emitted from the lovely Julie's delicate throat, Henry grew, until he pressed, uncomfortably, against the rough zipper of the slacks that protected him from the elements!!! Just then, Julie suggested that they find a booth to sit in, and talk a while. Henry was soaring with excitement. A beautiful, young woman was actually interested in sharing some time with Henry.
Well, they talked & talked & talked some more. It felt wonderful to unburden his weary soul to another human being, but it was getting pretty late and they realized it was closing time. Henry walked Julie out to her carriage. Before saying goodnight, Julie asked if Henry would like to come over to her castle for dinner the very next night. Duh! "Of course," Henry said. "Yes!"
All the way home, Henry flew. Not once did the wheels on his magic "byke" touch the ground. Henry rode his byke everywhere. It was the only way that he could get around his large village and still claim to feel the land, which to all magic penises, was the only thing that kept them going and feeling truly alive & free!
The very next night Henry showed up at the lovely Julie's castle a half hour early. (Henry vowed never to do this again, as it pissed her off!) Julie answered the door wearing a big, fluffy, white, terry-cloth robe and her hair bunched up in a towel. She'd just come out of the shower. She said, "hi," in a really sweet, but he could tell, slightly, perturbed voice. After they kissed, he offered to fix the meal. Julie said that if he didn't mind, then, great. Henry made a real effort NOT to look at his lovely hostess while she got dressed, for their date, in the other room. A truly, monumental task, considering how breathtaking Julie looked & smelled. But, Henry didn't want his lovely dinner companion to think he was a pervert. At least, not yet…
"Dinners ready," Henry called out. He had prepared a sumptuous feast: Shrimp, scallops, broccoli, mushrooms, all simmered in white wine, to perfection, and mixed into a white crème sauce, then, poured over some sea-shell pasta. A crushed clove of garlic was added for taste and spice. Henry served up two platters and poured two glasses of some really good white wine and waited for the lovely Julie to enter the dining hall.
"Here I am," Julie sang, as she entered the room. "How do I look?"
All poor Henry could do was mumble, as he tried to catch his breath, again. She smelled of citrus and flowers and if he thought she looked great in her bathrobe, she looked positively stunning in her dinner gown. It was a very sheer, white, almost see-thru gown! Henry could tell; she wore no bra. Her pink nipples pointed at him, beckoningly, saying, "Lick me. Taste me. Suck me, hard!" But Henry pretended not to listen to those little nubs of temptation. All that would come in time.